Re: should one feel offended?
I agree with Lusi. I was under their control until I moved out. Before I was constantly being told what to do and was like a maid.
However, After the first six months, I became smarter in dealing with them. I think you should be very clever yet polite when in situations like these.
EX: If MIL would give me something to do for later like ironing her clothes or stitching her outfits… I would just keep it for a very long time and if she asked whether I had done it, I would just make an excuse. However, she would ask me in front of everyone and it was quite embarrassing for me to keep making excuses. Though, she soon realized that I was not interested in doing all her chores for her and stopped telling me.
She still tells me to stitch her an outfit every time she sees me but I just tell her that I have school. She says “don’t you have weekends off” it is annoying but u have to stand your ground when this happens. I just say that I have homework and lots of chores on the weekends. P.S. she has two daughters who don’t do anything, whom she can ask to stitch stuff for her but she chooses to give me everything to do.
Another ex: When I lived with them, she wanted me to vacuum the entire house daily. I just didn’t do it. She sat me down in front of the entire family and started complaining how my older bhabhi won’t vacuum the house if I won’t.. I told her that in my family men do the vacuum and my hubby had been doing it weekly. If she likes, she could ask hubby to do it on a daily basis. She was like, “**** beta toh roz job kar ke aata hai.” I was like, “haan meri bhi roz college hoti hai.” Simple. I didn’t say it in a rude way at all… just in a neutral tone.
Then she started complaining how the kitchen was never clean… So I told her that I clean the kitchen daily and do detailed cleaning every Thursday night while they watch dramas on TV. She started shaking her head… so I asked hubby and hubby agreed. I added that I am willing to leave hubby but not my education and that won’t be a hard choice for me at all. Thus, if they have complaints I will be more than happy to go live at my mother’s until my education is completed. MIL stated, “kitne din tumhari ammi rakhengi tumhein? ek ya do months?” So I said, “mA, my mom raised me until now and would love to have me there with her.”
This was pretty bad but I maintained a very respectful and neutral tone. I think you can say several things that may be very rude but in a nice tone so it doesn’t seem bad at all. Hubby told his mother the next day to stop asking me to do stuff. He said that she was being very ungrateful and unappreciative of me and that he no longer wants me to do house chores. I still contributed but this allowed me to do things my way.
Sorry for the rants 