I have had a close friend since high school time. We were in touch for 12 years on on and off. She could suddenly dissappear and then suddenly reappear to be in touch cuz she needed to talk to someone.
I didnt notice that behaviour so much back then. I was just there for her when she needed me.
Last year when I got engaged her behaviour started to change. I went to Pakistan for shopping and stayed with her. She was at that time studying in Pakistan. She was quiet rude to me and didnt bother going out for shopping with me or spending time with me. I actually forgave her for all that rudeness even though I was hurt. She told me many times that she was jealous that I was getting married before her since she is a few years older than me.
I did get hurt cuz of all that and when I returned from Pakistan I didnt feel like calling her as I had done before to keep in touch and listen to her personal issues.
She got mad at me and told me over MSN that I was forgetting old friends just cuz I was getting married. I responded that I am busy with wedding preperations and if she couldnt be of any help, she could at least try not to hurt me. Her response was the same. That I am forgetting my friends cuz of my upcoming wedding.
A few weeks after this MSn conversation I got married and she didnt congratulate me. She didnt buy me a gift while I actually was in Pakistan and neither did she send one later on. She didnt even bother to call me to congratulate or send me a letter or e-mail or sms.
First I tried to justify it with that fact that we are going for a long honeymoon so maybe she’ll contact me later on. But just a week after we returned from honeymoon it was my birthday and she still didnt contact me to wish me.
Now its her birthday at the ned of this week and I feel like that maybe I should take a move and contact her and wish her.
But on the other hand I am so badly hurt by her entire behaviour and I feel so badly used by her cuz she was so good to make me do things for her and now when she doesnt need me anymore I dont mean anything to her at all…
I dont want to end up that bad circle again but I guess I miss to have friends to talk to cuz it feels a bit lonely to move away from my hometown to this new place…
Maybe I should focus on making new but good and loyal friends instead of going back to what I know isnt good for me..
I dont call a person who uses you and is jelous of you when your gettin married a “friend”…u no wut i mean…cus frend are there to support u and be happy for u..and i dunt think k u shud contact her at all…i mean wuts the poistn right?,…if she dsnt give a damn about u…and dint even bother calling or coming to ur wedding or wishin u haoyy budday… then why shud u?..thas my opinion..:)…
me gta go off to skool……soooooo ill reply later
tc
I have found that even people you call your bestfriend can be jealous or envious of you at times.
Anyway, on certain occassions I'd send a card (I dont really celebrate birthdays). And then go about my business. But thats just me. I dont go by other peoples actions in how I feel I should respond to things. I try to go by what I think is the right thing to do, regardless of their behavior. (Though of course sometimes I do slip.)
A true friend wud b happy for u regardless let alone blatnantly showing their jealousy to u. She cudnt b happy for u on ur wedding what makes u think shes suddenly gonna b a good friend on ur birthday-or her birthday. Its hard and it hurts but uve moved on and got married and uve got different things happening in ur life. U dont need ppl like that in ur life.
don't do it for her... if sending a card makes u feel good, makes u feel like a better person, then go ahead and wish her. but don't expect her to reciprocate.
i dunno, i feel that you shdn't let other pplz behaviours change the good qualities in you. naiki ker darya mein daal. but if it's affecting you, hurting u, then why bother?
btw, it sounds like you wanna call her because you miss having friends, and her bday is just a good opportunity to break the ice. if that is the foundation on which the friendship will be renewed, then i don't think it'll last until her next bday anyway. why not move on, and make better friends?
A true friend wud b happy for u regardless let alone blatnantly showing their jealousy to u. She cudnt b happy for u on ur wedding what makes u think shes suddenly gonna b a good friend on ur birthday-or her birthday. Its hard and it hurts but uve moved on and got married and uve got different things happening in ur life. U dont need ppl like that in ur life.
I agree. A true, honest and genuine person would also not badmouth you behind your back. You don't need people like this in your life Chameli.
It's up to you Chameli. If you want to try and rekindle your friendship, you can do that ... just be on guard.
I agree with you guys that one should hurt oneself and dont do things that makes u feel sad.
But I have always been a person who takes care of others and been there for those who needed me. I dont believe in revenge or hatred but somehow all these dissapointments from ppl around me have made me draw a clear line so i dont feel like doing much for those who upset me.
Earlier I would have done like Munni and someone else said and have contacted her but I dont feel like doing it and still I feel some kind of dilemma....
because i have been reading your posts from quite a while and all you write is 'everything is about You you and just YOU' .... what's a big deal if someone didn't congratulate you on your wedding or expressed sometimes to you that she isn't happy becasue you are getting married before her....maybe she didnt meant it to be that way and somehow you got the wrong impression who knows....if i had a friend like her, i would rather be sympathized with her and try to find why she is reacting that way and will try to help her, rather making it a big deal of 'not congratulating me on my birthday' or watever ...
people go through a lot of problems in these days and every other person you meet in your life are somehow depressed on something... if you have something in your life by the grace of God and they dont, then dont put them down.
Doosti'an rishte waighara lene ki buniyaad per nahi, balke kissi ko kuch dene ki buniyaad per bunte hain... simply, that's how I feel
OH MY GOD, women and their drama... she didn't call me to congratulate me so I won't call her to congratulate her... this is EXACTLY why men don't call each other on special occasions, in fact they barely call each other at all.
I have exact same thoughts as Munni. If I were you I'd wish this friend on her birthday...My reasoning is I DONT want to become the person that my friend has turned into. I don't want to be petty or selfish, the way she has become. However, I don't go all out...if I have time and if I think I should do something good for someone I do it but I don't exactly measure the friendship to see if s/he deserves my kindness or not.
i hv same thoughts as YOURFRIEND saying...all right n false...true or bad abut u 2 frnds i dunoo but i thnk u r also wanting to hv her speciall attentions..like all should wish uu ..congrate uu ect experience abut frndship is dat amongst many frnds there r some who want to b superior all other should b walk as she walk in evry matter n always want feeling of a speciall personality??frndship me kabhi ego ka problem a jata hay n gap create ho jat ahay...i hv a very nice n lovly frnd since 18 years we studied 2gether in all stages till university but i would state here my mooto was first serve or give then ultimatly u ll hv...sometimes it occured dat our frndship went on clashes but later we handled dat now we r maried n still we hv strong contact n relation..
if i was you,i wud have wished her if i had remembered her b'day..would take a few minutes..she wudnt have been important enough anymore to hurt me of to be thought of for this long.. yaad aa jate tau wish kar deti..warna nahi !
Hain, where did that come from? Where did she mention that this friend was talking behind her back? Or are you just trying to push your own agenda here?
Chameli, in case nobody told you this yet, the real motivation behind getting you married off was for you to have this one person dedicated to your “cause”, someone who will have no choice but to be there at teh receiving end as you have these uncontrollable urges to indulge in drama. So I say focus on your hubby and his bheja, spare the rest.
Sometimes we just lose our minds and cant control ourselves...I think you should wish her....sooner or later she'll figure out what she did was wrong....maybe when you congratulate her she might start to understand...:)
…soooooo ill reply later