I’ve heard a lot of guys say that they wouldnt want to be married to a doctor. I suppose its mostly because of the schedule conflict, not really sure. Most of the female doctors I know have nannies or just generally dont spend much time with their children.
As a guy, will you consider a rishta who is in medical school or is a doctor? Do you look less favorably upon girls that are in that field? Do you mind the fact that she will have to look at male patients?
For the girls, do you think women doctors dont spend enough time with family? That they are less virtuous than women in other fields? I remember talking to a girl I met once and she had thought about medical school but decided against it. Her personal opinion of female doctors was that they become more like men, and arent that feminine, nor do they make much time for family.
Guppie gals, do you look less/more favorably upon doctor rishtas?
What is your honest opinion of female doctors and those studying medicine?
Female doctors.. great.. I think they have a tough time balancing things.. i donno any personally .. those who r studying, i wish em good luck n i hope that they actually ARE planning to practice it (whether htey do or don’t aferwards is a diff story). I wouldn’t want to marry a doctor (male), simply coz I want to be with him..im not a “leave me alone and ill be great” type person :halo: My mother and I both agree, the only women who can be happy with docs r those who r docs themselves, enjoy being alone, and/or only care about “status”
I think you are more intersted in opinions of guys.:)
But still....here are my 2 cents.
It really depends on the person in question. And allocating some time for family can be hard for any professional not only doctors/male/female.
My own sister is doctor....sometimes she is on call for 30 hrs straight....but other times she tries her best to spend time with family. At present there are no kids in picture but I hope she will find a good balance afterwards too....inshaAllah.
There are a few other professionals in the family too (i mean women) and mashaAllah they are doing well....if anything they don't find much time for themselves.....otherwise its alright.
It really is a hard thing to find a balance....thats why i am not working.But hats off to those who can manage it.
I thought many prefer marrying doctors, so then they can show off that their wife/bahu is parhi likhi. Some husbands and their families may be nice and leave it upon the girl to decide whether to work or not. However, if it's a greedy bunch, they'd force her to work, whereas if it's the other type then they'd lock her at home and have her degree/education go to waste.
Seriously.. why should that make any difference? If a guy ahs a problem with his doctor wife looking at male patients naked, then a wife has every right to tell her doctor husband to NOT take any female patients.. what a stupid twisted reason
I have worked with 2 different doctor couples...they both had very hectic schedules and were never able to give enough time to their children. Same with the CPA I'm working with currently, he doesn't have time to talk to his wife for 2 mins when he's at work and probably gets home late and is always very stressed out about how to handle all the companies he owns...
I have great respect for these people because they have dedicated their entire life to work for the community. Their hardwork and dedication is quite fascinating. However, about marrying a doctor, CPA or a similar type of professional who has barely ANY time for the family, no way! because I'm totally about spending good amount of time with children and giving them the best I can and I want my husband to do more or less same. 9-5 job at a nice company can easily yeild enough money to raise a good family....No need to spend sleepless nights for that extra money, unless ofcourse you have a heart big enough to sacrifice your family for the community and money. I know I don't!
It all depends on indiviuals, but most of women doctors, donot work after there marriage bcz its very hard to balance both family and tough n hectic medical routine.
All those who excel in medical fields have to make a compromise on there family life.
dont misunderstand what I said, the people I mentioned in my previous post are are doing a lot for the family but in a different way. Their children are going to best schools in the city, wives wear the best clothes and drive the best cars..not to forget the amount of money they spend on vacations… It’s not like they’re living miserable lives. Their lifestyle is just different…You may not like it but don’t judge those who are living it comfortably.
Oh and these people are often very charitable and do a lot for the poor. An average person cannot so much. They deserve a lot of respect IMO.
If she was a GP with her own practice and not working very long hours in a hospital, it would be ok, as long as their are no children, or if children are at school age. Anyway, using a nanny on an everyday basis is no way too bring up a kid, the kid will know he/she aint it's mom and won't treat them like a parent, won't build the same bond as a child with a full time mother, kid will resent parents when older for missed time when young and may pick up bad habits and blame parents for his upbringing, and i wouldn't trust my kid with anyone except people close to me.
A child needs thats bond with his mother, it's like a kid loves both his parents but in almost all cases the kid is closer to it's mother. If the kid is brought up by a nanny, that closeness is no way near as close, and a kid needs a full time parent and who better than it's own mother who'd do anything for their child.
Also, if both wife and husband have stressfull jobs and both come home with stressed out looks on their faces, it ain't good for ure relationship, u wanna come home to ure wife and kids(if any) and rely on them to make u feel good after a hard days work, and not snap at each other because u both stressed out, it wouldn't last.
the only way i could live with a woman who was in a high stress job was if we were making seriously large amounts of money, so u could do anything/ go anywhere u wanted to spend time together, and doctors dont make that kind of cash, even then, things would have to change after having kids, becus my kids ain't being bought up by no nanny.
Well, this thread just shows me that I am prolly (Inshallah) gonna end up with a really good husband. As I am gonna be a doc and he wwould have decided to marry me, he must be very compromising and sabar wala
The thing is, that if a doc does have an extremely hectic schedule then they shud keep that in mind before getting married. And most docs who do have a hectic schedule are the ones who have recently gotten out of med school. Once you spend enuff time in your field, then you realise how to balance your schedules. Also, there’s no need to have children when u know you cant spend time with them. Not everybody needs to reproduce.
