Sincere advice please

Lifestyle Relationships
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I’m married for about 2,5 years. Since 1,5 year we are living together. Unfortunately I’m feeling so unhappy.

My life is a BIG mess!! I want sincere advice…What I should do now…What is the best for me…What is the best for everyone???

My husband and I dont have a healthy communication in our relationship…
I’m a straight forward person and honest…He even can’t be honest…I told him many times pleaseee be honest with me…But he can’t…He says kar raha hoen…Kyu nahi karna..I’m so sick of it!!! I know there will be many people who will be laughing about this…But it’s true that there is noo healthy communication in our relationship…He doesn’t want to understand this…He is always like Ghile Shikwe karthi ho…The only thing that he likes to talk about is nasty things about others…I told him many many times please don’t do it…But he says that his mind doens’t work to the good side…only the bad side…

I miss communication in our relationship…I’ve tried a lot…A husband wife relationship is based on the truth and communication…

This is arranged marriage…He studied till the 5th class in Pakistan…I’ve done my bachelors…I was 16 when I started to work…his dad was in ABu Dhabi working as a bankemployee…he filled the atm for many many years…However my husband got the guts to say that he went to the most wonderful school and had tuition…HE feels very proud of himself…

Since a few months he started to hit me…I was so sick of it that I called the police…I thought he will understand…but he didn’t…He continued…I called my parents…Coz I was really sick of it…My dad was really angry with him…and couldn’t control himself…However my mom managed to control my dad…My parents told him to behave normal…He was also planning to go to pk…first a single trainticket to paris…from paris to pk…I told him thta its strange to do that…and why single ticket??? However our communication is sooo weak…he can’t tell me anything…My mom/dad told him to go to paris…and when he’ll be back then go to pk…But they asked him don’t you think about your wife who will be here alone for 4/5 weeks…he said yeah yeah I do care…Kyu nahi fikr karta…Par I’m mentally tired…Im not working since a few months coz of my health…Anyways my hubby only paid his half…the other half I used all my savings to pay the bills…But he doens’t care about this…I don’t know what he is doing with the half of his salary…He hide eveything…But I thought he needs some freedom…so I gave it to him…Everything my parents explained him he sais yes yes haan haan…but after a minute he said no but this and that…he told lies about me…My parents left the house by saying it doesn’t matter whatever we say to you…you’ll do what u want to do…u don’t care about your wife or anything…

After my parents left the house my husband packed his things and left home…before leaving the house he strangled my throat…Half unconsious I reached the toilet…From there I screamed for police…My neighbours called the police…

He left the house from the window…I was shaking and crying…couldn’t understand what happened to me…

I’m soo sick of eveything…For just a single moment I felt happy that he left me…but when my parents came and started to tell this and that…i felt so bad…so bad…that I got desperate…I gave my parents the number of his brother in paris…to call him…the talked to him…he also was angry at his brother…

he said he’ll be back home in a few minutes…but he didn;t came…he told me that my husband was telling him that he felt like the house was a jail for him…however most of the time he was sleeping coz he worked in the night…and I was at my mom’s place…lies lies lies. However FOR my parents I went the next day to the city my husband was…to sit in a restaurant to talk about what to do now…Only for my parents…

He hasn’t changed a bit…He doens’t work anymore…before leaving he was woking through my dad…but he also lied many times there…so my dad said to him please look for another job…but my husband left home…so my dad had to arrange someone at midnight…Anyways no he can’t find a job…coz He can’t speak english…he can’t speak the language that we speak here in this country…he is uneducated…

I’M SOO TIRED OF EVERYTHING!!! What should I do now…

I’m soo unhappy…what should I do…btw I applied job last week…the next the invited me…1 day later they called me that they want me for this job…they will tell me when I can start…

