Do you know any women who just never married? What’s their life like? Do they get a happily ever after in their own way or do you think aging is pretty hard for them being alone?
Single Spinsters in Pakistan/Abroad
Yes, I know of one such lady in my inlaws..she's my mil's niece...like her second cousin or something. Anyway, this lady was the eldest sibling when her father passed away. She helped support the family by giving tuition...kept up with her her own studies..became a teacher and later a principal of a school. She basically raised all her younger siblings, got them settled and married and then didn't want to leave her elderly and aging mother so she never married. She's in her late 60's now and retired. Lives on her own flat and basically is still the matriarch of her family. Has never married. They were not well off or rich at all, but she believed in the power of education. My mil told me she had to put up with some taanay baazi, but she was pretty strong in her resolve
Re: Single Spinsters in Pakistan/Abroad
My immediate and extended family is HUGE, so I seem to have quite few examples to give . I have over 70 FIRST cousins alone(may not seem much to some); my cousins ages range from mid 60's to age 7!
So my extended family is even bigger, children of my cousins, children of my parents cousins etc etc.
We have quite a few unmarried women in our family.
One is a 43 year old. So far she has decided not to marry as she is taking care of her mother who is mentally challenged. The other siblings have all married. They are an extremely wealthy family. The father has deeded the primary family residence (worth crores) to this daughter. She MA takes care of her mother day and night. One son has no interest in his parents, so is on his own. The other children all visit very often and help out, the father has given distributed his wealth to the other children during his lifetime.
Another is a 50+ year old distant cousin. Kinnaird College educated, a phd holder. She also took care of her parents who had severe health problems. I am quite cllose with her, and asked her why she never married. She said' Since they were all sisters, with no other males in the family, she chose to take care of her parents' had she married, she did not think it was possible to take care of her parents". One parent is now deceased, but she continues to take care of her mother, as well as being the only source of income.
In both these cases, the two women chose to take care of their parents, Both are very educated and do not receive handouts and are very capable of taking care of their own affairs. Maybe this is their happily ever after.
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It's really sad that guys can do that (take care of parents) and still get married, and even find an extra pair of hands to help them do that. It's sad that these ladies had to choose between the two things. InshAllah they will get a lot in return for their sacrifice.
Re: Single Spinsters in Pakistan/Abroad
Keep reading Sprinters.
Re: Single Spinsters in Pakistan/Abroad
I have three examples, one in my family...they were just too pickey (thats what i hear from my mom.) The lady is in her early 40s and lives with her brothers now.
The second example is of a friend's phupho. She is in her 50s, a very sweet lady. She took care of her mother and didn't want to leave her sick. Never worked, but now lives with her brother and his family. Very sweet lady.
The 3rd one is a good ending. In my husband's family, one of his mom's cousin just recently got married and had a normal, big wedding. She is in her 50's and this was her first marriage, the her husband's second. This was actually in Karachi, and they have been married for almost 2 years now.
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I can't find any examples in my close or distant families as they don't believe in educating their children so every one gets married when they are in the range of 17-23. But I do have tons of examples where these marriages didn't worked out and the couple got separated and the guys married some one else but the women remained unmarried.
I think my family is the only one where us siblings went for higher studies and careers and married when we found the right person.
Re: Single Spinsters in Pakistan/Abroad
Such women, provided they don't get involved in any hanky panky otherwise, will be welcomed at the doors of Jannah by God himself. I think and believe.
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One of my parents cousin, she is 40+ I think.
From what I know, she is beautiful, caring and knows how to do everything a traditional wife should.
Rishta just didn't happen for her. She lives with her ageing mother and brother's family.
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another interesting topic.
there's none in my family though one of cousins had a late marriage.
but one of my colleagues is in her late forties.
she did not have any family problems nor she raised any siblings. she also belonged to a wealthy family but she never got married.
she is good looking too and well educated.
Re: Single Spinsters in Pakistan/Abroad
Yeah my one of my moms best friend.
She was the youngest in her family and when her siblings got married and parents got old, no one paid attention to her need of getting married and starting a family. She being the epitome of mashriki larki never said it herself. She started teaching and like khattis family member retired as a Principal from a college. She taught me Social Studies in school and she was no doubt one of my best teachers!
