Shy Woman, Eastren beauty or Boring in Bed.

Lifestyle Relationships
1

Few days back i was in another city for some personal matter for a day, i was with my cousin when we met this guy (i know the guy, used to play snooker with him, he always sounded decent guy later on he went somewhere aboard). Well after Hello, Hi’s, My cousin said something like this to him. “yaar think it over, dont be silly, what ever decission u will make it involves two families”.

He noded, didnt say anything & left. I asked my cousin what was that all about? & he told me the following story.

The guy got married around 2 years back ( i knew that, heard about it when he was getting married) His wife is also his cousin, but it wasnt actually a arrange marriege either, both liked each other & he told his family to ask for his rishta & similarly girl told her parents she will like to marry him & non other.

In those two years, they had few fights, few times girl went to her parents, than with both families involved she came back, this time she was again at her parents home. & the guy was saying now thats it, i cant take it more & we should get devorce now.

But why ? what was the problem ?.. the reason ? ( i asked my cousin) & he told me…

I dont know really whats going on inside, but what the guy claims is that the girl is so passive in bed, so shy, doing nothing but lay down, trying to hide her face, & everytime i feel like i m not her husband, but someone whos doing it forcefully with her. He says ke i thought it will be okay eastren girls are shy in begining but now its been two years & nothing has changed, even in kissing its like only me involved. We have talked about it, shes says she will try but she never do.

I dont know if that was a valid reason, whatever happenes i hope happens for the good of both parties involved. But what i was wondring about is i have heard similar stories few times before, Maybe i wont understand the matter till i get married myself, but … How much one can sacrifice for one another ? (both parties i mean) …how much one can compromise if he/she dont like the partner in bed?.. is really eastren girls are this shy ?.. & if they are…do u take it as eastren beauty & love it, or u think they r boring in bed ?

:bravo:

2

well my personal opinion:

now that i've lived in USA for a pretty long time, i am not reservative anymore. casual hugs and kisses are common. unlike some desi guys, i am not shy to talk to girls, hold hands, joke around, flirt, kiss, and hug etc. SO, when i marry someone and she's really shy, just like the girl you explained in your post, i think it'll be boring for me and it'll be hard for me to handle this situation. MAYBE my expectations won't be as high as they are right now if i were in pakistan, where hugging, kissing, friendship with girls is not very common.

waisay what is your opinion about your friend's situation, what about answering those question yourself first ;)

3

maybe you should hear the girls side of the story :confused:
if the marriage wasnt arranged then y is she acting like that? :confused:

4

Marriage is not about two people becoming a couple and liking or disliking what they end up with. It is about working together and helping each other grow and learn as individuals as well as a couple.

In my opinion when a partner lacks a skill or knowledge about something that I think is important to the relationship, there needs to be communication.

Intimacy is something that is a very personal matter and unless we make it known to each other what we like and what we dislike, we can never hope to be satisfied.

Since it sounds like the girl is very shy, I assume that the husband has not made any efforts to discuss the subject and explain his feelings to her. Perhaps he should try this before jacking in the whole marriage.

Forgot to answer your question.....if I were a guy, I would find her boring in bed.

5

wel may be, the guy doesnt do it well.
thats why she never felt good for it and never enjoyed it, so thats what cozing her to be passive all the time.

ask him to be gentle, caressing, bringing the topic by words and emotions and doing it as slowly and passionately as possible .

6

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Muzna: *
.....I assume that the husband has not made any efforts to discuss the subject and explain his feelings to her. .......
[/QUOTE]

[QUOTE]
We have talked about it, shes says she will try but she never do.
[/QUOTE]

7

Girl might have been sexually abused by a close relative and therefore is ashamed and hateful toward the act.

8

Guys please…

Stop assuming what have had happened in thier live’s when they were kids & commenting on them. Stop asking me about them either, bcos i barely know them. I dont even know how much the truth is in this story.

What all i asked was ur opinion on the subject that this story brought up.

:bravo:

9

so what if we say pakistani girls are boring in bed...r u gonna go after a gori? this could just be an isolated issue...i think most pakistani girls wait till their marriage...so they are like bhooki sherni..if you know what i mean

10

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Sheraz CT: *
i think most pakistani girls wait till their marriage...so they are like bhooki sherni..if you know what i mean
[/QUOTE]

what if the guy is cold in bed.. most guyz wait till their marriage too.. u think thats the reason for their shortcoming ( no pun intended.. ;) )

