Re: Sick of her Dual Personality!
tl;dr I do have to say that women find the must mundane stuff to fight about !
Re: Sick of her Dual Personality!
Aren't you being a tiny bit selfish in this situation? You have a laptop for your own personal use and you yourself said you don't use the PC.
If you know how SIL used it to talk to her family and her son uses it, just stop making a big fuss and give it to her to keep in her room!
You are being a child by:
a. requiring that she talk to her parents in saudi only in your room. what if she has private stuff to discuss? would you like being restricted in such a way that all your convos with your parents must take place in front of someone else?
b. making your husband reverse his decision with his brother where he allowed him to just take the PC to his room and get it fixed. Essentially this should have made you happy as PC is now the brother's headache. This is not your permanent residence, so who cares if "your stuff" (which you don't use as you have a laptop) is removed from "your room" (i'm guessing this is the guest room since you don't really live in the household).
You say she keeps requesting things from abroad for herself and kids. Well guess what, now YOU are creating a situation where next thing she will ask for is a new laptop from you guys and she will be justified in doing so because you are making it difficult for them to get PC fixed and use it.
Re: Sick of her Dual Personality!
Aren't you being a tiny bit selfish in this situation? You have a laptop for your own personal use and you yourself said you don't use the PC. If you know how SIL used it to talk to her family and her son uses it, just stop making a big fuss and give it to her to keep in her room!
You are being a child by: a. requiring that she talk to her parents in saudi only in your room. what if she has private stuff to discuss? would you like being restricted in such a way that all your convos with your parents must take place in front of someone else?
b. making your husband reverse his decision with his brother where he allowed him to just take the PC to his room and get it fixed. Essentially this should have made you happy as PC is now the brother's headache. This is not your permanent residence, so who cares if "your stuff" (which you don't use as you have a laptop) is removed from "your room" (i'm guessing this is the guest room since you don't really live in the household).
You say she keeps requesting things from abroad for herself and kids. Well guess what, now YOU are creating a situation where next thing she will ask for is a new laptop from you guys and she will be justified in doing so because you are making it difficult for them to get PC fixed and use it.
I assure you whateva you are guessing is wrong! First of all no, thats MY ROOM, not a guest room. I have lived here almost 3 years of my marriage before getting to UK & every single thing belongs to Me in this room.
Second! The PC belongs to me, and it should be my choice whether to give it away or NOT!
Third! If you were reading my other posts in the same thread, you wouldnt need to write a detail reply because I have already mentioned that the problem is not giving away my belonging but the one to one issues she creates (and has been creating since I stepped in this house).
4th! whateva I do, still she has NO RIGHT to ask for a laptop from my hubby as she has her own husband and she should ask for important things from her hubby than mine... its her husband's responsibility to provide her with the things she need, not my husband's responsibility!
5th! Moving away my things made me mad due to several reasons and one of them was, when I came back to my room, I could clearly see, how my room was misused. My Nand once called my hubby in the beginning of when I settled abroad saying, your wife has locked her closets and trolly and thats not good (and I did it because my personal stuff was in there and after all it was my room and I have full right to take care of my things), she also added, did she think we will touch her personal stuff and blah blah.. but because my hubby is a sensible man, he handled the situation very wisely and on the other hand when I came back (because my italian divider didnt have locks and I left it unlocked) my divider was used so badly. My MIL has her showcase of her dowry which is almost shaheed and a tang toota..... it was cleaned and all that old stuff like plastic plates of her era, steel tanba bartan of her time from her showcase was transferred in my divider.... is it the way should be? The walls of my room were kicked by their kids and I literally washed them.
Her primary motive is to just let me be down while making me annoyed and talking rubbish about me! Not taking the PC!!
..........and OMG, you gave me such tension, girl!!
Re: Sick of her Dual Personality!
You say she keeps requesting things from abroad for herself and kids. Well guess what, now YOU are creating a situation where next thing she will ask for is a new laptop from you guys and she will be justified in doing so because you are making it difficult for them to get PC fixed and use it.
Regardless of who is right, or wrong. This is a valid point. Your Jaithani will make your hubby buy her a laptop. Just try to keep out of those people's hair. Be sweet, polite, give her the crap desktop and be done with it. Some women have a big hold on their Brother-in-Laws and regardless of how sensible your hubby is, he's going to give them more than you'll be happy with so you decide and take control of the situation. It's either, you give them some crap now or let her cajole a new laptop out of your husband.