Now shes 62 and retired. Does khidmat of her parents who are in their late 90's. She is a patient of severe osteoporosis herself but whenever we ask her to take it easy, all she says is.. "If I take it easy, who will take care of my parents?".
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One of my best friends aunty is still unmarried amd shes in her 40s now i believe. From what ive heard though its all down to her being picky. Shes really pretty though and nice.
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Isnt it selfish of the parents to let their daughters remain I married to take care of them. Though in some cases I know it becomes an excuse for girls and also a source of personal satisfaction rather than a choice.
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[quote="Iconoclast, post:25, topic:308260"]
Isnt it selfish of the parents to let their daughters remain I married to take care of them. Though in some cases I know it becomes an excuse for girls and also a source of personal satisfaction rather than a choice./QUOT
I agree, but it does make sense if the parents literally have no one else or if theyre ill or something.
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One of our distance relative's, now in her 50's, never got married and lives with her mother and brother'a family to date. She was quite ill in her 20's and by the time she got better it simply never happened.
In our community there are soo many unmarried girls in their late 20's and 30's. I honestly get concerned about them because it's extremely difficult to find good rishtas here and then one can't help but wonder that what if it doesn't happen for them? It's a very unnerving thought but all we can do is keep all of them in our duas and pray that IA the right person comes along for them.
Re: Single Spinsters in Pakistan/Abroad
Isnt it selfish of the parents to let their daughters remain I married to take care of them. Though in some cases I know it becomes an excuse for girls and also a source of personal satisfaction rather than a choice.
I think the daughters in these cases usually insist on not marrying.. and not like all parents can make them..
There's a guy in my extended family who never married because he wanted to look after his siblings after his own father died.. He didn't think he'd be able to do it if he got married himself.. Seemed odd to me but it happens..
Re: Single Spinsters in Pakistan/Abroad
[quote="Iconoclast, post:25, topic:308260"]
Isnt it selfish of the parents to let their daughters remain I married to take care of them. Though in some cases I know it becomes an excuse for girls and also a source of personal satisfaction rather than a choice.[/QUOT
I agree, but it does make sense if the parents literally have no one else or if theyre ill or something.
There are old homes.
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why cant married women take care of their parents and keep them in her house??
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My aunt (father's younger sister) did not marry by choice.
She was young when I was kid (late 70s/80s). Actually her elder sister (my another aunt) had a dreadful marriage experience. Married to guy who proved to be scumbag. So my aunt decided she will never get married. She was a rebellious char considering it was late 70s/80s. Everyone in family tried to convince her but she did not change her decision. Good thing family did not believe in forced marriage. They let her live her own life the way she wanted to live. She completed her Masters (double masters in fact) and ultimately reached to really high post in one of the Govt institution. Bought house (and some other properties), car by her own earnings and lived a pretty independent and satisfied life.
Loved us to death. Used to take us to her home for weeks in summer break. Used to buy us toys, take us to picnics etc. Took us (myself and my sis) to All-Pakistan-Tour. I always saw her happy although I was not old enough to hold a conversation with her how she feels on average day when she is tired from all day's work and home alone. My father (being the eldest of living sibling) and mother tried a lot to convince her to move to our house but she didn’t except for her final days. She died young early 40s because of cancer which was diagnosed in later stages and was incurable.
Your thread has made me sad now. I still have hand-written letters from her that she wrote to me when I moved to USA some 16/17 years ago. She loved all her nieces and nephews but I (and my sister) was her special perhaps because we were first niece/nephew she had.
Just because she had it her own way I am happy for her but my gut feeling tells me that she could have lived even happier life.
Re: Single Spinsters in Pakistan/Abroad
i know some.
in my office there is one lady who is in her 50's. never married. highly educated, from a wealthy family, doesn't have any family obligations as such and she is good looking too. but marriage till to date not happened to her.
my sister's SIL. in her late 40's, very nice lady but they say she had some medical problem related to kidneys when she was young and people didn't come forward for her rishta as according to them "beemar larki ko ghar laney ki kya tuk hai".
i have few distant cousins, now in their late 30's and mid 40's but they choose to remain unmarried and say they are happier this way.
one is my aunt's friend now in her 70's, she never got married either due to circumstances or she was being picky i am not sure but she feels very very lonely and says that I do not regret of not being someone's wife but i do regret of not being someone's mother. my aunt tells us that her craving to have children of her own started long time back and she is badly suffering with this craving. :(