Please give me some advice…I don’t know what to do…There happened so many thing since I’m married…He never ever stood behind me…However I tried to do my best to make him and everyone happy…he wasn’t my choice…but my mom wanted me to marry him…she emotionally blackmailed me…I said I want to marry someone who is educated…this is the main reason thta we cant get along with eachother…

He is not serious about life…I didn’t had money to repair my car a few weeks ago…my dad paid for me…i promised that i will pay him back..my dad didn’t want to..but I felt soo weak at that time…When I told my husband about it…he started to laugh…he didn;t cared…he had that money but he didn’t gave to me…and I didn’t asked him…btw he did hide his money in a plastic bag in the Atta box…

I want to cry…don’t know where to go…

what if he left me…who will marry me..

I don’t have childeren…I had two miscarriages…

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Re: Sincere advice please

PLease don't mind if I wrote anything wrong.....My head is soo full of everything that I can't do anything properly....

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Re: Sincere advice please

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Re: Sincere advice please

:hugz:I don’t know what to say. You seem quite a capable person yourself, but in a difficult situation. You do obviously need to get out of this situation if even after trying your husband is behaving this way. The violence is really not acceptable. My duas are with you.

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Re: Sincere advice please

Um, if I was being beaten and strangled then I don't think I'd be all that open to 'time, love, praise, and encouragement'.

Iksa, you need to get past the 'what will happen if he leaves me' line of thinking. That's no reason to stay in an abusive situation.
If however you wish to stay with him because you want to stay with him, then you need to strengthen the heck up. Get the uneducated thing out of your head, it's not the be all and end all of everything. You need to think things through for yourself first, get past the confusion, figure out what is what.

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Re: Sincere advice please

O dear!! I thought it was a mere communication problem but then read the whole post. I never thought I would advice this to someone but you need to get out of this relationship right away. Physical violence is just crossing the line wayyyy over. Then the fact that he tried to strangle you means YOUR LIFE IS IN DANGER!!! This isn't just a domestic violence case but also the man tried to kill you. I am sorry for your situation, I hope it works out for your best.

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Re: Sincere advice please

So you have a job and you're independent, you have supportive parents too. What is stopping you from leaving this guy and ****ty life behind?

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Re: Sincere advice please

Iksa, if/when you do have children in the future, do you want your son to grow up like your husband? Do you want your daughter to grow up thinking that the way your husband treats you is the way she should be treated by her husband?

You need to leave this man. BUT if you don't have to leave him and want to stay with a man who emotionally and physically abuses you then go right ahead.

But please don't have any children with this man. And if you do want to try to have a child, then divorce him and find another man. Its bad enough that you're putting yourself through this disaster of a marriage....don't bring a child into this. No child deserves to grow up in a household where the wife is being abused by the husband.

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Re: Sincere advice please

oh dear.... i was all ready to say something when i started to read it, but as i went on reading i couldn't think of what to say.

I hope and pray things work out well for you. Please do not have this thought of what will happen if he leaves me. You're young, educated and there are no kids as yet. So if YOU decide that you want to leave him then, keeping in mind of your education, youth and no kids status life is on your side favoring you. You could make a clean get away. It hasn't been that long that you were married and this relationship has not failed because of you. You have tried everything.

If you wish to wait it out and try again, i pray you find the courage and means to do so. I think of a single method to change your hubby. I'm bing a bit of a pessimist in saying that. We has humans thrive on the concept that evil can one day be good.

Personally the physical abuse is a sign to get out. But i assume you have family and society pressures to make this marriage work. Can I ask you what have your parents suggested you do ?? This is very important. Are they there to support you, should you decide to leave him. Do you have any money saved up? God has already given you a ray of hope with your new job.

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Re: Sincere advice please

One golden rule, The moment man hits his wife, that is where they should separate their paths. period!

In your case, your husband's mental situation is beyond repair, he had brought up by easy money, never ever he had to work as his father was filling the ATMs, it seems like he never completed his studies and I won't be surprised if he inferiority complex.