If you have moved to UK permanantly, then it is no longer your room. If you want to be stubborn about it, you're the one who will suffer. If I were you, I'd take all my stuff and keep it at my parents' house. I would treat the in-laws house as someone else's house. You're just asking to be messed with if you're keeping your things there knowing fulling well of their nature.
Re: Sick of her Dual Personality!
Regardless of who is right, or wrong. This is a valid point. Your Jaithani will make your hubby buy her a laptop. Just try to keep out of those people's hair. Be sweet, polite, give her the crap desktop and be done with it. Some women have a big hold on their Brother-in-Laws and regardless of how sensible your hubby is, he's going to give them more than you'll be happy with so you decide and take control of the situation. It's either, you give them some crap now or let her cajole a new laptop out of your husband.
If you have moved to UK permanantly, then it is no longer your room. If you want to be stubborn about it, you're the one who will suffer. If I were you, I'd take all my stuff and keep it at my parents' house. I would treat the in-laws house as someone else's house. You're just asking to be messed with if you're keeping your things there knowing fulling well of their nature.
I know my hubby will never do that :D he knows this girl very well than me!! so I am 1000 percent sure, this is never gonna happen!
She has no big hold now on BIL because everyone in the family knows the type of woman she is, (and even knowing about it, my inlaws would never come in between when we two are in argument because thats what they like to see).. !! and because they are illiterate too, they like to do such chatpati gossips, back stabbing etc.... they know when I am with them, I talk mostly things out of the circle, current affairs, my profession, Showbiz, hollywood bollywood.... etc and they love to stick to the typical topics.... which I hate!
No, although I have a multiple visa for long stay, I am not permanently settled in UK, I will have to keep making trips every now and then.....
My hubby will never EVER like me transferring my belongings to my mom's place.. So I wont do that!
I would definitely treat such people very sweetly, the problem is, they are the kind of people, for whom it has been said, gardan bhi kaat ke rakhdo to khush nahin hongay!!
Re: Sick of her Dual Personality!
Though you tried to defend urself alot but still after reading all your post, I think u have created the problem yourself. You seem over possessive about material things but still insistent that it is the attitude of the other lady which made u do so. Why don`t u let others use the things what otherwise will be locked for years and years (I assume in an other thread u wrote that u r very sensitive etc.). I really feel abhorred that u hav a laptop and the other one even don't have a desktop but u continue to enjoy ur status as the "one whose husband can afford". Your negativity is very much clear how u described the behavior of only a 4 year child. Just get a life.
Re: Sick of her Dual Personality!
so OP do you have kids? if you do then you can put up the same show as your Jhetani does and say to your kid in front of her ke "Tai ami will buy you this and will buy you that", " Tai ami aap tou hamarey liye chocoaltes layi hi nahi" Lols.
On a serious note, it seems that your Jhetani is a typical greedy kinda woman and you are a typical over possessive woman.
it is not correct of her if she expects you and your husband to be at a giving end and wants her to be at the receiving end always. btw you didn't mention if she or her husband give you guys any presents, gifts when you are here or when you leave back to UK, do they bring home for you things like food stuff, little sweet treats etc when you are here. well if they do, then i think at least they are also doing their bit to keep a balance.
on giving away your desktop to them that you say is yours, so if you bought it from your own money and you don't want to give it away to them its your choice but if it was bought by your husband and if he has no qualms of giving it to his brother and his own nephew the ni think it was not correct of you to tell him to reverse his decision when you are not even using it. you see you have entered into thsi family and into your husband's life later and the relationship, the feelings your husband shares with his brother and other siblings cant be kept aside. who knows how many times your Jheth has compromised on his things since childhood for his younger brother(who is now your husband). Elder siblings always make compromises, sacrifices for their younger siblings and are normally showering them gifts, presents,treats. it does change for some after they get married for what so ever reasons but the pint is that your husband might have not forgotten all those favors made by his brother back in time and just wants to do his bit of returning it when he agreed to give away a desktop(a used obsoleted one in this case).
on your room thing, it was not correct of your in-laws if they have used your things you kept inside the room without asking you. it is a moral duty to ask the person the things belongs to if you ever want to use it. But i think that you should not be so over possessive on the room thing saying it is your room. if the house is built by your FIL and he has not transferred the parts of it to any of his offspring yet, then technically the house is your FIL/MIL's and every part of it too. and they can decide which room to be used by which of their kids. you cant argue that it has become YOUR room forever if it was given to you and your husband to live in it. now since you come here for just few months they can use that room in any way they want. They do hand the keys over to you of that room when you come here, right? every house has some space limitations with years passing by and families growing so don't expect they will forever keep the room reserved for you.
