Should we change ourselves to find a husband?

Lifestyle Relationships
41

Re: Should we change ourselves to find a husband?

Nope, head covering is actually not a farz. It's an interpretation over a verse in the Quran, and there are other interpretations too. The khimar that is discussed in the Quran does not clearly say the head needs to be covered, but rather to cover your ornaments. So those of us who follow the Quran's teachings, say that our ornaments are covered, and by societal standards we are wearing conservative clothes. No need to go much further than that.

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Re: Should we change ourselves to find a husband?


these men and their families should burn as a SATI...

43

Re: Should we change ourselves to find a husband?

For example, I know the above comments would be disagreed upon by a lot of muslims. So when I meet guys, I always ask about their ideas on hijab whether they think it's farz, or sunnah ie recommended but not mandatory, and how they eval the term "khimar" in the Quran, and what kinds of other interpretations they have on controversial topics like "Is Music Haraam?" "Is TV haraam?", "Should women be allowed to work?", "Will you have the same rules for your sons vs. daughters?"

Usually guys are just confused like total duffers at these questions, but they are important. It determines how your life will play out. If a guy is pretty certain, he will have different rules for daughters, that he wont educate them as much, that he wont make them financially independent as their dad, that he'll just marry them off the first chance he gets, and that he wont want music played in the house --> that is a lifestyle I'm not interested in.

I'd honestly rather be alone, and adopt a child and raise the kid on my own than entitle my daughters to the repeated cycle of stupid abuse that other women go thru, getting raised to somehow think they're being protected, when in reality, society is systematically disempowering them.

I dont want my daughter to be out there, brainwashed into thinking at age 30, that she should be dependent on the state asking for bheeg, because her father didn't want to educate her and promote her to get a job to survive.

I have a girl cousin going through that and her dad is now realizing that since she is hitting 20 and no rishtas, that he better get her to major in something serious in college otherwise she wont be able to support herself, or she'll be stuck married to some oompa loompa - the kind of idiots he employs for a living.

44

Hmmm, thousands of scholars over last fifteen hundred years vs PCG. :hmmm:

I am going to go with column A I think.

45

Re: Should we change ourselves to find a husband?

Who am I supposed to believe? You or some religious scholar who spent years studying this.

If you keep going like this I just might start believing again :halo:

46

Re: Should we change ourselves to find a husband?

Isn't covering the face part the extra bit? My mother told me that covering of hair is important/necessary. Don't remember clearly though. If skirts and leggings are your thing then go ahead just don't say how big of a Muslim you are.

47

Re: Should we change ourselves to find a husband?

TLK..i really wanted to apologize to you buddy. In my comments earlier..i called you as "Tu.."..i really shouldn't have done that. Ya're quiet older than me..so i wanted to apologize sincerely bro.
As for your comments..i still think...she shouldn't force herself upon something..she is not comfortable with. As captain obvious..there are plenty of hijabans he could find.

48

Re: Should we change ourselves to find a husband?

It depends on the change! If you know you could be better...why would you not try to be? :)

49

Re: Should we change ourselves to find a husband?

Even if two brother or sisters live in the same house and are very close and loving to each other, they still have to make 'compromises' to accommodate each others' lifestyle.

No two persons are exactly the same and when you decide to live with someone, you HAVE to change. There is no question about it. If you do not change, then you are expecting your partner to make all the changes in his/her life to accommodate your dheetness, the result of which I dare not predict.

50

Re: Should we change ourselves to find a husband?

Perhaps I missed something but what did OP say that led you guys to believe that she’s not willing to make ANY changes? :konfused: Just b/c she’s not willing to make this one particular change, that makes her rigid?

51

Re: Should we change ourselves to find a husband?

These are general questions and not related to ‘one’ change. Also the topic of the thread asks a general question. There are ‘some’ changes that HAVE to be made by both spouses and you simply cannot continue living the way you used to before getting married.

If you cannot accept the changes expected of you after you get married, you better not accept the rishta. It is best for both. “Log kya kahain ge” should be sent to hell.

52

Re: Should we change ourselves to find a husband?

Changes should be reasonable. Forcing religion before marriage , then what else will you be forced to.change after marriage?

53

Re: Should we change ourselves to find a husband?

Apparently so..according to certain members here…who think..wearing hijab..just for the fella..is not a big deal. It is quiet clear..that..she is not ready to make such changes…so shouldn’t be expected. Fella is more than welcome to find hijabi.

54

Re: Should we change ourselves to find a husband?

If the guy were to be rich and great looking etc., a lot of women would change...and vice versa.

Even visa for another country makes people change.

55

Re: Should we change ourselves to find a husband?

I wouldn't put on a Hijab if a girl asked me too. Not happening.

56

Re: Should we change ourselves to find a husband?

If one wants to change for their spouse, do it with an open heart. Don't do it grudgingly and harbor resentment. Those ill feelings will only grow and cause further resentment. If you are the type of person who is open to change/compromise because you are doing it out of your heart and out of love for your s/o then more power to you. If you feel that it is something you can't go along with and will only make your feelings turn sour, then discuss it with them. It all depends on what you want out of your life. Yes big things before marriage should be discussed, but small things after which are likely to crop up, all come down to both parties willing to compromise. It is a different dynamic for every couple.

57

Re: Should we change ourselves to find a husband?

Aray yaar, i know you were joking. And I joked back with a TU part. Yeah bhi koi baat hui, You are an intelligent person, and you have your opinion, and I respect that, in fact agree with you (kind of)

58

Re: Should we change ourselves to find a husband?

If you are not comfortable in doing Hijab don´t do it but you can let him know about your choice. He may compromise on this, not a big issue.

The community around me wears scarf and duppatas on their heads, my husband wants me to wear scarf too but I don´t because I don´t want. He never forced me on this and understands. May be having a little conversation ma clear you on what you should do.

59

Re: Should we change ourselves to find a husband?

No you should not. Lots of guys will have similar mindset to you. Best to find liberal guy.

60

Re: Should we change ourselves to find a husband?

In my opinion (I didn't read the entire thread so sorry if I'm repeating something), a wife or a husband shouldn't change themselves religiously (hijab, beard, prayer) solely to please their spouse. Religious change should come from within and only to please Allah (swt).