Re: Skanky or Practical
no no. which is why she is adamant that its not improving. i went with the "it will improve over time dont worry" but she said theyve done it a number of times since then and its gotten worse. hence im at a loss for words.
Re: Skanky or Practical
answer is above post
Ok, so it didn't happen only once?
Just out of curiousity, was.it the guys first time too? If he is a reformed 'bad boy' as you say, surely he must have some.idea in how to have good sex. Im guessing the problem here is a pyschological one, now that they don't have to fight for their love its not so sexy anymore.
I've seen this happen to several friends of mine too.
Re: Skanky or Practical
I think its natural for couples to be a little out of sync in the beginning. They are still learning each other in that way, and its important to discuss their needs in an open and mature conversation. When I got married (had a love marriage, so the chemistry was there from the beginning), we hadnt done anything before so it was a little "weird". I wouldnt say it was bad, but I just didnt know what to expect and we hadnt discussed anything either, so each of our needs werent known. 4 months is not long enough to sync your needs, especially if they arent discussing what each of them are expecting, or what each of them like. Sometimes its an awkward discussion to have (even if you have been together for a long time, some people just arent comfortable discussing their sexual needs), but if she really does want to save this relationship, she needs to open up to her partner about what satisfies her and what she needs from him. It will get better as they get more comfortable together, and learn what they want from each other. And sometimes, if you cant say what you want, it helps to show them what you want.
Also, please please please tell your friend to be diligent about birth control. Even as a married woman I am diligent about birth control, because we just arent ready to have children yet (and Im a few years older than 22 - LOL), and she is not even married yet.
This is such a wonderful reply! Thank you! I might just quote u word for word!!!!!
Re: Skanky or Practical
I think it wasnt his first time. He has been insanely in love with her since they were together but they got together when he was like 24 or something. So he had some bit of experience, or maybe a lot, i cant say. He was in hot and heavy relationships before her, but she came along and he was totally smitten. Its a big disappointment for her that it is so. They waited so long for her sake, and she knows it wasnt him for he doesnt have the same value system as such which entails waiting around. He is rather western in that manner, if you are together you are together bus. Which is why this now is such a big issue
Just out of curiousity, was.it the guys first time too? If he is a reformed 'bad boy' as you say, surely he must have some.idea in how to have good sex. Im guessing the problem here is a pyschological one, now that they don't have to fight for their love its not so sexy anymore. I've seen this happen to several friends of mine too.
Re: Skanky or Practical
could it be psychological?
Based on what you said, I stick to what I said, she shouldn't go ahead with it. Uncertainty is too high in this situation in my opinion. So, better safe than sorry.
no no. which is why she is adamant that its not improving. i went with the "it will improve over time dont worry" but she said theyve done it a number of times since then and its gotten worse. hence im at a loss for words.
Re: Skanky or Practical
This is such a wonderful reply! Thank you! I might just quote u word for word!!!!!
Thank you! Im speaking from experience myself, so maybe thats why it just makes sense. Im not saying my husband is/was bad in bed by any means, but it just took us a while to sync our needs, and trust me, its wonderful now that we know what we want :)
Re: Skanky or Practical
I think thats a really good way of putting it, syncing needs. Does it really take such a long time though? I was lost when she said they had been at it for four months!
Thank you! Im speaking from experience myself, so maybe thats why it just makes sense. Im not saying my husband is/was bad in bed by any means, but it just took us a while to sync our needs, and trust me, its wonderful now that we know what we want :)
Re: Skanky or Practical
could it be psychological?
Based on what you said, I stick to what I said, she shouldn't go ahead with it. Uncertainty is too high in this situation in my opinion. So, better safe than sorry.
Yes but imagine the huge drama and hue and cry if she were to end it now? Wedding in JAN!
Re: Skanky or Practical
See even if there is a 50/50 chance of it working out, if she hits the 50% chance of not working out after marriage and she screams for divorce or cheats, in my opinion that would be a bigger drama
On the other hand, if the chances were 20/80 or even 30/70, my opinion may have been different
Yes but imagine the huge drama and hue and cry if she were to end it now? Wedding in JAN!
Re: Skanky or Practical
that is a good point waise
See even if there is a 50/50 chance of it working out, if she hits the 50% chance of not working out after marriage and she screams for divorce or cheats, in my opinion that would be a bigger drama
Re: Skanky or Practical
I think thats a really good way of putting it, syncing needs. Does it really take such a long time though? I was lost when she said they had been at it for four months!
It takes as long as it takes a couple to discuss what it is they want. If she is not saying anything to the guy, and just letting it go on the same way it was from the beginning, its not going to improve, and she already feels like it has gotten worse and its just going to keep getting worse, because her expectations keep going higher (thinking this next time will improve) and she keeps getting disappointed. He probably thinks that whatever he is doing is fine, when in actuality she is not liking it. She needs to speak up, and make her needs known if she wants to be satisfied. Otherwise this guy will continue doing what he has been doing, and its going to cause resentment. She already is torn about marrying him now. So if she wants to save this relationship, she needs to speak up now, because it wont get better until she says something to him.
Re: Skanky or Practical
Is it possible the guy could have just lied about not being a virgin or led her to believe that he wasn't? Unless he has some kids or sex tapes floating around, there's really no proof that he did it all.
Re: Skanky or Practical
She could marry another guy after deciding that he's a highly skilled and satisfying lover......and then after the first few months/years of marriage.......experience boredom. What will she do then? Marry another guy...or have an extramarital affair?
I think that she should just stay single and play the field....since you she say that's sexually versatile.....and once she's gotten it all out of her system....then she can seriously consider marriage.
Re: Skanky or Practical
She could marry another guy after deciding that he's a highly skilled and satisfying lover
if only we had tabulated historical sex-skills scores available to us for times like these ... go / no-go could be ascertained as easily as the z-scores!
Re: Skanky or Practical
Well he should seek councelling coz i think he needs psychological help. And secondly, she needs to supportive and understanding as well.
ab mangni ho gaii or shadi is just in corner and to add more, she has been with for 5 years. She has to suck up..(i wonder if she could litterally..hmmm)
Re: Skanky or Practical
Something just doesn’t match up in this story though 
I mean I’m sure they have great communication in all other parts of the relationship (after 5 years of dating), so why not this? It’s really not rocket science.
In-terms of her being prego. What’s done is done. When the results come in and if they’re positive, they have the choice of keeping it, but should be able to deal with the drama from the after-shock and lets not forget the label this child will never be able to leave behind. Or they can abort it, and deal with their guilt with ALLAH. There is no one right or wrong, it truly depends on both of them.
Re: Skanky or Practical
For some people/couples, it takes a while to be comfortable with each other and express what each other enjoys. I think it will develop. Emotions and circumstances affect a lot more than one realizes, and if there is any guilt or worry associated with what they are doing, it could affect them negatively. So could the fact that she had built up these high expectations and he couldn't fulfill them.
I would say that they have made a commitment to each other and should go ahead with the marriage and as they become more comfortable expressing and experimenting, they'll have more fun.
Re: Skanky or Practical
I like how the mature and wiser users are giving such comforting advice!
For some people/couples, it takes a while to be comfortable with each other and express what each other enjoys. I think it will develop. Emotions and circumstances affect a lot more than one realizes, and if there is any guilt or worry associated with what they are doing, it could affect them negatively. So could the fact that she had built up these high expectations and he couldn't fulfill them.
I would say that they have made a commitment to each other and should go ahead with the marriage and as they become more comfortable expressing and experimenting, they'll have more fun.
Re: Skanky or Practical
Not everyone has a** bearable** lovelife