Your Hubby has told you basically he doesnt love you, never has. He married out of necessity and for sake of parents happiness.
Sorry, but your husband sounds like a douchebag. I know it sounds harsh, but seriously what kind of guy tells you AFTER THE WEDDING that he doesn't love u, never has, and ony married to fulfill his parents' happiness? That is the most SELFISH thing I've heard. His parents WOULD NOT have died if he had decided to delay his marriage unti he found someone that he was more attracted to. He was spineless. And he decided to mess YOUR life up in order to fulfill his parents' happiness. He's also selfish. More power to you if you're willing to stay with someone like that.
Random Events take place that means he is in a bad mood all the time. You have learnt to live with that. Things are tight money wise and hence there is no room for spending. You have learnt to deal with the relationship but small episodes make u mad. You try and live your life that if u dont make these people happy then god will not be happy with you. So how would you have dealt with the following:
^That is your problem right there. You haven't snapped out of this mentality have you? It's been a little over a year.....and you're still thinking that God will punish you. You even blamed yourself for the first divorce and forced marriage that your parents got you into. Now you're blaming yourself for this? The Prophet SAWS said that the best man is the one who is the KINDEST to his wife? How do you feel about that? What does that say about your husband? It's low self-esteem. You can't blame yourself for other people's problems. He's an adut not a frickin baby. He has he option to either do something proactive about his issues.....or he can take his anger out on his wife and the rest of the world. But he chose to make the wrong decision.
He doesnt give you a chance to explain and well he is very emotionless and hated people showing emotion and basically mocks you each time you try so you dont do that anymore.
^You can't exactly have healthy communication with someone who doesn't speak to you for 4 days and is not open to listening to what you have to say. If he's not gonna listen......then don't bother talking to the big baby. The more you show that you are hurt by someone's actions....the more power you give that person. Act confident and calm. Act unaffected by his toddler-like tantrums. Maybe he'll snap out of it after he sees that you'r unaffected by his immature behavior.
So then I have thought that okay I will clean my own room from now on so she wont have to do it. And get better instructions from MIL. Its just that when he is like that for four days i hate it cause I feel angry at all the sacrifices and all the bad history between us. MIL doesnt know about stuff as hubby is different around her and expects me to be all happy etc but its the same crap as soon as he is in the room
What a control freak. He expects you to put up with his crappy moods and then to also put on a happy face around his mom so she'll never see what a LOSER he is. LOL!
Any objective advice.
I dont need self pity etc. I need to know what I can do in the future to avoid being in this situation.
Nobody is pitying you. The only thing that bothers me is your low self-esteem. There's a saying that "You teach people how to treat you." So, if you're always showing people that you're a doormat who is willing to compromise and change herself for others.........then that's how you'll be treated. If you show that you will not be taken advantage of and that you demand respect.....others will think twice about treating you like dirt.
I don't think that I personally could stay with someone like that. But...if you plan to stay with him....then I support Reha's advice that you need to keep yourself busy with uplifting and healthy activities and develop yourself. Apart from that I think that you need to talk to your husband. If you fear becoming emotional and weepy in front of him........then write a letter.
Tell him that you had no idea that by marrying you he was only USING YOU to make his parents happy. Tell him that Islamically the best husband is one who is kindest to his wife........and that his frequent negative moods are further destroying the marriage. Tell him that giving someone the cold shoulder is not a mature grown-up way of dealing with issues. And then tell him that you expect to be treated with respect and that this would include mature and calm communication. And tell him that if he can't manage that.....you don't care to respond to him. If he starts yelling (not mature).......you'll simply walk away. If he gives a cold shoulder.......you won't go chasing after him. Tell him that. That's an objective enough message. And then go about your life. Maybe the loser will develop some respect for you once he sees that you're a strong woman with a busy life and not some push-over.