Re: Sick of her Dual Personality!
Though you tried to defend urself alot but still after reading all your post, I think u have created the problem yourself. You seem over possessive about material things but still insistent that it is the attitude of the other lady which made u do so. Why don`t u let others use the things what otherwise will be locked for years and years (I assume in an other thread u wrote that u r very sensitive etc.). I really feel abhorred that u hav a laptop and the other one even don't have a desktop but u continue to enjoy ur status as the "one whose husband can afford". Your negativity is very much clear how u described the behavior of only a 4 year child. Just get a life.
Why do I feel that you haven't read my posts thoroughly?? Because you haven't really. Its not you who have been living with them from years but I.. and I cant write every single thing here and discuss so openly. I have been seeing for a long time now how she has been trying to give me tensions.
Tell me.. how would you feel if you are living with someone, someone who says she genuinely is your bestestest friend and (lets suppose your husband lives in another country) on the other hand she instead sharing how uncomfortable she is feeling about any certain thing, she calls your husband and complains about you.. Where you are unaware that which kind of KICHRI she has planning for you at your back and acting the sweetest person on earth too??
Again to mention (which I pretty annoyed now for explaining again and again), I am not a materialistic Person, I am a more GIVING person, if someone lends me a penny, I try to lend her a pound! BUT! I hate when they try to act clever and extra-efficient!
I would have no problem giving it away only she could keep her words, sharing her problem with me as she declares what kind of woman she is, than making her husband call to my husband only to disturb him and leave the impact that maybe its me who is troubling her to use the PC.
About the child.. seriously! dont say anything about him, You dont know him and I dont want to disclose too many things here!
Shararat aur badtameezi main zameen aasmaan ka farq hay!!
and remember one thing, Qabar ka haal murdaa hi jaanta hay!!
just to make you understand through one of the incident happened in very beginning of my marriage.
I used to wear my Gold Bangles which were gifted to me by my brother. One day when I was making dough I put it off and kept them a side. I went back to my room and realised when it was 5 to 6 hours late. I ran to kitchen and didnt find them there. I also could not recall where I left them.... Either did I put it off or not.. if I did, where did i? I checked the whole kitchen, my room, and every single possible place. I was really worried. (it also happened to me few days back before this incidence and that time I left my ring on the microwave which my jeth gave me after 3 days when he came to know I was searching for it and said, cheezen rakh ke mat bhoola karo, main nain chupai thi tumhe sabaq dene ke liye..ainda dheyan rakhna) so because it had happened previously, I went to my jeth and asked if this time he is again doing that and he made an issue out of it, MAIN KOI CHOR NAHIN HUN.......blah blah......... it was a sick answer for me because my question from him was so obvious..
My jethani told me, you sit in my room, you can check if you want to, you might have put it off on my dressing too... so when she was there, I saw over her dressing but I wasn't liking the idea of checking her drawers thoroughly so I just checked roughly, her bag was there too so i just checked behind that..and again roughly and said, no bhabhi its not there.
