For those of you married here, what kind of relationship do you have with your sister in law. I have a good relationship with the older one, but the younger one just totally drives me nuts. She thinks she is God’s gifts to mankind and cannot stop praising herself, some of the stuff that she says just rubs me the wrong way and she is very cunning she says stuff in such a manner that other person wouldnt even know it but there is a snide remark hidden in it. I thank Allah that she lives far but whenever she comes I have to deal with her. What are some of your experiences? and ways of coping with sister in laws :).
Mine are nice, one is a few months older than me n the other is around 16. I live with the younger one (joint family) so i have a better relationship with her, but once in a blue moon, we have a our lil tiffs ( n then she wont talk n i wont talk for a day or two n then things will go back to normal (kinda liek siblin thing), im a bit senstivie plus i can be blunt, she can be a bit blunt just as well, but other than that, shes nice n sweet (she may pretend she isnt). Plus she knows how to do hair, so we r always hittin her up for that.. its goood to have her..
n my older one, i havent spent much time with her, n shes a shy typa person n so am i, so we havent been super close or anything, its a complex, rasmi/casual relationship.. i gues cuz we both dont kno each other that well.. but shes nice too, no larayi jhagra, nuthin liek that..
me an my deivar firght alot thou, its all in fun thou..
if sumthin is said that i might not liek, i just keep it to myself, or try to atleast n get superrrrrrr quiet.. n my hubby can pik it up right away so jus talk to him nout it, but unlesssssssssssssssssssss its sumthin thats really hurt me, i dont ever let him come in the middle of it.
want me to kill her?
i have connections you know 
I don’t have a really good realtionship with my sis in law.
Coz she think i will do everything what she say erm.. i dont
think so. and she always play boss over me and i really dont
like that sometimes i wish i could send her to the moon
forever 
mine r really nice! MashaAllah 
i think if u just go in knowin that u can be a possible friend of hers, instead of a bhabhi or a sister, things will work out betteer, but there r people out there who r mean spirited out of sheer spite, and thats when u really cant do anything more than makin attempts to win them over. These rishtas r sooo nazuk, yet so damn permanent, both sides need to work at it to make it stronger. I dont see any point in relaionships that need to be dragged out for the sake of obligation.
Relationships with the family you acquire through marriage can be really complicated.
With some of them, it's better to keep things cordial and superficial. Time will tell you which ones can develop into something special.
Just try to be yourself and give the others the benefit of the doubt. Things will not always be simple, but inshallah you will be able to find ways to cope when they come. You can only do your best. If you're sure you've done your best then relax!
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*Originally posted by Shirin: *
Relationships with the family you acquire through marriage can be really complicated.
With some of them, it's better to keep things cordial and superficial. Time will tell you which ones can develop into something special.
Just try to be yourself and give the others the benefit of the doubt. Things will not always be simple, but inshallah you will be able to find ways to cope when they come. You can only do your best. If you're sure you've done your best then relax!
[/QUOTE]
Exactly my thoughts and my approach with my s-i-l. She was 19 when she married my brother. So she was not 'properly trained' by her parents in terms of manners and etiquette. Her family were much more leniant than my family. My mother had to correct her on several occasions. Like always go say Salaam to your elders first as soon as you see them. And she was not always eager to help out my mom in terms of domestic things. She's come around now and adjusted well. I think the first year for any d-i-l is always a time to learn and grow. Unfortunately not all girls will view it as such and will instead create problems or become zidhi.
I have to say my s-i-l is really a good girl. But we just don't click in terms of personality. I'm a simple person in my tastes and probably prefer more intellectual things (not to sound snobby). She likes Bollywood I like Indie films. She likes to go to parties. I like to stay home and read a good book/play with my daughter. Whenever I go back to visit my parents and she's there, I find she makes no effort to hang out. Sometimes it's like she's avoiding me. I've mentioned to my brother that she seems intimidated by me and he chose his words carfully saying, "She didn't really get to know you yet." Well make some effort will you! I know I've tried.
But anyways, she has two sisters and I never had a sister. So maybe she just doesn't need another sister to deal with. i don't know.
Alhumdollilah, I do not have any sis-in-laws but I am not married either. Not that I abhor the idea of having sister-in-law infact since I do not have any sister, I think it would be lovely to have such a relation ‘if’ I decide to settle down.
But not being married does not mean I have not experienced anything.Infact for me its a painful reminder and a painful topic because I got engaged in a family of 11 people in my absence 
So, I 'll relate a brief anecdote here
I had never seen my 5 sister-in-laws (all unmarried). So, while I was studying in US, I was forced to reach out to them, email them and call them much to my consternation. But what was worse was when they took my eidee ( abt which I had absolutely no clue) to my home back in Pakistan. Well, I thanked them for what they brought for me BUT that was not enough. Those girls actually told their brother, my family and their own family that she (that is me) didn’t say anything about the dresses, whether she liked the color and whatnot. My ammi got furious but she was soooo much in love with those people that she kept on overlooking their excesses. How could I possibly, sitting so far from them comment on the material or admire anything that they brought for me. As if a simple thanks and a call wasn’t enough for them.
