dont misunderstand what I said, the people I mentioned in my previous post are are doing a lot for the family but in a different way. Their children are going to best schools in the city, wives wear the best clothes and drive the best cars..not to forget the amount of money they spend on vacations...:) It's not like they're living miserable lives. Their lifestyle is just different...You may not like it but don't judge those who are living it comfortably.
Oh and these people are often very charitable and do a lot for the poor. An average person cannot so much. They deserve a lot of respect IMO.
Since when did going to the best schools, best clothes, cars, etc = gud parenting? THey certainly are good providers, I would definitely try to do that for my kids, but i wudnt mark material things as the sole measure of gud parenting.
So in your opinion, all these things don’t matter for good parenting? When you’ll be a big girl you’ll understand how finances play a big part in a family life and how ‘it matters’ to be able to provide the best schooling and material goods to your children…just wait and watch!
^ Hello, did I say they mean nothing !! I admitted they were good providers (financially/materially) and thats alwyas gud.. I even said that I would want the smae for my kids.. however i just dont think its the only thing that matters when it comes to parenting ..besides..lookit kids who were given everything .. i.e., Paris Hilton :D
Question should be: Y women shouldn't be a Doctor? Just b/c some desis's mentality is that they need a wife who can give undivided attention to her husband and kids?
Some people will argue from the Islamic point of view about the role of women in Islam and how her priority is to take care of her household while her husband supply the economical needs. While those of you who think like that I hate to tell that time has changed A LOT! Women these days work shoulder to shoulder with men and yes like everything else there are pros and cons of it.
From my experience I have seen that most of the guys are interested in having house wives or some other career woman but NOT doctor b/c they r afraid of the hours and time that they have to put in. Guys don't think that the house wife they r after, who knows might not turn out to be the bestest wife or mom compare to the woman who is bcoming a doctor.
Honestly, I am not thinking of marriage until I have my degree in my hand and ready to jump in residency. Relationships/engagement/marriage is a big hassle and distraction during that time. Be ready to commit yourself solely to the medicine and leave rest on Allah (s.w.t). Its hard I tell you but it is doable!
women should absolutely be doctors. the more muslim professionals there are, the better.
if God has blessed you with the capability to succeed, be it in medicine or any other field, it is a sin, IMO, to reject that gift that God has given you........especially in times like these, when the world needs young, talented, principled muslims.
on the issue of family, yes it is difficult, but it can be done. sacrifices need to be made......maybe the physician (male or female) will have to choose to specialize in fields where there is more control over the schedule......maybe the physician (male or female) will make the conscious decision to marry someone who can stay home.......maybe the physician can have their retired parents live with them and take care of some of the burden......there are a number of ways to solve the issue, but it can be done. this issue should never be used to discourage anyone (male or female) from pursuing their talents to their fullest potential.
Interesting topic. My parents are both doctors...my dad's a general physician and my mom's a gynocologist. I'm 24, I have 2 sisters who're 16, and 15. Both my parents work full time....always have. In fact, they met while they were in med. school.
I personally wouldn't have it any other way. I love both my parents to death and respect them. They spent/spend time with me and my sisters whenever they can. Trust me, growing up, we did plenty of "family stuff".
I have two uncles(dad's brothers) who are also doctors. Both of their wives are practicing doctors too. One uncle has two daughters(25, 18), and the other uncle has a daughter(24), and a son(19). I've never heard my cousins complaining about both of their parents having a career.
There are plenty of mothers who stay home full time with their children, and yet their children grow up to be awful. The mom staying at home doesn't guarantee anything.
And someone else mentioned how a female doctor can only be happily married to a male doctor. My mom and I both agree with that statement. Only a doctor can understand the duties and responsibilities of another doctor. Only a doctor can understand why another person spent years, and countless hours studying to become a doctor. My mom always told me that IF I were to become a doctor, then I should marry one.
Anyway, at the end of the day, it's not the QUANTITY, but the QUALITY of the time that you spend with your children that truly matters.
That is one wise choice. No need to end up with some jerk who can’t appreciate who you are. You put so much time into studying and preparing yourself for med school, then your entire life IS medical school once you’re in it, and it becomes a living breathing part of you. If you take medicine away from a trained doctor, its like killing a person really.
Once you have the degree in your hand and you’re practicing, you’ll see that all these flies who have nothing better to do but tear you away from your practice and your life are not worth marrying anyway.
May other girls look to this post by EMM as an example.
something to think about people, us paki's are a close community, we take care of our families and that includes our parents when they grow old and need 'OUR' care, the way i look at it, if a child has been brought up by a nanny and if he/she grows up thinking that both he/she and their partner should both be in full time employment, leaving their old parents alone throughout the day, maybe they might provide their parents with full time nanny's, like say in an old people's home.
I mean we gotta follow our dreams right, in that case, our parents followed theyr'e dreams and left me with a nanny, what did they expect...for us to look after them when they need us......nah, i can afford a nanny, even two............
i gotta chase my dream right?