When I went to my room, my hubby called and said, what I am upto, I told him everything and he said, yeah you should search for it but make sure you dont create mess.... you dont know how things work in inlaws... I was so so worried and told him what his brother just said for which my hubby scolded me and said, tumhe uss se poochna hi nahin chahye tha........ it was so innocent of me, because firsly those are really early days of my marriage and us ghar ke har fard koi main apna saga samajhti thi to laga ke mera dukh unka dukh.....kher mujhay rona aaya and I said, ok you come home and again we will make it to find my bangles. When I disconnected the line, my MIL and this Jethani was almost around and asked the reason I was crying and because I always took her as my sister I hugged her and said, Bhabhi, I am sorry if I made any of you hurt but I am really worried that my heavy gold bangles are lost and I am disturbing you people, for which she said, nahin dear aise koi baat nahin hay, ofcourse koi chhoti moti cheez nahin hay, I asked, bhabhi aapko kuch bura to nahin laga naa..... aap ne kaha aapki dressing p check karloon to mene dekh liye and she said, chal pagli, paagal ho rahi hay kiya, tum mere room main bethti ho to ho sakta hay tumne wahan utaray hon aur main nain hi to tumhe kaha tha ke check karlo, I said, aaur aapke husband ne jo kaha, main apne ghar k kisi banday ko chor kehsakti hun kiya? main nain unse isliye pocha ke last time bhi unho ne ring chupa li thi so I thought, is time bhi unhe ghussa aaya ho..aur unho ne chupa li hon, she said, pagal ho gai larki, aisa kuch nahin hay, unki baat ka bura na maano, its alright and things then cleared.
My hubby came back and together we started searching again after a lot of efforts, I found it from a biscuit's box, seemed like bangles were slipped into it. I remember when I came to check in the evening and checked the biscuit's box, I didnt see them there but I still said nothing to them about them for what happened later was a disaster.
The same night we had to attend a wedding.... while I was finished with the meal, I didnt find my hubby around, I turned back to see where is he and in some seconds I found him very far standing with my jithani and listening to her.. I realised, she has said something to him. All the way to home my hubby was quiet. When I entered my room, he kept his wallet and stuff on the table and said, change your dress and come in N's room (N is my Jithani's initial). I followed the instructions and when I entered her room, my hubby started yelling at me, can you imagine the way he yelled?? (yeah it might be shocking to hear for most of you here because everyone knows how much we love eachother and how much I respect him but alhamdulillah now my husband has totally changed and accept what all happened initially were just his mistakes so I love him more now).
He said, how the hell you dared to check her bag and stuff... and I was like, blank.....he said, N has told me that you checked her stuff and the bag actually that you touched belonged to her sister, so you checked her sister's bag and her drawers and stuff......he kept on yelling on me and she was like, O bhai rehne den, O bhai chalen maaf karden........ and I was crying like hell........even right now I have tears in my eyes mentioning it, jis tarha usne mairay shohor ke kaan bharay, aag lagayi, apni ghatya soch un tak pohnchai.....wo sab unbearable tha, my hubby said, ab main tum se jabhi baat kerunga jab tum iss se maafi mango gi aur iski behen se bhi jakay maafi mango gi.... (jo ke mujhse 3,4 saal younger hay) so just to please my hubby I apologized her and the other morning I went to her house and apologized from her sister too...... for which that young girl said, aapi ka to dimagh kharab ho gaya hay....... pagal ho gayeen hain woh, kiya ho aapne check kerliya, mujhay to kuch bura nahin laga. but bus main wapas aa gayee. when my hubby wokeup, he asked me, maafi maang li and then I told him yeah, aur jab jaa ke unho ne mujhse baat ki. but after then I didnt speak to him happily for 3 days. I obeyed him, listened to him but didnt pay him back the love because I was totally shattered because why he didnt give me a chance to explain. My hubby was literally embarrassed the day third and apologized...... he could feel how hurt was I because he knew I cant live without speaking to him for a single minute, without hugging him single day.......NEVER! and when he saw me so cold towards him....... he came to know, ke main waqai bohat zada hurt hui thi...!
And how sharp is my jethani, when I hugged her, cryed along her and said, ke apko koi bat buri lagi ho to bataden, to wo uswaqt bhi to baat ko clear ker sakti thi, but udher she said pagla gayee larki and on the other hand she fed my hubby and said she didnt like how I checked her room and bag.
So her cheez ke peechay aik waja hoti hay dear... PC is a really tiny stuff for me to give away......insaan agar achha ho to uske liye kuch bhi kernay ka dil chahta hay... but agar meri jithani jesa ho to.... khud soch lo!
Thats why I made my husband change the decision because she actually played the same game and apni baat manwana chahi jese pehle manwa ke mujhay scold kerwaya tha....but she is certainly mistaken ke ab wo ho sakta hay.... I wanted to make her clear that now, she cant play these typical star plus walay games and that, my husband will do what "I" want him to do. Uski baat mannay main koi harj tha nahin magar jab when she will notice that she's being obeyed, she will keep playing the same games and keep calling me husband and annoy him to make him do what she wants to! which will not gonna be happen anymore!
