Sitting too close with cousins

[Paheli00]

Re: Sitting too close with cousins

@Laiha

I don’t think it’s for religious reasons. It’s more about possessiveness perhaps? Don’t know if that’s the right word. Based on what I’ve been told, her husband used to like his khala’s daughter (way back in college days) then she moved out of country and they lost touch and he moved on. Then there was this other cousin (phuphu’s daughter) who liked him but he thought of her as his baby sister. So clearly, it’s not as simple as he is making it sound that feelings don’t develop between cousins.
They had a love marriage, so it’s not a trust issue. She knows he loves her and takes his marriage seriously. She just doesn’t like other girls touching him, whether it is his cousin sisters or hers. They have had this conversation twice before, so I personally think she is right to be upset if he is still not being considerate enough. In his defense, he isn’t putting his arm around anyone. It was the girls each time. But he didn’t have to sit so close that such an opportunity would present itself repeatedly.

So this has nothing to do with religion. They had a love marriage so I assume the way he interacts with his family and his “liberal” views on his was not a surprise to her after the wedding. She trusts him. HE is not the one initiating the physical contact.

Yet despite all this, she wants to be on guard when he is hanging around his family during events and stop acting the way he has been acting his entire life. Perhaps I am in the minority but based on this information alone, I don’t think this is worth getting upset over and causing an argument/tension in the marriage. Forcing her husband to be on guard when he’s events such a wedding will lead to nothing but resentment on his part. I could understand if this was a religious concern OR if the wife was really worried about the potential of cheating. But neither of those are an issue here. The husband had his chance to marry his cousins but HE rejected them. He CHOSE to marry his wife. Marriage already has plenty of issues that couples need to resolve. In my personal opinion, this is not something that’s worth creating a fuss over.

You and several others have mentioned how he’s being inconsiderate of her feelings. What about HIS feelings? How is he supposed to feel when he’s being told he must be on guard when at weddings/Eid gatherings around his blood family and needs to think twice before sitting somewhere, and interacting with cousins who he has interacted with his whole life? I, for one, certainly wouldn’t blame him if he feels like his wife doesn’t trust him with his own cousins…cousins who HE could have easily married but rejected already.