Should I or should I not?

Lifestyle Relationships
21

Re: Should I or should I not?

u obviously dont want to go ahead, dont try and convince us hun...

It seems u have already made up ure mind...

Timepass-December 2013
22

Re: Should I or should I not?

Haven't you already had a nikkah? Islamically that is a marriage, meaning that if you back off, you will have talaq procedures. You should have thought of all these things before formally having a nikkah, no?

23

About the drinking, my husband told me himself that he drinks and when he told me I tried talking to him about it and asked him if he would quit and he was like I only drink occassionally not all the time so I dont think i need to quit. i gave him some time I was like take your time and think about it but he never gave me an answer! He told me strictly not to tell my dad which I still did and my dad was like he'll get better after he's married and i'll talk to him he'll understand... well will he?

24

It makes me wonder Wonderz1, that how come you came about to be in an arranged marriage with this guy in the first place. How do you know these people? If they are that lalchee and bad then I suggest you back out. God forbid, they can pressurise you and make your life a living hell after your rukhsati. I have seen this happening many times before. Oh and those people that drink they hardly change after marriage. Trust me I know. Oh and like Alvena said, you seem to be really suffocating and frustrated in this Nikkah so I suggest you take a Khula and back out now.

~Whose Avatar is the Best~
25

This reminds of of what a friend of mine went through. She married into a very greedy family and she regrets it. Infact she doesn't want to go back. Her parents have to literally force her to go back because she was the one who despite knwoing what the people were like went ahead with the marriage. She could've broken the engagment but she didn't.

You are not attracted to him, they are greedy and he drinks. Personally these qualities would put me off. Rather than breaking the marriage a couple of years later, it would be best to finish it off now.

26

[quote="wonderz1, post:6, topic:205961"]

About the drinking, my husband told me himself that he drinks and when he told me I tried talking to him about it and asked him if he would quit and he was like I only drink occassionally not all the time so I dont think i need to quit. i gave him some time I was like take your time and think about it but he never gave me an answer! He told me strictly not to tell my dad which I still did and my dad was like he'll get better after he's married and i'll talk to him he'll understand... well will he?/QUOTE]

He might turn into a heavy drinker in the future which may lead to domestic violence. Are you up for that? I hope not. I have seen plenty of cases and believe me things can get ugly.

27

Re: Should I or should I not?

guys we dont know the circumstances surrounding the nikkah itself...so i dont think we should judge her on that but infact try and help someone who needs advice. Everyone makes mistakes and yes its a very big one to go into a nikkah like that but its done....we need to give constructive advice on what to do next.

wonderz he wont change after marriage because he doesnt admit he has a problem...maybe read the rishta of an alcoholic threaD?

28

no alvena Im not trying to convince anyone..... I had a question about laina dhaina and posted a thread on this and when I told everyone what I got or am suppose to get, everyone was shocked.... and that was a few weeks ago... now I have been thinking deeper ever since and am confused!

29

Re: Should I or should I not?

Guys, someone who drinks occasionally is not necessarily an alcoholic, nor will they necessarily become one or someone who is abusive. It's obviously a possibility, but that's always the case. You don't know what the future holds.

But wonderz1, don't expect him to give up the drinking. He doesn't see it as wrong. You do. So that's a fundamental difference. Either you're okay with his drinking or you end the marriage.

If these people are so bad, why does your father want you to continue?

30

I dont know how to add my other thread well it was this Need help concerning layna dhaina… in the wedding section…

31

o never mind i just did

32

Re: Should I or should I not?

aww I hope you come out of this confusion ASAP and sort your life out iA!

Gehri Kaali Si Do Aankhen
33

Yes it WAS harsh, but don't you think it was galactically stupid not to talk to your potential husband before getting a nikah? Unless of course you live in the 12th century, there is no excuse for that. Yes it's your fault for getting a nikah even if your family didn't let you talk to him, were they holding a gun to your head?

You take marriage with such nonchalance, you think it's good to get a nikah and then get divorced? All this because you couldn't say to your parents "Hey, it's my life, I'm willing to give this guy a shot, but at the very least I would like to talk to him". One doesn't even take small decisions so lightly like test driving a car, would you buy a brand new car without ever having even sat in it? Why then would you make such an important life decision without doing ANY research?

34

Re: Should I or should I not?

aahmed - in our culture sometimes saying "yes"
to our parents is just what people are taught as a sign of respect for them.

I know it seems very 12th century but some girls and guys trust their parents 100% to make the right decisions for them in marriage and in careers

Some don't even recognize that they have a say until it's too late.

35

Re: Should I or should I not?

hey wonders, is he planning to move here with you or you will be going to Pak after rukhsati. i think if he is moving here then it would be different story and you would have better chances of having things resolved/under control.

36

aahmed I agree with you but not all families are understanding and willing to listen to you.... my family is very backwards, they think there kids lives are their lives so they make the decisions for them, sometimes we have no say in it! It is about respect and thats why you say yes........ but sometimes it just hits you and you figure out that this really is your life... and thats what happened to me after the nikkah after realizing what kind of people im gona spend my future with...... I dont expect you to understand.... for my family it is the 12th century.....

37

Im suppose to live there in Pakistan with him, he doesnt want to live here...

38

Re: Should I or should I not?

...didnt you have a terrible time when you were in pakistan as a child? also if you are used to living in the US living there will be really difficult.

Get out now!

39

Re: Should I or should I not?

I STILL don't understand why your father wants to continue with this marriage when they are clearly such bad people.

(also, given your response in another thread, your father may have good intentions but makes bad decisions for you and your siblings. it's time to take charge and not rely on him and his wishes.)

40

Re: Should I or should I not?

If the drinking bothers you (which as muslims it should bother most of us), then dont think he will change after getting married since he doesnt think its wrong. I cannot believe your father thinks that he will change.

If you r inlaws are so greedy now, i wonder how much more will they get later on.

I suggest if you have a choice to get out of this relationship now, do so. Its never too late if you arent happy.

PasooRi pe gai