For those who have grown up this way and say 'they wouldn't have it any other way', how can u say that when u haven't experienced any other way, i can definately say i wouldn't have wanted to spend less time with my mother growing up. talking about quality and not quantity, when i look at my mother, i dont think to myself, ' i remember the time we all went out together to the park together and had a picnic'....and all that crap, i see all the sacrifices she made to bring up my family, and i couldn't have more respect for any other, and there's no sacrifice i wouldn't make for her, i'm just wondering if someone who grew up with a nanny or grandparent could say the same, even then it wouldn't be to the same extent, as a child learns from it's parents and in most cases, does as they do..........'the dream' in most cases isn't what the person chasing it though it was, money ain't everything, family comes first.
I don't understand why everyone assumes that if the mom is a docor, then there will definitely be a nanny in the picture?
And I don't understand why there is such a negative image of the "nanny"? I mean, didn't the Rasul himself get nursed by and raised by a woman who was NOT his mother? And these nursing ladies basically made it a business to nurse/raise kids for the first 1-3 years (or is it up to 5? I don't remember).
Look to actual valid examples around you.
And stop thinking in terms of black and white and extremes. If mom is a doc, it doesn't mean she wont see her kid until he turns 12, and the damage on his personality is irreversable.
nanny can mean anyone including family members, how can u expect the relationship to be the same as with a full time mother, i'm surrounded with examples although not pakistani kids, she won't see much of her kid, goes to work early, kids in bed/just woke up......comes home late, kids in bed.....ure talking about a doctor not a part time job
Going through residency is the most difficult time for any doctor. But once that training is over, and once a private practice is established a female doctor can lighten her schedule if she has partners. If she’s a GP she can actually have somewhat of a homelife. She doesn’t have to be a surgeon. She can find a way to work her schedule around some of her family’s needs. But a nanny or trusted sitter is required. I don’t think being a doctor is solely about the money. It’s definitely one of the perks. But I have a Phupo who was very ill and near death as a child. Nobody thought she would survive. But a doctor didn’t give up on her and she made a full recovery. She was so affected by that experience that she became a doctor herself. Her father, my Dadajaan encourage her education. Her brother, my father, paid for her education. It was like her life mission, her Kismet. She’s a wonderful person. She did alot of good things for alot of people.
a kid needs time and docs are working very very long hours…
who will care about the child while the doc mom is working? either a nanny or dad!..hmmm you gotta find the rare desi man wishing to care about children, cook, clean the house and go to supermarket while his wife is working:clown:
and nanny? hmm some are good (like my aunt, who have her grandson among other kids:blush:)…some are really really bad…like the nanni of my pilot cousin, hen he was little, she used to drug him…in order to make him sleep…and leave the baby alone at home so that she could go out:bummer:…finally my aunt discovered that and changed nanni:teary1:
so it’s a choice..you want the best for your kids and give it yourself…that is not compatible with being a doctor…
or you want your career and you want to do as much good to others as you can, while being a doctor..and that includes not being as much available for your family as you are for your patient…it’s a life choice, and as any life choice, your husband has to be aware of it, AND agree with it!
most of the womens that become doctor in pakistan, after marriage leave medicine and just look after their family esp in there early marriage days but once there kids grow up they they can get time to pursue their careers.
Really people, its residency thats the toughest in terms of schedules etc but after that you can chose not to go into an intense field and do something thats more suitable to your lifestyle. For example Emergency Medicine, you work three 12 hour shifts ( = 3 days) and get the rest of 4 days off, with a good pay and you aren’t oncall either when you have ur days off. Or go into internal medicine and join an exisiting group practice, better yet you can open your own practice and set the hours. True it requires hardwork but you get what you want, i.e. time with your family, good pay, and job satisfaction. Dermatology is another speciality but it’s extremely difficult to get into. But anyway, when there’s a will there’s a way. It’s a demanding career no doubt but balance is the key.
Munni,
I’ve personally spoken to a few muslim guys who are med students. Most if not all were of the opinion that they would not want a spouse who was a doctor do to all the reasons listed in this thread. One even went on to say that he didn’t want his kids to turn out as “******s” - i.e. undisciplined, out of control, out of touch with Islam brats. Needless to say, their responses were very disappointing but on the bright side, just as many muslim females were enthusiastic about their careers and I’m sure will find spouses who will respect their decision to practice medicine.
I’ve recently spoken to 2 muslim women in their 30s, who did med school back in Pakistan but decided to raise a family, and now that their kids are somewhat older they are studying to take their boards. It takes a lot to do that, especially when you graduated medschool some 15 years ago. More power to them I say :k:
When you’ll be a big girl you’ll understand how finances play a big part in a family life and how ‘it matters’ to be able to provide the best schooling and material goods to your children…just wait and watch!
you live in fairy land miss PCG:D