Re: Sick of her Dual Personality!
so OP do you have kids? if you do then you can put up the same show as your Jhetani does and say to your kid in front of her ke "Tai ami will buy you this and will buy you that", " Tai ami aap tou hamarey liye chocoaltes layi hi nahi" Lols.
On a serious note, it seems that your Jhetani is a typical greedy kinda woman and you are a typical over possessive woman. it is not correct of her if she expects you and your husband to be at a giving end and wants her to be at the receiving end always. btw you didn't mention if she or her husband give you guys any presents, gifts when you are here or when you leave back to UK, do they bring home for you things like food stuff, little sweet treats etc when you are here. well if they do, then i think at least they are also doing their bit to keep a balance.
on giving away your desktop to them that you say is yours, so if you bought it from your own money and you don't want to give it away to them its your choice but if it was bought by your husband and if he has no qualms of giving it to his brother and his own nephew the ni think it was not correct of you to tell him to reverse his decision when you are not even using it. you see you have entered into thsi family and into your husband's life later and the relationship, the feelings your husband shares with his brother and other siblings cant be kept aside. who knows how many times your Jheth has compromised on his things since childhood for his younger brother(who is now your husband). Elder siblings always make compromises, sacrifices for their younger siblings and are normally showering them gifts, presents,treats. it does change for some after they get married for what so ever reasons but the pint is that your husband might have not forgotten all those favors made by his brother back in time and just wants to do his bit of returning it when he agreed to give away a desktop(a used obsoleted one in this case).
on your room thing, it was not correct of your in-laws if they have used your things you kept inside the room without asking you. it is a moral duty to ask the person the things belongs to if you ever want to use it. But i think that you should not be so over possessive on the room thing saying it is your room. if the house is built by your FIL and he has not transferred the parts of it to any of his offspring yet, then technically the house is your FIL/MIL's and every part of it too. and they can decide which room to be used by which of their kids. you cant argue that it has become YOUR room forever if it was given to you and your husband to live in it. now since you come here for just few months they can use that room in any way they want. They do hand the keys over to you of that room when you come here, right? every house has some space limitations with years passing by and families growing so don't expect they will forever keep the room reserved for you.
No gudiaali, I dont have kids yet. If even I had, I would never do that.... because if she has broughtup her kid so badtameez I cant do the same just to let my kid compete with him.
I am not a typical over possessive woman and if you read the incident above, it will clear a lot of things to you for what I did was justifiable.
No, they are not on the giving part.. a very VERY small example, last night, she cooked some aalu qeema and she knew I dont eat qeema. It was decided in the morning and she told me aaj raat aalu qeema pakay ga and I said aw.... chalo main kebab khalungi (she was also making some shami kabab for freezing purpose).. she said, kahan hain kabab and i said, aap bana to rahi hain.... she said, oh, haan, ok... and in the evening when I was in the kitchen to have evening tea, her husband appeared and said it loud, ye kabab thoray chotay chotay banana ye mere bete ke school lejanay k liye bann rahay hain!! CAN YOU IMAGINE THAT?? CAN YOU?
Esi giri hui baaten sunke maira dil dukhta hay.
LOL, the relationship my hubby and his brother shares is just a one way traffic. NO, my jeth never did ANYTHING for my hubby. My hubby tells me. Even being the elder brother, he never helped my husband anyway.... instead he always asked for the amount...money...stuff. Even when my hubby asked him to buy something for himself, my jeth would buy and say "baqi pese mere" which literally I never minded because "I" think ke bhai bhai hain, koi baat nahin......but did my JETH ever thought of it? NO.. This last time, when I asked him to buy something I gave him 1000 rupees and he said, my product costed 1050... only 50 rupees difference, and instead asking me to leave the amount, he asked me for it, which is fine, hisaab hisaab hay... but because I didnt have loose money and I asked him to wait for 2-3days, he kept on asking me EVERY SINGLE DAY, ab day bhi do pese, kabhi bachhay ko bhejte ke chachi ko kaho 50 rupay deden.... kabhi biwi ko ke Queen, wo pese maang rahay hain tumse, tum ne khullay karwaliye?? Wo din aur ajka din, I never asked him to buy anything!
He never compromised for ANY thing..