This was just the start sighs and when I came back it got worst. Oh well…
khair, my family realized much later that they would never let me live in peace and so miraculously I was able to call it off. Some of my very dear friends thought i was having a blast of a time in Pakistan thats why I didn’t miss them or wrote to them, lol. sighs
saimanyc, do u n ur bhabhi both live in joint family systems? seperate ones ofcourse!!
Re: Sister-in-laws
Salam all Bhabhiyan and all Sisters, being a sister in-law is a very delicate but in fact an important relationship which both sides have to deal with for their loved one’s sake. :( (Please bear with my poor writing skills) It doesn't matter if you are form brother's side or husband's. It’s a relationship you never chose to be in but cannot run away easily. Unfortunately our culture plays also a big role in developing this relationship.
From the beginning girls are told and forced to be learning how to deal with in-laws. This training involves cooking, cleaning and other ways they can provide their services to husband and his family. But sometimes this training can have side effects, which we are not able to find out most of the time. Psychologically and emotionally if you tell a little girl form the beginning and scare her that what out comes will be if she doesn’t learn to do chores proper way, then she will be judged by her in-laws and will bring her family name down… ect. This kind of inputs can intimidate a persons and extreme dislike towards in-laws could develop in her heart with out knowing. This is a time when this poor girl is passing the stage of being a little girl and entering into her teenage life. This period plays a vital roll in her life; here she really becomes what she will be for the rest of her life. In other words, this is a character building process.
Same behaviour applies towards sister in-law from brother’s side. That poor girl is not only going through her life cycle but the person she loved and cared all her life is not her’s anymore. The love, care and attention she used to get is being split. She realizes that her brother belongs to someone else now.
Anyhow, being in a relation ship of this kind is not only for blaming the other person. You never know, all this time you think that you are the victim, but there is a possibility that in real life, situation is reverse.
It’s a matter of mature ness and self-respect. By blaming other person you can only give yourself comfort and receive pity from others. As they say… (Barish ka pehla qatra bano). Just become a first one to clear the air. Remember clean heart doesn’t need any justification for its actions; actions will speak clearly for themselves. It’s never too late to do a right thing. Remember building and keeping the respect for your sister in-laws can only make your relationship stronger and less stressful with your spouse or sibling, because he loves you both from his heart and soul… how do I know it? … because I’m one of them. :)
Re: Sister-in-laws
^so do u need more input from others? :)
For the record: Its a balanced one. If it were for just me and her, we wud've been soulmates. lol.. yeah more than blood sisters (though we're not related)... the difference to our personalities is like the difference between black and white. But she's a cool girl and I am pretty calm too. But then there's always family politics involved...and I for one, give ppl benefit of the doubt, not jumping to conclusion. I think its best for one to keep their distance and be courteous but that doesn't mean u let ppl walk all over u.
Well its always complicated with inlaws. They have to get to know you and you have to know them before a mutual trust is developed eh.
Re: Sister-in-laws
I cant get along with my sis in law she thinks she can say everything to me and i'll listen to her. She is such a Bitch!
Re: Sister-in-laws
Mine are reallllllllllllllllllllllllly sweet.
The younger one is an angel. A beautiful beautiful person ...both inside and out. I'm blessed she's in the family. Even though i'm her bhabi heheheh she is always helping me out, telling me what to be aware of, trying to make me less depressed, trying to get the family to be more sensitive towards me cuz im new....a perfect person :):):):)
The elder one is wonderful too. Brilliant person....
MY brother in laws are excellent as well...they never bother with me and i love that. People leaving me alone
Re: Sister-in-laws
Wow..so any pearls of wisdom you could share? How did you deal with her still? I just moved into my husbands family house (I moved from North Carolina to Queens) and I sense some problems beginning with his older sister and mother. The younger sister and me are really getting along great though. But I don't want to be superclose with one, and then no relationship with the other. Any advice on coping? How's everthing turning out.
Re: Sister-in-laws
I* think* i am a nice sister in law to my bhabhi, espeically now that they had a baby, i hope to be a good phupho. As for his family, i’ve spoken to his bhabhis and sisters on a few occasions, and when I met them, they were pretty nice to me. 
Re: Sister-in-laws
Inshallah, i hope we all get along.
Re: Sister-in-laws
Tell your hubby to choose her or you.
Re: Sister-in-laws
^ Wha?
Re: Sister-in-laws
no wife or husband shud ask thier spouse to give up someONE (unless there’s an xtremely good reason) , thats just not fair or right to the spouse or the person being asked to be given up. 