And with any job out there, you have to spend most of your day or most of your night outside of the house anyways. So I dont see the big deal. You need money to buy food and pay the mortgage. And you get money by working.
Docs just need to make sure that their spouses are not very clingy and emotionally stable :halo: i think materailistic would work too
You can’t ask a doctor to not take any male or female patients. The whole point of being a doctor is not to be biased, and treat everyone equally. If you dont want to look at male patients then go into gyno or pedes, but you cant pick and choose who you want as a patient.
And i find this thread very disappointing and insulting so im not saying anything else Girls/wives have as much right to pursue their dream as anyone else, it doesn’t mean their kids or family have to be sacrificed
Honestly, it comes down to how much QUALITY time you spend with your family. I have worked with numerous kids recently, and I've found that some of the most messed up kids have moms that stay at home. Problem is that the moms are bored out of their minds and spend the day shopping or dragging their kid out right after school, so that they can get a breath of fresh air, etc etc. Likewise, some of the kids I dealt with have moms that work, and neither parent is ever home.
I think it boils down to more than how much time you spend with your kids. How do you punish/reward the child? Do you spend most of your time reasonging with the kid or screaming at them? Do you have an influential personality, or are you the mom that the child wished they never had? Do you facilitate them spending time with GOOD kids from GOOD families? Do you travel with them? Do you spend time reading with/to them? Do you emphasize the value of education? Do you try to nurture their academic/artistic interests? Are you encouraging? Etc etc. I mean, the list is honestly endless, and I'm certainly no mom yet. This is just information I've gathered from observing kids myself.
Now onto a female doctor.
The issues a female doctor faces in terms of time management is the same a male doctor faces. If you think fathers don't wish they could spend more time with their kids, then you're wrong.
Depends on the doctor and their area of work. Some areas of medicine are easier to make a timetable with, and some are harder. With some, you are on call. With some you are not. And even if you are on call, you might be on call for your whole life or you might be on call for as long as you choose to be on call.
In medicine at least, there are lots of options for ladies who want some time off for child rearing. You can time-share in a practice. You can work as a medical professor and just do some lectures and some rounds. You can work part-time. You can just not work at all, and just keep your license updated with the minimal amount of work that it requires to do so.
Depends on how willing you are to be a good mom. Some people don't care to be good moms no matter what their work is. Some people don't know HOW to be good moms if their life depended on it.
I mean, honestly, I have met kids who are horrible and devious, and their moms sat at home. And I've met kids who are highly successful in school and happy and their moms WORK LONG HOURS. And of course, I've met kids where the vice versa was true.
So I think this worry that female doctors make bad moms is something that really ought to have been dismissed by now in our community. Otherwise, there would be no success stories, and obviously there are. It just depends on whether you actually want to look for them. If you are going to have a blindfold over your eyes, then nothing can help you.
I do not beleive in anything called "quality time".
I had put theis question to a pediatricians discussion board, not about this issue and majority are of the opinion that one parent shud stay withe the children all the time.
Females shud become doctors, being unable to earn a healthy living is bad, in case the husband/marriage turns out to be bad. Not able to earn a living is one of the reasons, why some women continue to tolerate an abusive relationship.
I think its best for a couple to decide, which among them is best suited as a bread winner. This may be a female. I know a few families in which the wife runs a busy practice while husband is not working or doing a very light job like couple of hours a day and giving full time to children.
And it really depends upon what people describe as "successes". Many people have emotional issues with their parents, may these may not been known to others, who consider them 'success stories'
whats ure definision of success story, u may not know the whole story behind a so called 'success story' u don't know whats going on in a childs head, just because a child does well in school and doesn't misbahve a lot, doesn't mean he'she is just like any other kid, i'm talking about the bond between a child and it's parents, in a typical situation a child would see one parent less than the other, the child would grow up knowing the family system, were both parents work together to ensure the family is provided and cared for, either parent can take either role, but in the interests of the child 1 parent needs to provide the care a child needs.
If a child is brought up this way, they in turn are more likely to act in such a manner so as to aim for the greater good.
If u had grown up with a nanny, would u have the same bond or feel the same way towards ure parents.
No matter what people say, kids always try and push the boundries, and if a parent isn't around, it's easier for the kid. Sure there's bad kids who grew up with their moms at home, they had bad parents, u can't use that as a basis for an argument.
Its got nothing to do with fairness or right and wrong, it's reality, the world ain't fair. what i'm saying is ONE parent needs to stay at home to care for the family, be it the husband or the wife.
Just because there's so called success stories out there doesn't mean my argument is flawed, for every one of them there may be ten 'unsuccessful' stories.
ure argument is like saying honda's are unreliable because ure honda broke down, yet for every 1 that breaks down 150 keep running without failure.
If we were talking about scientific theory here, u'd be right but this ain't science.
It’s not like they’re living miserable lives. Their lifestyle is just different…You may not like it but don’t judge those who are living it comfortably.
Girls/wives have as much right to pursue their dream as anyone else, it doesn’t mean their kids or family have to be sacrificed
.