And no, the room I live in, was constructed on the time of marriage and my hubby spent his amount on that!! so its genuinely my room! and Ofcourse I WILL expect that it will be reserved for me unless I dont give it away.
Why? rehne ke liye ye ghar paraya? aur kaam kernay k liye? apna samjho? yeh kesi discrimination hay??
Re: Sick of her Dual Personality!
Would you like to shed some light on how u spend ur average day in that joint family household in Pakistan. As you mentioned somewhere that you cannot go out etc. then what tasks or activities you have at home.
Re: Sick of her Dual Personality!
nice question.
When I was here in Pak permanently, we used to work alternatively. One day she… one day me, and its what she asked me when I was newly married. It included all cooking and washing dishes stuff. For rest of the work, we have maids to do.
Now when I am back and since they know too that I have come up to get rest (recovering from my abortion), she asked me initially being super helpful and efficient that you dont need to work, I will do everything and since you are here on visit, you must rest. She assured me she was ok but still I helped her with whateva I could.
Soon after the incident (of PC), I realized I shouldn’t trust her and should start the work as it should be done so I spoke to her, bhabhi I guess I shall now takeover my responsibilities and lets do it the way we used to do like one day you and one day me… she said ok at that time because her husband was also sitting there watching tv. Later when I was alone she asked me why I took such a decision and that she was having no problem doing my work… but I said, I guess, its good to be going that way, so you will get an alternate day relief and I can rest too… because I cant be there every day in kitchen due to my condition (prolong sitting/ standing is killing me these day) but she said, to tumhe kaam kernay ko keh kaun raha hay, tum rest karo… I said, soch lein because I am telling you already that I cant be there the every other day and she said, aray nahin bhaaee, tumse pehle bhi to main kerleti thi naa… and last night you imagine what she did? she came to me and ask me k suno aaj tum roti paka do jab ke shaam me hi I told her that I was having severe backache and discussed with her some women problem which I cant discuss here and she didnt bother to ask me for the favor instead asked for help infront of my MIL, so that I say NO, and my MIL see that how I am not working and she is working too ooooo much…
Later after the dinner, I could feel my MIL’s cold behavior too and she has been pushing me to work this and that where every single second they know what I am going through and this evening I have almost fall on the floor due to slightly fainting and broke my cup of tea… and guess what, my hubby called a while ago, I didnt tell him anything, then I asked that he should speak to his mother as my MIL wasnt feeling well two to three days ago so I made him speak to her and my MIL thought maybe I complaint to him so wo kehtay hain naa chor ki daarhi main tinka, after saying hello she started saying, tumhari biwi to kuch khati nahin, nashta nahin kerti… ye nahin khati, boti nahin khati, she thought mene sham ka incident batadiya hoga hubby ko and then main nain unhe ishara kiya ke please hubby ko nahin pata and jab jakay wo chup hoeen!! 
Re: Sick of her Dual Personality!
OMG, what if she is not the problem… you are? 
emmy:
Re: Sick of her Dual Personality!
omg...grow up....!!!
Re: Sick of her Dual Personality!
Hey Queen, I can understand that after your illness you are going through a difficult time but after reading ur lengthy posts I think I shouldnt say anything more because the things u r doing or saying in the given circumstances I completely disagree with. lastly I want to say that "economics" is the main reason of tensions in the family and also between the families. If others r not behaving or doing up to ur expectations, its never bad to review your own conduct also and adjust here and there a bit. You r not there to fight a battle where egos runs high and crush each other. Better to look for a middle ground which can harvest harmony and peace and for it sometimes we have to sacrifice a lot of material things. But believe me its worth it.
Re: Sick of her Dual Personality!
^thanks both of you for understanding!!
we are financially very strong! its not about economics but AADATEN! I try my level best to adjust, there was a time when I stayed quiet never complaint or behaved the way they did, but a kisi bhi insaan ki bardasht ki koi hadd to hoti hay yaar!! KOI HADD?? Its not about ego, its about letting her not rule every single thing that she wants too… believe me, she is kind of a woman, if not stopped now, will stop never!
Thanks for the concern though and I totally understand your point of view, and I would do accordingly if I were unaware of people around me…and if it was happening in initial stages (as I did when I was new) but ab its time to react I guess and to make her mind that she needs to be more concerned about her family, kids, husband and future than actually troubling with us. I am not here to bear such a crap once again in my life! I have really gone through a real tough time!
and in such a time when I know, I would not make my husband worried and wont tell my mother, I love to speak to you people… it reliefs me!
