As I’ve mentioned in one of my threads before, that I’m getting married soon. To be precise, in less than a month Inshaa Allah. We got engaged last year and although it was arranged initially, I’ve started liking him because he has an amazing guy with a beautiful soul. He’s very caring and loves me a lot, Alhamdulilah. I’m not sure about love from my end, but I respect him.
So here’s the twist:
When I was in Canada (I reside in Dubai now), I used to be with a guy in my university. We were together for about 4 years and we intended to get married after graduation. So I finished my graduation and moved back to Dubai where my family lives. He ‘promised’ he’ll bring his parents to Dubai (he’s dad works here) by the end of that summer, so that our parents can meet and also for eid with his dad. He had already spoken to his mother who had said that I should wait until both families are in the same city. My parents already knew about it and they were waiting for them too. Anyways, they did come to Dubai after a long wait BUT her mom said no the day before our parents were supposed to meet and they left for Lahore 2 days later. I was devastated by this point but he again ‘promised’ again that he’ll convince his mom and they’ll come back to Dubai in a week or two.
However, he didn’t contact me at all and just disappeared until I emailed him a week later that what is going on. To which he replied that his mom won’t budge and he doesn’t know what to do. So basically, he turned out to be a coward. He still wanted to continue talking to me but I said there’s nothing left and its over. This is last year and we haven’t talked ever since. 4 months later I got engaged to the guy I’m marrying now. It’s been more than an year now.
The thing is, we have many common friends and I saw him commenting on one of our friends photo so randomly I went to his profile. He isn’t on my friends’ list but his profile is public and I noticed that he has been checking in places in Dubai for past 2 weeks, posting his number and what not. I have been doing completely fine until I found out that he’s in the same city and checking in at places I usually hang out. Since then I don’t know why I’ve been really bothered. I can’t explain the feeling. I don’t miss him, in fact I’ve more anger towards him than anything.
I’m not sure if it’s because I’m getting married in a month or memories flooding back (I’m pretty sure I’m over him and I can’t picture myself with him).
I’m sorry for all the blabber but I couldn’t talk about this to anyone at the moment since everyone is busy preparing for my wedding and I’m really exciting for my wedding too. Please tell me what are these annoying feelings? Any sincere piece of advice would be really appreciated.
As I've mentioned in one of my threads before, that I'm getting married soon. To be precise, in less than a month Inshaa Allah. We got engaged last year and although it was arranged initially, I've started liking him because he has an amazing guy with a beautiful soul. He's very caring and loves me a lot, Alhamdulilah. I'm not sure about love from my end, but I respect him.
So here's the twist:
When I was in Canada (I reside in Dubai now), I used to be with a guy in my university. We were together for about 4 years and we intended to get married after graduation. So I finished my graduation and moved back to Dubai where my family lives. He 'promised' he'll bring his parents to Dubai (he's dad works here) by the end of that summer, so that our parents can meet and also for eid with his dad. He had already spoken to his mother who had said that I should wait until both families are in the same city. My parents already knew about it and they were waiting for them too. Anyways, they did come to Dubai after a long wait BUT her mom said no the day before our parents were supposed to meet and they left for Lahore 2 days later. I was devastated by this point but he again 'promised' again that he'll convince his mom and they'll come back to Dubai in a week or two.
However, he didn't contact me at all and just disappeared until I emailed him a week later that what is going on. To which he replied that his mom won't budge and he doesn't know what to do. So basically, he turned out to be a coward. He still wanted to continue talking to me but I said there's nothing left and its over. This is last year and we haven't talked ever since. 4 months later I got engaged to the guy I'm marrying now. It's been more than an year now.
The thing is, we have many common friends and I saw him commenting on one of our friends photo so randomly I went to his profile. He isn't on my friends' list but his profile is public and I noticed that he has been checking in places in Dubai for past 2 weeks, posting his number and what not. I have been doing completely fine until I found out that he's in the same city and checking in at places I usually hang out. Since then I don't know why I've been really bothered. I can't explain the feeling. I don't miss him, in fact I've more anger towards him than anything.
I'm not sure if it's because I'm getting married in a month or memories flooding back (I'm pretty sure I'm over him and I can't picture myself with him).
I'm sorry for all the blabber but I couldn't talk about this to anyone at the moment since everyone is busy preparing for my wedding and I'm really exciting for my wedding too. Please tell me what are these annoying feelings? Any sincere piece of advice would be really appreciated.
Please help. Thanks!
Parakeet, its better that you dont look behind. Being with a guy who cares about you and loves you is a blessing. He's gonna be all yours in a month. Dont think even for a sec to leave him for someone who left you when you needed.
You are getting married soon so congrats on that first. Don't think about the other guy anymore. He left you once and he would do it again. Wish you all the best.
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Don't overthink it, enjoy this guy's company and enjoy the wedding.
