Simple question. The ones shackled with the old ball and chain need not reply.
Do you want your mom to find you a girl?
Or
Would you rather get to know the girl before you bring her home to the family?*
*I wanted to use the word date but considering how warped the discussion would get I just stuck with the wording we have now.
If you have the whole let my mom introduce me to girls and then we hang out and see each other and see if we are compatible argument that is essentially question 2 in reverse order.
I would rather get to know a girl before introducing her to my family. Ya see..recently my parents suggested some girl..she happens to be in our family friend circle. And my parents told me.."talk to her if this works out between you too and say you decided not to pursue each other it is ok". So with this philosophy in mind..i am thinking about as to whats wrong with try getting to know a girl my parents suggested. With that said..this girl is not un-known to me either..but thinking yo..
Not 24 yet, but I'll answer anyway.
Whichever happens first? If my mom finds me suitable girl I wouldn't say no, just cause I wanted to run my own show. And I'm not afraid of introducing someone to my parents either.
I'd prefer getting to know the girl first, when assessing my moms suggestion.
Oooh, I want to add a question to this - how many of your mommies would be perfectly fine with you meeting a girl and deciding to marry her, and then you either telling mommy: "Can you call so-and-so aunty and ask her for her daughter's rishta for me?" or "Mom, this is the girl I want to marry, the wedding is on the following date, yaad karkay aap bhi aajaana?"
Oooh, I want to add a question to this - how many of your mommies would be perfectly fine with you meeting a girl and deciding to marry her, and then you either telling mommy: "Can you call so-and-so aunty and ask her for her daughter's rishta for me?" or "Mom, this is the girl I want to marry, the wedding is on the following date, yaad karkay aap bhi aajaana?"
My mom is more than happy with the frist one and second would probably result in me being dead :p
Oooh, I want to add a question to this - how many of your mommies would be perfectly fine with you meeting a girl and deciding to marry her, and then you either telling mommy: "Can you call so-and-so aunty and ask her for her daughter's rishta for me?" or "Mom, this is the girl I want to marry, the wedding is on the following date, yaad karkay aap bhi aajaana?"
Sehrysh, exactly what happened. Showed them a picture and said she is it, the parents said okay tell us more and within a short conversation said okay so let's figure out next steps. Same happened with my brother later, he told the parents about who he wanted to marry and it happened.
I've known situations where a guy telling his family "I met the one, I'd like to marry her." is rebuffed by the parents. In a recent case not only did the mom say hell no, she forced her son to marry a girl from back home, who he ended up divorcing in a matter of months and then the mom went and asked for the rishta of the girl she had said hell no to.
I've seen cases where some parents hate the loss of control in the selection process of their DIL, as opposed to disliking the girl for who she is.
P.S. Didn't want to derail the thread or take it on a different tangent, but I think the questions I ask have to considered by guys when they figure out whether they want to go down the arranged versus getting to know on their own route.
As a mother of three boys, I can say that I would be perfectly fine with my sons telling me "I've the The One, now make it happen". I have to trust that, like Sehrysh said, certain requirements will be in order, an if so, then why not?
Out of curiosity, for those of you who do want your mom's involved, why is it:
- You're keeping all of your options open
- You don't feel comfortable/confident around girls so you don't know how to initiate the relationship
- You want someone who knows you better than you know yourself in charge of the rishta process
- You want someone older, wiser, and experienced with marriage in charge of the rishta process
My husband had made up his mind and informed his parents. Everything was done properly (our fathers spoke, gave their blessings etc) but it was more like a formality if that makes any sense?