Anyway, whats done is done, no body can go back in past and fix it, with experience if the guy have hit my sister once, i'll break his bones, although you are also like my sister but i do no think that it is possible for me to come down there due to immigration issues.

My advise is to leave the guy for good, nothing explains and/or justify hitting.. get on with the life, life may have something very good to offer in coming future,

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Re: Sincere advice please

my advice to you is do not have any kids ( some people think that kids will bring them closer together). and i think he will not change his habbits and women should be treated like princesses. you should leave him in my humble opinion.

iA you are in my duas.

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Re: Sincere advice please

Any man who hits a women does not deserve to be with her. i would say the same to get out of the relationship.

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Re: Sincere advice please

and trust me there will be others willing to marry you. this situation is no your fault. plus im sure you would rather be single than with a nutcase.

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Re: Sincere advice please

Your husband hides the moola in the aata box? Have you contacted Star Plus yet?

So your husband doesn't understand you? Your husband doesn't love you? Your husband doesn't care about you? HONESTLY........you're not going to like hearing this........but it's your PARENTS that don't seem to respect you or care about you (more than your husband). How? Because if your parents really cared about you....they wouldn't pressured you to marry a guy that you have nothing in common with. And your parents are the **ROOT **of the problem.....and also YOU....because you didn't have to marry him. As beetchy as this sounds, I hope that your parents (especially Mummy Jee) are feeling bad about their decisions and what you're going through.

^But what's done is done. Now you can either get out of this marriage.....seeing that he beats you up and has issues with honesty, etc. Since you don't have children, the divorce would be less complicated...but knowing the stigma of divorce on women in our culture....you'll have to deal with the challenges that comes with that.

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Re: Sincere advice please

Walk away from everything. So many people above my post have told you what to do. Neither your husband nor your parents are supportive so no use mediating. Its absolutely ridiculous. Abuse is never okay. Never.

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Re: Sincere advice please

troll.

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Re: Sincere advice please

insensitive to a real womans’ issue :nahi:

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Re: Sincere advice please

To be honest, just like Nomi…even I wondered if the OP is trolling.

It sounds filmi…the whole idea he doesn’t want to work and can’t keep a job…but at the same time is going to go to Paris…and hides the cash in the aata bin??? He strangled her before leaving the house…and half unconscious she went to the toilet and screamed for the police…and then the neighbors called the cops? I would imagine that if your spouse nearly strangled you dead…that the pressure of his grip around your throat…would make it hard for you to scream…and that it would be much easier to just pick up the phone and call the cops so you don’t strain your voice and so that you also don’t let the whole muhalla know about the drama going on in your home. :hmmm:

I can understand situations where you smack a hysterical spouse…but there’s no excuse for him to beat up his wife. And I’m not defending the husband here…but there are multiple sides to a story. For example the OP’s parents are not free of blame. And also, it doens’t hurt to reflect over one’s own mistakes. Perhaps the OP is not explaining to him how she wants him to communicate honestly. He says he’s trying…she’s not satisfied…so they’re not on the same page as to what proper/honest communication looks like…she may need to be more specific. U can tell that she looks down on him because he’s not that educated…she gets turned off by him lying to others about how he went to the best schools. His lying is a reflection of his LOW self-esteem…and if she is showing (through her body language and words) that she thinks low of him…that’s gonna hurt him…create resentment, etc. ***But again…she shouldn’t have married him. And I have come to learn that real life can be filmi sometimes.

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Re: Sincere advice please

If you have no children yet, i think its better to leave him (divorce)

I will remember you in my prayers :hugz:

May Allah help you and bless you with lots of happiness, Ameen

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i thought thats clear to everyone..

but i just can’t believe that a person who has been ‘strangled’ would think about leaving or not…and all that police/neighbors/paris trip and whatnot…

its just pure Bull…

but hey…i am a womanhater afterall…u ladies go on and have your fun with a ‘real’ situation…:chai: