Showing Appreciation

najeeb786 · January 17, 2013, 5:28pm

Re: Showing Appreciation

The problem with your wife is she wants you to love her the way she EXPECTS to be loved and appreciated. Based on her unwillingness to tell you how that should be, she resents that you don’t just “know” what she wants. It’s not enough for her that you love and appreciate her the way you think is the right way.

I’m probably the most vocally critical of your wife because based on your description, you are trying to understand a woman who won’t communicate with you and won’t help you understand - that makes her come across as immature.

Let’s assume you do EVERYTHING the way she wants - stop socializing with your family, move homes, appreciate her the way she wants and spend time with her the way she wants, give her a car or access to a car, what is she going to give you in return? What of your wants and wishes is she willing to accommodate? Will she stop visiting her family for weeks on end (btw, I’m curious to know how many days/weeks she’s spent back at her parents home since you’ve been married) - like has she spent roughly 1/10th or 1/3rd of your married life back at her maika?

This thread was about appreciation but I will respond to this before I ask for it to be closed.

Roughly a week ( 7 days) a month she has spent at her parents. Sometimes it is four days here and three then two and sometimes five days then one etc.

She will not stop visiting her family as she does, she has stated very vocally that just as I have responsibilities with my mum she does too and the fact that her siblings don’t do anything in the house she needs to go there and help her mum so that she does not get over worked. Siblings are in their late 20’s.

Recently she also mentioned she would be wanting to stay there a lot more because her sister, hubby and child also live there, she is pregnant with her second child and had complications with the first child so she will want to go and help. I stated that I agree with helping your family BUT your sister is off work, her husband does not work and your mum is a housewife and so how much help is actually going to be needed if there is one pregnant woman but two adults who can look after a child but she mentioned that the husband and sister don’t really do much anyway so she will be wanting to go to help her mum because she will end up doing everything.

I really do want to say one thing. I love my wife and I would love to spend the rest of my life with her but when she says things like about going home and ‘nobody will dictate to me when and how long I can visit my family for’ I start believing this is normal behaviour for women.

I have stated to her that she should go and visit during the day and come back during the day but the answer was why should she, that I am an adult and I can cook for myself so it shouldn’t make a difference if she is not here for a couple of days. Why should she move homes to stay with me and stop visiting her parents. I only stated that she can go as many times as she wants to visit but staying over should be limited but she wouldn’t entertain that idea, even though they live around 20 miles away.