Sincere advice please

Lifestyle Relationships
21

Re: Sincere advice please

true… even that thought occurred to me at first but i gave her the benefit of the doubt… since if all this did happen to her, she might be disconcerted and frustrated while writing about it… so yeah who knows shrug

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Re: Sincere advice please

I was going to have a right go at her parents, but they seem to be regretting their decision too. And yes on second thought most of this does sound filmy and fabricated. A sane woman would've left this guy a long time ago.

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Re: Sincere advice please

This girl has been fairly consistent about her issues with her husband (if you read her earlier posts) - I think she deserves the benefit of doubt.

All that said, I know a lot of posters hate when a woman is advised to leave her husband, but in this situation I don't see things getting better. Unless the husband gets some higher education, learns to speak English or the language of the country he's living in, becomes a better communicator, stops abusing the OP, becomes responsible for the financial well-being of the couple, demonstrates some caring and concern for his wife, the relationship is not worth saving.

Good luck to you Iksa!

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Re: Sincere advice please

What a terrible situation to be in. I hope you do the right thing and ultimately get on the road to recovery. Good luck to you.

25

Re: Sincere advice please

What irks me about this is that some parents will pressure their daughters to get married to an incompatible guy. They'll use the "laug kya kahain ge" reasonsing. Sometimes the "laug" they're referring to are the "khandaan" laug....sometimes it's the community, whoever, etc. The irony is that it's this same "laug kya kahain ge" fear/reasoning that they'll have to contend with (on a much larger scale) when the daughter gets divorced as a result of their poor decisions. Don't know if it makes sense and it's hard to put...but it almost seems like appeasing a senseless and minor fear...in exchange for a potentially more serious one later one. I know marriage is a gamble, even when you marry someone of the same background as you....but you increase that risk when there's a huge disparity in background as in the OP's case. Irksome is putting it mildly....the paindu mentality is downright infuriating.

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Re: Sincere advice please

I have read some of your previous threads too and I want to believe that you are telling the truth. I don't know why keeping this marriage intact is an option you think is still available to you. Abuse in any form is unacceptable . Why do you want to live with someone who is a threat to your life ? Leave him , divorce him. You don't have a child with this man and leaving him would be alot easier. I think the pain you have suffered from this man is much more than the sufferings you will have to endure as a divorced woman.

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Re: Sincere advice please

how do you define a paindu btw?

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Seriously, Nomi?

I apologize. It’s brilliant mentality. Do I have to define brilliant now as well? :chai:

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I concur :snooty:

Backward, short sighted thinking, exactly what redvelvet described. Not ‘paindu’ per se but in essence she is referring to the stereotype that is associated with ‘paindu’.

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i appreciate your sarcasm....but i really want to know what does word 'paindu' mean to you........seriously serious.

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Re: Sincere advice please

You should get down on your knees and beg pretty pleasse. Also drink water out of his shoes after he has come back from his 8-hr shift (granted that he has a job).

But wow the guy has some issues. It seems more like a citizenship acquiring marriage to me.

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Re: Sincere advice please

I'm so sorry for what you're going through. May Allah help you!! Pretty much everything has been said above and rightly so! You need to get a divorce...being divorced and living a peaceful life is so much better than being a battered wife :(

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Re: Sincere advice please

I hope you get out of your troubles. I remember reading your previous threads on the same topic.

And really, you have your whole life ahead of you. There is no need to commit to a relationship that is so bad. And it's only been 2.5 years!

There will be many good souls who will take you just as you are. Divorce is not the end of the world although it may seem like it when one is going through it.

I hope your parents were more supportive.

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Re: Sincere advice please

I know what you can do, tell your mother to live this ****ty life for you now.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

Btw, if this is a true story, consider yourself lucky that you dont have any kids.

35

Re: Sincere advice please

please grow some self respect and LEAVE.IM SO SORRY to read this, you need to leave asap. do you understand. if you think beiong hit is ok, would you want that for ur child? please leave. no other advice. no more talks with him. hes a scum, i wish i knew him, i swear id shove some acid down his throat.....******************** makes me angry just reading this.

please. leave. asap.

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Re: Sincere advice please

This is not a marriage it's a sham.

I'm so sorry but it's better be living alone than living with an evil wife battering insensitive donkey such as your husband.

Leave him now when you have the chance, don't grant him any citizenship and if people tell you to stay with him remember they are not sincere with you and don't care for your safety, happiness and self respect.

Better leave now than 10 years later with 2.5 children and a whole load of depression and mental health issues.

37

Re: Sincere advice please

Get some self defence training and beat him up if he comes at you, so he knows you are not helpless. If I would have been your father, there was no one in the world that could stop me from beating the SOB that would lay a hand on my daughter.

38

Re: Sincere advice please

I agree with the other posters, staying in this relationship is NOT good for you in any way shape or form, you need to leave him and now before you become any more involved.

It doesn't matter how upper class his family is or what they do, he is not doing right by you, and as his wife you should not have to deal with any form of abuse.

What happens after you leave him if by the by, right now your well being is at risk, which is a million times more important than a husband. Leaving him in this situation is a GOOD thing for you, and any fault in the break up of the relationship is his fault he is the guilty party not you. You shouldn't let feelings of guilt stop you, NONE of this is your fault.

And if you carry out the seperation in a dignified way and soon, there's nothing stopping you finding another husband who will most definitely be more understanding but that shouldn't be your priority right now..

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Re: Sincere advice please

If...after reading the responses in her thread....the OP decides that she wants a divorce..............it would be REALLY interesting to learn how her parents would react to that. Would they support her decision now that the know the nightmare she's going through? Or would they advise her to pray for improvement and to stick it out because it's better than facing the stigma of divorce........and then risk seeing her in a worse state and possibly with children as well.............or would they suggest that having a baby will make her husband more zimaydaar and her life full of sukoon?

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Re: Sincere advice please

That kind of thinking makes me go :smack: Also where you see an irresponsible guy getting into all sorts of ****, you hear people saying oh iss ki shaadi kara do khudi sudhar jaye ga, in the process ruining the life of some girl.