11

posted by Shikra

Hai Nabee (P.B.U.H) tairee ummat :frowning: :crying:
Having the guts to talk to the girls, fool around with them has nothin to do with ‘being cool’ neither does it have anythin to do with being Desi or not-Desi. Jigar, its our religion (Islam) that demands us to be simple and not to get in un-necessary conversations with females. Being shy is one thing and refraining is another. Like this guy in my college for e.g. He does not talk to girls until necessary. What the girls end up saying in a “cute” voice is that "He’s tooo religious and SHY ". Man … if you ask me, that guy would have been on THE TOP when it comes to flirtin or being naughty in the Uni. But that’s not the case: He is not shy. Just trying to follow what he was told, following the commandments of Allah (S.W.T). Ever tried doin somethin for Allah(S.W.T), with the purest of intentions. Ever tried leaving somethin just because HE has said so.
Believe me there is this feeling of worthiness in you … this feeling of ‘being special’ cause you did it only because HE said so. I don’t know but … you start feeling close to HIM … start feeling special.
No offense met by this post, but I could not resist replying to your post once I read it. The way you proudly stated all that … didn’t sound so good to me. I’m sorry if I did hurt your feelings in any way … :halo: :stuck_out_tongue:
cherio …

12

lol…i am glad you replied. no it didn’t hurt my feelings nor you offended me. but i was not being proud of these things. what i was saying was that i am not shy. it’s very hard to resist these things here, but it’s not impossible. but when you work in an office environment, you have to talk to girls…when you meet your clients or vendors, you have to do the casual hug or the casual kiss…i know it’s a very wrong thing to do, but i would be kicked out of job. there is no job where you can NOT talk to girls. girls are everywhere and you have to communicate with them, sometimes for homework etc, and sometimes for office work. like i said, i never did this in pakistan nor i imagined myself doing this one day…but you have to change a little according to your culture. now some people would say that the religion comes BEFORE the culture, and they are right. i can go on and on…but i would stop here by saying no i was NOT being proud and your reply didn’t offend me :slight_smile: i am thankful for your reply :slight_smile:

13

Thumbs UP man ...... I like your reply. I thought u'd probaby fire at all cylinders (like most guppies here do) but u didn't ...... I liked that alot. Like your attitude ...calmness. Good, keep it up!
*extends a hand of friendship !

and by the way ... I said un-necesssary conversations. At Office .... you have a reason to communicate. Khair .......

14

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by nos: *
Thumbs UP man ...... I like your reply. I thought u'd probaby fire at all cylinders (like most guppies here do) but u didn't ...... I liked that alot. Like your attitude ...calmness. Good, keep it up!
*extends a hand of friendship !

and by the way ... I said un-necesssary conversations. At Office .... you have a reason to communicate. Khair .......
[/QUOTE]

thanx........there was nothing in your post that i should get mad at.......if i do wrong things, i must be bold enough to admit it and to listen to other people when they tell me i am wrong and they show me the right path. i extend a hand of friendship towards you as well :) and i'll stop here because my reply is not related to the topic so mr. coconut will get mad :p

15

:hula: May be the guy is much too much westernized. :hula:

16

You or anyone else is the last eprson he should have discissed this with...

17

I am not sure if it's entirely the girl's fault. And marriage is not all about sex. When they got involved with each other, there must have been some sort of attraction, the looks, personality or whatever. To me it seems that they haven't been able to communicate properly, and nothing more.

Tell him to add a lil' spice to his love life. Maybe, try taking her out on regular basis, and do all the fun stuff, that the couples should do instead of worrying about sex all the time. He needs to appreciate her for all she is, and more importantly as a spouse, and not some object you can make love to. I think your bud needs to change a lot more than the girl.

18

i totally agree with out law

your cuz is just thinking about sex sex and more sex...there is life beyond that too.
anywayz if he thinks that sex is the sphere of his marital life then hhe should try to ease out the girl....give her an iniatiative....take her out on romantic or unusuall dates and places....talk to her about what he wud wish to have and how much he loves her and blah blah
basically it will help her to get more into the feeling and passion!

19

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Muzna: *

Since it sounds like the girl is very shy, I assume that the husband has not made any efforts to discuss the subject and explain his feelings to her. Perhaps he should try this before jacking in the whole marriage.

[/QUOTE]

My Answer is same as Lady said abiove.

More to add another aspect.Being an Eastern guy how would you neglect that shyness.Its as much important as being co-operative.
(the topic is not too easy for me to discuiss)

I know one guy who divorced her wife after first night.He said she was not having bad chracter bt how she was knowing some certain things.Sick minded (only i think).

So when you are gonna marry make it clear that you need a shy girl if your eastern you wont feel much comfortable with a girl who lack this quality of east.As a matter of being co-operative then i guess weeks are enough to be friend and then be a good husband and wife. At least for me its over the limits when some discussion or even family matter are discussed with refrence of sex only.That idiot has ever think that if he didnt had ability of sex in that case those girl would never agitate.

So first thing in my view its guys fault he didnt try to build a relationship with his wife.exceptions are there.
secondly we must know that if we are build in eastern socitey then in base we have a girl not a call girl.May be a shy girl after some practise would be able to show love for her husband in a way he wants but i guess it would be pretty hard for a call girl to show that love wrapped in that eastern shynees.to being cooperative matters but there is no comparison among these things.

20

I agree