Re: should one feel offended?
By ignore I mean making someone feel like they don't matter to you. If she speaks to you...listen, nod if you have to respond, smile and then change the subject or get up to use the restroom. Avoid her and keep her at a distance at all times. Kind of like saying to someone "that's very nice...so anyone know what the weather's like tomorrow?"
Re: should one feel offended?
Dude... If my SILs (thank God I won't have any) threw a hissy fit because MY husband let me pick what I wanted first I wouldn't feel bad or feel left out. I wouldn't even be apologetic - I'd actually be smiling inside, and maybe outside as well. People give their in laws way too much control over their emotions. If someone doesn't like me/leaves me out and makes it known, then why on earth would I care about them? I have enough friends and family to plan my own outings, parties, etc and leave them out.
Re: should one feel offended?
By ignore I mean making someone feel like they don't matter to you. If she speaks to you...listen, nod if you have to respond, smile and then change the subject or get up to use the restroom. Avoid her and keep her at a distance at all times. Kind of like saying to someone "that's very nice...so anyone know what the weather's like tomorrow?"
Hahhahaha.. I will have to practice this skill. She only speaks to me if she needs something. Plus, she does this in front of everyone so I cannot even refuse mostly. I do try my best to avoid her. I don't even like sitting in the same room with her. She normally starts a conversation with asking a bunch of questions and Idk how to avoid answering her questions.
Dude... If my SILs (thank God I won't have any) threw a hissy fit because MY husband let me pick what I wanted first I wouldn't feel bad or feel left out. I wouldn't even be apologetic - I'd actually be smiling inside, and maybe outside as well. People give their in laws way too much control over their emotions. If someone doesn't like me/leaves me out and makes it known, then why on earth would I care about them? I have enough friends and family to plan my own outings, parties, etc and leave them out.
He let me pick because he had paid for it. Also, I assumed that they had told him to do so. I didn't know it was going to be such a bigggg drama. I didn't even want the earrings anymore. Now, if I ever wear them, I feel so bad because I am reminded of the whole issue. Plus, my hubby paid for all of their earrings as well so they shouldn't be complaining. Hubby asked them to order a gold set for me from paki for our mon dikhai. He paid them a considerable amount too. Later, in front of everyone, MIL said "yeh set toh maine tumnhe diya tha." I was sooo upset. My hubby gave it to me!!
I wasn't apologetic but it was very awkward for me. SIL started saying, "yeh toh mere liye thi. Tum ne le li." Plus, PILs kept telling me for days that those baaliyan weren't for me. They were going to get me chandi ki baaliyaan but couldn't find it. It hurt me so badly! My SILs get gold baaliyan with my hubby's money and I get silver.
You are right though. I just need to forget it but it is so hard sometimes. I do not hangout with them anymore anyways. I need even go to the dawaats unless hubby insists.
Re: should one feel offended?
Hahhahaha.. I will have to practice this skill. She only speaks to me if she needs something. Plus, she does this in front of everyone so I cannot even refuse mostly. I do try my best to avoid her. I don't even like sitting in the same room with her. She normally starts a conversation with asking a bunch of questions and Idk how to avoid answering her questions.
So give her a very short answer and walk away.
If you're sitting in the same room with her and she asks you a million questions...answer them as briefly as possible and then get busy doing something else...like texting or playing a game on your phone. Ignore, ignore, ignore!
Re: should one feel offended?
Ok so this is just a general question based on my observation. i have seen (though just few) guys that as son-in-laws want to be invited to every other get-to-gathar, outings arranged by their in-laws. and will feel offended if they are not invited upon. for example even if if some casual dinner is planned by parents-in-law where they only want to spend some private time and relax with their own daughters and sons and do not want sons-in-law to be part of it, the sons-in-law take it in bad spirit.
and some DILs too make a great deal if their Parents-in-law want to have some outing time alone with their son/sons only, not taking along the DILs.
So why is that so? Why do SILs and DILs feel offended in these cases. is it really something that one should feel offended about and is it something not okay if parents want to spend just alone time with their own kids( without their spouses) once every now and then?
The one type of people that I can imagine getting offended are those that have no life of their own. I won't want my in-laws inviting me out as I would have my own plans and would want to do my own things.
Re: should one feel offended?
Mizsani, wear the earrings, wear everything he gave you in good health. If you don't wear them you're effectively letting them win, because that's what they wanted. Feel lucky and happy that you have a husband on your side that loves and cares for you. Don't let his family get to you.
Re: should one feel offended?
^ Thank you! :)
I am very grateful for my hubby! mA, he has been very supportive.
should one feel offended?
That's great mizsani! Exactly what terebina said!!
Re: should one feel offended?
