Is it more acceptable in our culture for men to have skeletons in their closet than women?
YUP! So TRUE! See, we have the** REAL ISLAM** which prohibits premarital sex and dating for BOTH genders. In fact, the Prophet SAWS even advised that parents treat their children fairly or they risk their children resenting them. And then we have the DESI VERSION OF ISLAM. In the DESI VERSION..…parents may not be too thrilled about their sons staying out late or talking to non-mehram girls…but they are much stricter about these issues with their daughters.
Some parents brush their sons’ ways off with the view that **“Boys will be boys.” ** And they’re more protective of their girls because their reputations are more fragile and…of course…they uphold the view that no desi guy would marry a girl who dared to have a “past” or who is not virgin/pure (although there’s no consistent foolproof way to prove this).
Believe it or not…I once told this aunti that both boys and girls are supposed to pray namaz. And she said that her son didn’t have to pray because he’s a boy. Silly isn’t it? But then again…there was a disparity in her views about how sons and daughters should be treated. When parents uphold such views…they later complain that their sons have “bad habits” or have become “awaara”. It’s easy to complain about your children…but it requires courage for parents to point their own fingers at THEMSELVES and question their parenting over the years 
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yep. 
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Dont sweat it too much, just be open to your would be.
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Iconoclast, you dont get it do you? Or you're being your usual chichora aadmi with cheap talk. You're free to comment on the post, so why dont you stick to that?
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PCG honey don't blame too much for every thing what goes wrong in a women's world.
we BOTH are from same culture.
First person who lose respect for such a girl is the girl her self!!
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^huh...?
I love how the GUYS here are the ones not answering the question directly.
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So true redvelvet and that attitude makes me sick. Some girl once told me she was glad that in our culture girls are treated more harshly cos we turn out better but surely one gender being given a harder time and being more controlled than other, apart from the resentment and blatant hypocrisy, surely it's not healthy cos it leads to the men becoming arrogant, believing they can treat women however they like without any consequence cos their behaviour has never been challenged by their parents. I see it all the time in boys my age, they say they can have gfs and sex before marriage cos 'it's different' and it shocks me that in this day and age Mums and Dads (have to admit it does seem to be more Mums tho) that are propagating these ideas and attitudes. I've lost count the number of time non-Muslims have asked me how come the boys are allowed to get away with stuff but girls aren't. If it was worse for girls to commit zina etc in Islam how come the punishment is exactly the same??? I wish the Mosques (cos the parents on the whole are no good) would teach this stuff and snuff out this retarded bit of our culture.
PCG honey don't blame too much for every thing what goes wrong in a women's world. we BOTH are from same culture. First person who lose respect for such a girl is the girl her self!!
PM.....honey/sweetie......did some girl from your past MAJORLY screw you over or something? Is that why you're so bitter about women.....even in Ramadan?
A majority of your posts contain negative stereotypes about women as if you've met every single woman on this planet.
Yes.....desi men and desi women both belong to the same DESI culture. We get that.......that is stating the obvious. HOWEVER........many would agree that since desi culture is a male-dominated culture........men can get away with skeletons in the closet better than women can.
When parents have a son......they don't say........."Beta, please ghar jaldi laut aana...log kya kahain gay. Tumhay rishtay nahin milain gay. Beta.....tum please larkiyon se baat mat kiya karo. Log sochain gay tum aik awara, baysharam,
non-virgin ho. Hamari izzat mitti main mil jaye gi....bla bla bl bla."
I've EVEN heard of desi moms.....EDUCATED DESI MOMS.....who have lived in the US for MANY years say that they don't want their daugther to get a Master's Degree because she won't get rishtay." However.......you rarely hear parents preventing their sons from getting a higher degree.
I think that YOU have been innoculated with desi culture long enough to know that our CULTURE has double standards when it comes to men and women. ISLAM sets the same rule for both genders regarding several issues...............BUT.................our desi culture has it's own version of Islam.
And if you deny it, PM, you must be living on some other planet.
I see it all the time in boys my age, they say they can have gfs and sex before marriage cos 'it's different' and it shocks me that in this day and age Mums and Dads (have to admit it does seem to be more Mums tho) that are propagating these ideas and attitudes. I've lost count the number of time non-Muslims have asked me how come the boys are allowed to get away with stuff but girls aren't. If it was worse for girls to commit zina etc in Islam how come the punishment is exactly the same??? I wish the Mosques (cos the parents on the whole are no good) would teach this stuff and snuff out this retarded bit of our culture.
Ditto.........Deeba! It's because it seems we have two versions of Islam running around. And it seems that our desi society might pray 5 times a day and practice the 5 pillars of Islam..................but when it comes to fundamental principles and views...........they choose to follow their own Islam.
In my opinion, I find it hard to sympathize with parents who establish a disparity between the upbringing of their sons and daugthers and then complain when things blow up in their faces.
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hmm hmm i never understand these feminists. what do u expect? Who do u blame? parents? why? Girls n guys r inherently different...god made us different. A girl is more vulnerable than a guy. Equality doesnt mean vr same, this is jus a fallacy perpetuated by capitalist system to cause more divisions. Ofcourse girl will get the blame more than a guy. This is how world views the relationships between girls n guys, like it or not. However, these r the rules of the world so GALS STOP COMPLAINING. If i was a gal, i wud behave according to the rules of the game. its like would u b blaming the striker for scorin a goal or the goal keeper for not stoppin the ball? not v politically correct but this is how most guys wud view it n d society wud view a relationship, even other gals. can u change it? No, feminists r just a bunch of rebels without cause.
For guys who commit sins, when we die, God will punish guys aswell.