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Parakeet, its better that you dont look behind. Being with a guy who cares about you and loves you is a blessing. He's gonna be all yours in a month. Dont think even for a sec to leave him for someone who left you when you needed
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You are getting married soon so congrats on that first. Don't think about the other guy anymore. He left you once and he would do it again. Wish you all the best.
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Thank you! No I will never leave my fiance, he's a gem. Alhamdulilah. Just the thought of that bothers me.
My feelings for him haven't changed. Looking at my soon to be husband makes me realize why all that happened, because Allah wanted me to meet him. I just felt really overwhelmed with all the feelings of confusion so I posted my question.
I know its easier said than done but try not to think about him or what/where hes checking into or where in the city he is. he turned out to be a coward like you said - and hes not even worth a second thought. be happy , plan your last little bit of details for the wedding and look forward to your married life. it might just be that you are getting married -
you should block him on facebook so that you can't see his comments or check his profile.. or else you run the risk of checking up on him constantly after you're married
As others have already mentioned…don’t overthink this. Focus on your wedding and on your future. 4 years is a long time to date someone and then have things end b/c he turned out to be a coward. Especially since it didn’t happen that long ago (a little over a year since you/ex broke up). There is nothing wrong with thinking about your PAST now and then. But don’t dwell on it. Trust me b/c I’ve been in your shoes…as you settle into your new life and as time goes by…the feelings you’re feeling will go away.
My feelings for him haven't changed. Looking at my soon to be husband makes me realize why all that happened, because Allah wanted me to meet him. I just felt really overwhelmed with all the feelings of confusion so I posted my question.
Thank you marigold and HiraIm, I think I'll follow your advice and block him on Facebook and deactivate my account as well. Just to stay away from all the FB drama for a while.
FB is a huge drama cesspit. Take a break from it and enjoy your celebrations. Live REAL life instead of life through facebook pictures and status updates.
I think it's very normal for u to have these feelings of anger and curiosity because of the way things transpired between u two. I don't think it has anything to do with u getting married in a month or somehow indicating ur lack of commitment towards ur fiancé. I think all u really needed is closure. U said that he didn't contact u after he left for Lahore and u emailed him and I'm guessing that's how u mostly communicated after that...With u asking most of the questions and him giving u lame half hearted answers. Yes the coward guy (we have quite a few of those) who can never convince his mom ( or even if they do somehow take a stand, they expect u to take an emotional beating after getting married, to make up for their nafarmani).
Anyway, u saw his name on Facebook or his check-ins and its natural for that anger to come back. I'm guessing if he had just owned up and ended it like a man ( with a sincere apology) instead of being stupid and trying to drag it along without any concrete commitment in sight, u would not have felt like u do. 4 years is a long relationship to end without closure, I've seen the same thing happen to my friend after 7 years. But u were smart enough to not let him suck u into his "laaray" (half hearted leading on) and hats off to u for moving on with ur life and finding a good guy.
You have to try your best to focus on your future and not your past. If you see him around, ignore him. You are starting your life with your fiancé/to be husband, inshaAllah, so try your best to focus on that instead of your past.
Don't go on his profile either. I know it's very tempting, but keep yourself away from that. My sister, who is in the process of getting over this guy, keeps checking his twitter & reads all this updates. Sometimes he subliminally tweets about her, and she gets upset for the rest of the day. I know it's so tempting to go and see what's going on out of curiosity, but you have to try your best to keep away from that.
InshaAllah this is easy for you. May Allah put love between you two & put barakah in your marriage.
FB is a huge drama cesspit. Take a break from it and enjoy your celebrations. Live REAL life instead of life through facebook pictures and status updates.
That's soo truee!! It totally sucks out reality from you if you visit it too iften!
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Do you feel like your ex is stalking you?
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Coffeegirl I'm not sure but I higly doubt it. He has too big of an ego to stalk anyone for that matter.
I think it's very normal for u to have these feelings of anger and curiosity because of the way things transpired between u two. I don't think it has anything to do with u getting married in a month or somehow indicating ur lack of commitment towards ur fiancé. I think all u really needed is closure. U said that he didn't contact u after he left for Lahore and u emailed him and I'm guessing that's how u mostly communicated after that...With u asking most of the questions and him giving u lame half hearted answers. Yes the coward guy (we have quite a few of those) who can never convince his mom ( or even if they do somehow take a stand, they expect u to take an emotional beating after getting married, to make up for their nafarmani).
Anyway, u saw his name on Facebook or his check-ins and its natural for that anger to come back. I'm guessing if he had just owned up and ended it like a man ( with a sincere apology) instead of being stupid and trying to drag it along without any concrete commitment in sight, u would not have felt like u do. 4 years is a long relationship to end without closure, I've seen the same thing happen to my friend after 7 years. But u were smart enough to not let him suck u into his "laaray" (half hearted leading on) and hats off to u for moving on with ur life and finding a good guy.
Omg you are so right on!! But having it out in words puts it all into perspective because I was really confused as to why was I feeling this way since I thought I was over him.