Mizsani how did you stop doing things for her? I live with my inlaws and sil and pil expect me to do everything for the princess. Its amazing how much they expect from me when they never ever ask sil to help me with anything. Their double standards are making me a depression patient.
Re: should one feel offended?
They expect from you because you are "yes sir" to everything. You need to become dheet, when they ask, just say "hoon" and go about doing your own stuff. No matter how much fuss they make, keep ignoring their requests but don't say anything.
Re: should one feel offended?
I try but trust me they are far dheeter than me. Now thar sil is getting married and she and mil want me to do everything for her as in making salads for her keeping a check on her beauty routine make masks for her remind her to take her medicine (she has skin issues) like what the hell is she a baby or what. And she is soooo badtameez I dont wnt to argue with her. If I dont do her work my mil asks me why did I notdo it. I am soooo annoyed.
Re: should one feel offended?
Mizsani how did you stop doing things for her? I live with my inlaws and sil and pil expect me to do everything for the princess. Its amazing how much they expect from me when they never ever ask sil to help me with anything. Their double standards are making me a depression patient.
I agree with Lusi. I was under their control until I moved out. Before I was constantly being told what to do and was like a maid.
However, After the first six months, I became smarter in dealing with them. I think you should be very clever yet polite when in situations like these.
EX: If MIL would give me something to do for later like ironing her clothes or stitching her outfits… I would just keep it for a very long time and if she asked whether I had done it, I would just make an excuse. However, she would ask me in front of everyone and it was quite embarrassing for me to keep making excuses. Though, she soon realized that I was not interested in doing all her chores for her and stopped telling me.
She still tells me to stitch her an outfit every time she sees me but I just tell her that I have school. She says "don't you have weekends off" it is annoying but u have to stand your ground when this happens. I just say that I have homework and lots of chores on the weekends. P.S. she has two daughters who don't do anything, whom she can ask to stitch stuff for her but she chooses to give me everything to do.
Another ex: When I lived with them, she wanted me to vacuum the entire house daily. I just didn't do it. She sat me down in front of the entire family and started complaining how my older bhabhi won't vacuum the house if I won't.. I told her that in my family men do the vacuum and my hubby had been doing it weekly. If she likes, she could ask hubby to do it on a daily basis. She was like, "**** beta toh roz job kar ke aata hai." I was like, "haan meri bhi roz college hoti hai." Simple. I didn't say it in a rude way at all… just in a neutral tone.
Then she started complaining how the kitchen was never clean… So I told her that I clean the kitchen daily and do detailed cleaning every Thursday night while they watch dramas on TV. She started shaking her head… so I asked hubby and hubby agreed. I added that I am willing to leave hubby but not my education and that won't be a hard choice for me at all. Thus, if they have complaints I will be more than happy to go live at my mother's until my education is completed. MIL stated, "kitne din tumhari ammi rakhengi tumhein? ek ya do months?" So I said, "mA, my mom raised me until now and would love to have me there with her."
This was pretty bad but I maintained a very respectful and neutral tone. I think you can say several things that may be very rude but in a nice tone so it doesn't seem bad at all. Hubby told his mother the next day to stop asking me to do stuff. He said that she was being very ungrateful and unappreciative of me and that he no longer wants me to do house chores. I still contributed but this allowed me to do things my way.
Sorry for the rants :(
Re: should one feel offended?
If your mil doesn't throw a tantrum witnessing her dear son side with his wife then trust me she isn't that mean afterall. If my hubby even jokes around with me ir holds my hand or something in front of her, her face charges color with jealousy let alone taking my side against them. Last year in my pregnancy I had issues and doc had instructed me not to travel climb stairs and stuff. She'd make me work saying "iss time main kaam karna acha hota hai" and just because I didn't puke and her own daughters dis she'd not take the docs instructions in to consideration. Anyway the whole ramadan last year u worked so much we'd have an iftaar ever second day and she or her daughter wont help me at all. I got too low by the last 10 days and hubby noticed that. He spoke to mil to ask sil to help me. God I dont even want to recall what happened after that. The worst part is my sil doesn't even know my disliking for her. The other dqy she herself was telling me that she is my sabse achi sil qnd wanted me to say yes by addibg haina haina :s
Re: should one feel offended?
Atta girl! 
Re: should one feel offended?
Oh she threw a tantrum and fell sick for a week… I just chose not to care. You shouldn’t have listened to her.. Instead, you should have told her what your doctor said and refused to do what she asked you to. She would have made your life hell temporarily but in the end she would have learned her lesson. My MIL knows not to complain to me ever again because she knows that I will not be afraid to stand up for myself.
I went about my life as though nothing had happened and eventually her health got better without me having to apologize or anything.
Oh I was sort of scared that my relationship with hubby would be over after that but to this day he says I did the right thing and he respects me for being polite about it. He says it was not my fault at all and he would never want to lose me over petty things like that.