Re: Sitting too close with cousins
these truck artists are nothing short of great philosophers. Its us who don’t understand them and take them lightly or in humor.
PS: cousins are na-mehram and should be treated as na-mehram. Thinking of them as sister or brother is good and all but at the end of the day, they are still na-mehram
Restored attachments:
Re: Sitting too close with cousins
He shouldn’t get too comfy with someone who attempted suicide because she liked him, cousin or no cousin. Common sense, esp if his wife isn’t happy about it either!
Re: Sitting too close with cousins
these things and feelings really go away after a while. infatuation is a shade of love and passion. Just keep away from haram, and do the wiser thing that maintain social order in the family.
If I married every girl who was infatuated with me…well, i dont think it would be right..they are all happily married or engaged now. thank god.
Re: Sitting too close with cousins
Well..regardless of anything. The husband should maintain his physical distance with female relative of hers. Especially if it was someone..who was interested in him. Will save lots of heartache for him and his wife…
Re: Sitting too close with cousins
So this has nothing to do with religion. They had a love marriage so I assume the way he interacts with his family and his “liberal” views on his was not a surprise to her after the wedding. She trusts him. HE is not the one initiating the physical contact.
Yet despite all this, she wants to be on guard when he is hanging around his family during events and stop acting the way he has been acting his entire life. Perhaps I am in the minority but based on this information alone, I don’t think this is worth getting upset over and causing an argument/tension in the marriage. Forcing her husband to be on guard when he’s events such a wedding will lead to nothing but resentment on his part. I could understand if this was a religious concern OR if the wife was really worried about the potential of cheating. But neither of those are an issue here. The husband had his chance to marry his cousins but HE rejected them. He CHOSE to marry his wife. Marriage already has plenty of issues that couples need to resolve. In my personal opinion, this is not something that’s worth creating a fuss over.
You and several others have mentioned how he’s being inconsiderate of her feelings. What about HIS feelings? How is he supposed to feel when he’s being told he must be on guard when at weddings/Eid gatherings around his blood family and needs to think twice before sitting somewhere, and interacting with cousins who he has interacted with his whole life? I, for one, certainly wouldn’t blame him if he feels like his wife doesn’t trust him with his own cousins…cousins who HE could have easily married but rejected already.
Re: Sitting too close with cousins
The issue is not about trusting her husband, I don’t think anyone is saying he’s cheating on her..it’s just inconsiderate of his wife’s feelings..the partner who has the complaints is the one who should be heard and both should come to a middle ground that satisfies both partners, the husband is not the one complaining so the focus is on the wife’s feelings because she is the one that is being hurt…he doesn’t have to be touchy feely with a female cousin who had romantic feelings for him even if he himself rejected her..his wife is not comfortable with it, not because she doesn’t trust her husband is because other people can often get involved to ruin relationships..seems like shes being wary of her more than her hsuband..it’s not all that rare to hear about relationships being sabotaged by others including relatives..better to avoid such situations..regardless of her reasons or how absurd it may sound, he should care about his wife’s feelings over a cousin..as you know marriage is a give and take, she’s not telling him to cut them out of his lives or not enjoy..she’s not being unreasonable by saying just avoid being touchy feely with another female regardless of his relationship with her, he can still enjoy his cousins company in many other appropriate ways
Sorry Paheli, I don’t think it’s that hard to understand why this sort of interaction is inappropriate after you’ve reached a certain age. It’s insensitive and inconsiderate on his part to dismiss it completely and not even try to make a small change. Like others have already pointed out, she isn’t demanding anything unreasonable. She isn’t saying he stop interacting with his cousins; only that he keep a little distance. When these cousins get married, i don’t think their husbands would appreciate so much free mixing with male cousins.
Re: Sitting too close with cousins
No reason to apologize. I realize my view is in the minority. If your friend feels that this is a strong enough issue for her to continue bringing it up then that’s totally up to her. Either way she’s the one living in that situation. As for future husbands of these cousins…only time will tell what happens. No reason for any of us to speculate.
Re: Sitting too close with cousins
If he tolerates her liberalness then she should too?
Re: Sitting too close with cousins
maybe I’m totally off base here and you guys can shed some light but I have some expectations of my spouse and feel that this is the ONE rishta in my life where I would want him to ensure that he puts me before all others, sometimes even including himself. translated into this scenario, yes, I would expect him to change the way he has been doing things all his life if those things were making me insecure or uncomfortable.
I’m sure that eventually his wife would reach a point where she would blindly trust him but right now her language is suggesting that she has an insecurity and it needs to be addressed. by my books, he is obligated to cater to her needs.
Re: Sitting too close with cousins
^No, no Muzna…you are the too much wrong here. Spouse is only the person you shack up with for the rest of your life till death (or divorce) does you part. So they are not as special as the “eid ka chand” cousin of opposite gender. The latter should be given special treatment. You know…hold cousin reallly reallly tight and don’t let them out of your sight…cuz aisa mubarak mauqa to muddat k baad dobara aayega.
Re: Sitting too close with cousins
Wish more people had your mindset..and of course would go both ways, each partner doing for each other
Re: Sitting too close with cousins
Well said! I feel like there should be a college course called Marriage 101 and getting this right should be made mandatory. Of course, if only half the people got this right we wouldn’t see so many divorces for the stupidest reasons. We see some people who understand this and get abused by manipulative spouses who don’t understand this concept. If everyone understood this, we wouldn’t have people taking advantage of each other. Less ego, less struggles, less compromises, less of everything that results in a divorce. For this to be successful, both parties must understand this.
Re: Sitting too close with cousins
Biwi to door ki baat hai, my mother won’t let me live in peace if I ever get that ‘close’ with my female cousins 
BTW, do girls like ‘that cousin’ exist in this world who overdose in love?
Re: Sitting too close with cousins
Sleeping Pills… …
for her brother…
Re: Sitting too close with cousins
Now…that’s an overreaction…
And ekunmmung such girls I don’t think exists…
And I toh am against self pain…etc..and that too for ur brother(romantically)
(Brothers are born so that mummy papa can save on punch bags..)
Aur…in our religion …its forbidden…its very wild concept to feel anything abt ur cousins…
The whole point of rakhi…
And…baki … With me toh Didi hamesha sath rhi hai… She doesn’t let me mingle much.. Neither do I want to… We all sit together and then talk… Kabhi akele mein Koi bat ni krta touching ka toh sawal ni…
And mutual feelings se jyada I get concerned about molestation…of children…by relatives…and cousins..
Re: Sitting too close with cousins
And…agree with Muzna…