However, Issues like forced marriages are where the problem is in asian culture and thats when i think this disparity becomes very wrong n totally unacceptable and we need to educate people and support the victims. Also, girls who r not allowed to get educated etc. Although, u cud argue this r all interlinked issues but u cant change d above one but u can change d bottom ones as they r clearly wrong, i tink.
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Redvelvet, It's almost like brainwashing some of the stuff we're taught is Islam when it's just backwards desi culture, another example is when parents say 'Paradise is beneath ur Mother's feet' to try and twist and imply that a child must blindly follow his Mum no matter if she's doing something that's blatantly wrong or oppressive. It's like common sense goes out the window..
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there is a very fine line between double standard and hypocrisy...and I would be very amused if men thought their crap is forgivable just because of their gender. Skeletons or not, it feels good to know Allah is not gender biased as much as men would like to think so...
**A female servant was working in the garden, and the owner of the house came outside with a bad neeyat, and asked her to come inside the house and close all the doors. She did, and he asked "did you close all of them?"
she said "yes, all but one, that i cannot close"
he said "which one?"
she pointed to the ceiling.
the man turned away and left the room.
I dont believe in the double standard our culture promotes. It is actually very unhealthy for male adolescents.
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Shaz 1, I understand that fair doesn't necessarily mean equal. And in some matters (such as inheritance, for example) men receive a greater share of the property than women do. And men are allowed 4 wives whereas women can't have multiple spouses. I GET THAT!
What I'm referring to is THOSE Islamic laws which are the same for both genders in Islam. For example, premarital sex and drinking are forbidden for BOTH genders. But desi parents are more strict with their daughters than they are with their sons when it comes to such matters. For example, Desi soceity would look down on a woman who smokes.......or drinks.........but not so much on a desi guy who does these things. In desi soceity.......when a woman is divorced.......it is usually assumed that SHE MUST HAVE DONE SOMETHING wrong in the marriage.......she MUST BE the guilty one.
Your argument is a weak one, Shaz. A real weak one. To say that we should simply accept that this is the way the world works is defeatist thinking. Not only that........such views only further perpetuate the double standards in our society. The Prophet SAWS had to preach to a JAAHIL society that was set in it's way. He didn't fold his arms and say, "This is the way world is, so just accept it. I ain't preaching no message. I ain't gonna correct absurd beliefs. I ain't gonna educate the wayward people cuz that's just how they are. I ain't gonna prevent injustices from happening. Because that's just the way the world is."
If that's your mentality..........then why bother? Why bother trying to even make a difference on an individual level?
There's a hadith that as Muslims when we see something wrong taking place.......we should try to stop it with our hands. IF we're too weak to do that........we complain to someone who can do something about it. If we can't even do that........we should at least pray for things to get better......and this is the weakest level of faith.
^But to say, "Meh......that's just the way the world is"...........that's absurd and DANGEROUS thinking. Such mentality is the **BREEDING GROUND **for societal ills and injustices.
YES........Allah will punish men AND women for sins when they die. BUT..........Allah and Islam has placed responsibilities upon us. A ruler is responsible for his country. A father....as the head of his household........is responsible for his family. And parents are responsible for raising their children PROPERLY.
Family is the ROOT of society. When parents themselves raise their children with DOUBLE STANDARDS............that's when **FITNA **and all kinds of SINS run rampant in society.
^ So.........to say that Allah will deal with us......meanwhile let's just accept the world for the way it is.......IS WRONG. Because Alalh will hold society responsible for not only perpetuating gunnah but also for NOT trying to stop it.
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The creator of this thread, PCG, simply posed a question. She wasn't bashing the men. YET......the few men who HAVE responded to this thread have so quickly jumped to labeling thinking women as "Feminists." Oh how hilarious.
It seems to me that a woman becomes a "feminist" when she chooses to think critically about issues. A woman becomes a "feminist" when uses her brain. A woman becomes a "feminist" when stands up for herself and her** basic** rights. And a woman becomes a "feminist" when she gets upset and complains or if she has preferences and opinions. And overall........a woman becomes a "feminist" if she begins to make more sense than a man.
And what shall we call a man who can't even comprehend the most simplest and basic of concepts? A **Neanderthal? **It seems a more fitting label than "chauvinist."
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redvelvet...^so funny right! i mean...if you look at the laws in the Quran, there is so much emphasis on giving women their rights, to protect them, and to promote and fight for justice and equality! YET desi men would rather believe in their version of religion (god knows what it is) sometimes i hear things from our desi aunties/uncles/youth that sound so ridiculous! i mean dont they ever use their brains to judge what is right and wrong instead of being fed mambo jambo from every 'scholar' and whatnot??!!!
its like they dont want to make an effort to know their own religion let alone understand/follow it..
- from what i see on these forums (generally speaking) according to men equality=feminism.... so are they downright rejecting the Message?? what do the mothers have to say? do men think they are privileged? who is making them believe that? are they delusional?
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I am sorry ladies .. but why you all turn every Life1 thread into men bashing thread? You seem to be doing that right here this very moment ...
and the answer of PCG's initial pots is .. yes, unfortunately it is like that. I cant think of a reason why, it does not sound right, but the standard of acceptable character is different for men and women, in general
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What is so feminist about this Allah reham karey. LarKi ney ek chota sa sawaal kiya tha 
PCG, to answer you question, for some reason, yes, it is more acceptable in our culture for men to have more skeletons in the closet. However, if you’ll look around (even in this forum :D), you will see that now women are taking control where needed once these skeletons are revealed. Slowly but surely.
Calling someone a ‘feminist’ is a pretty standard response when a woman dares to bring up her Islamic rights (inc the infamous not living with inlaws). So predictable.. 