Re: Sick of her Dual Personality!
I dont want to play saint here but when I came to Europe for higher studies after my marriage, I had also the room and stuff petis, sandooq blah blah but i havnt locked anything becuz I can understand well that "things" r for use not for decoration, possession etc. and if my inlaws r using it badly or whatever I am least concerned because I am happy they liked my stuff and want to "use" it. Two year later when we shifted back to the country we got jobs in a different city so we rented a house and filled it again with only the stuff we needed. and I remember it was not a big amount what we hav spent to buy all gadgets and furniture etc. After living there for 2 years we decided to move back to Europe for further studies and this time we had alot more home stuff to handle so i asked all my near ones what they like to have and then given them what they need or like to have. Now I am sure when we will move back, we will buy new stuff may be not very expensive like jahaiz stuff but it will serve the purpose. Isn`t it make the life simpler and easy? and this meanish stuff happen in every household but imp. is how u play ur part. Rest well Queen and cheer up.
Re: Sick of her Dual Personality!
I dont want to play saint here but when I came to Europe for higher studies after my marriage, I had also the room and stuff petis, sandooq blah blah but i havnt locked anything becuz I can understand well that "things" r for use not for decoration, possession etc. and if my inlaws r using it badly or whatever I am least concerned because I am happy they liked my stuff and want to "use" it. Two year later when we shifted back to the country we got jobs in a different city so we rented a house and filled it again with only the stuff we needed. and I remember it was not a big amount what we hav spent to buy all gadgets and furniture etc. After living there for 2 years we decided to move back to Europe for further studies and this time we had alot more home stuff to handle so i asked all my near ones what they like to have and then given them what they need or like to have. Now I am sure when we will move back, we will buy new stuff may be not very expensive like jahaiz stuff but it will serve the purpose. Isn`t it make the life simpler and easy? and this meanish stuff happen in every household but imp. is how u play ur part. Rest well Queen and cheer up.
Funy its really nice of you to think that way, and as I find you are wise enough then I expect you to understand this too that every person holds an individual nature. I cant be you, you cant be she? Things/matters that seem minor to me, may seem major to you and vice versa.
But its unfair of calling someone materialistic if he/she is so concerned about her belongings.
You said, YOU ASKED ALL your near ones what they like........... you said, YOU kept the things unlocked so that they can use, so, how would you feel if they take away your things without your permission? or baat bay baat p cheezen mangtay?? how would you feel if you left your sandooqs locked and would find them unlocked and used roughly? dear kehne ke baat aur hoti hay aur jab guzarti hay to aur.......
anyways, thanks again :)
Re: Sick of her Dual Personality!
I am not saying that you r materialistic but if u start looking material objects from a different perspective, it would be healthier.
Re: Sick of her Dual Personality!
have I forgot to mention that when my hubby offered my jeth to move it to his room, my jeth refused? He said, his room is already too much occupied and that he wishes it to remain in my room. My hubby insisted still and he said, its first of all impossible and secondly, I WILL consider.. but it will be a no.
When my hubby told me he offered him to keep the pc in his room, I immediately asked him to take his decision back and to make a call to jeth saying, she's ok if the pc stays in her room and anyone can use it, he said, He has already refused to keep it with him so you dont worry.
Doesnt it clear, the primary motive was not to take the PC away but make his brother realize that maybe I am the one who's troubling!
Re: Sick of her Dual Personality!
Look u have two options here. You already know what your SIL's nature is like.....so keeping this in mind you can continue to be the bigger person and share things with her. If you do this despite knowing about her carelessness and games, then don't complain about it because other than venting you won't resolve issues. The other option is that since you know she can screw you over, you can be more discriminating not only with which things you'll let her borrow (and for how long) but also in your degree of involvement with her. So pick option you want. As for trying to change you SIL's habits....that you can't control. Nor can you control how her husband views/behaves with her. Nor can you control her kid's badtameezi. Nor should you expect your husband to easily risk disturbing the peace in his family. You have greater control over how you want to respond to this situation. And if you don't want to find a way to make your life easier, then this is nothing more than venting/ranting.