Should I move on?

[purple100]

Re: Should I move on?

@redvelvet

I have mixed feelings about this relationship, but I lean toward what Paheli suggested in her original post.

1. Purple, if he wants space…you give him the galaxy. It may not sound like it right now, but giving him that space will be HEALTHY for both you and him. See, you won’t just be giving him space…you’ll be giving YOURSELF some space too. And YOU can use that time apart from him to reflect over your relationship and whether or not he’s the right guy for you and whether or not YOU want to marry him. Why does it all have to be about him? It’s good to contemplate over your own feelings as well. It’s easier said than done, but don’t be so terrified about giving and receiving space. Before this guy entered the picture, you DID have a life…and that shouldn’t stop. Your life does not revolve around and your self-worth is not based upon him or any guy. Continue living your life…read a book, work out, talk to friends, watch a movie, paint your nails, go for a walk, take a trip, cook, do your laundry, clean, take on a project, get in touch with your spiritual side. Again…that break apart will help you connect with YOU and also figure out if you want this guy in your life. You might realize that you had even “lost” yourself in this guy.

2. When you didn’t hear from him, you missed him right? And missing him made it all the more exciting/sweeter when he got into touch with you, right? So, why deprive him of the pleasure/excitement of missing you? Some amount of space is good, Purple. Give him a chance to miss you at times. He can’t do that if you’re always bugging him.

3. Respect is the most basic component of a relationship. When he asked you for space…and you didn’t give him…that’s disrespectful. That may sound harsh, but it is. Imagine if someone followed you around all the time, breathed down your neck, wouldn’t leave you alone…you’d be pretty annoyed too right? And worse…that person would continue to bug you EVEN after you requested that they back off from you. How would you feel? I don’t know about you…but if I were to even talk to my female friends every single day…there will come a point when I get tired of things and need a break for some time. It makes the reconnection better, I find, in most cases. You can’t even have a friendship…let alone a relationship…if you don’t try to respect each other’s wishes. To gain some, you have to give up some.

4. I think one of the reasons guys are afraid of entering a relationship/commitment because they fear losing their freedom. They fear the girl that will infringe upon that freedom…freak out if they want to hang out with their guy friends, or not give them the space to just be a guy and do things by himself or with OTHER people in his life. It’s stifling. Do not turn into that girl! Men (especially) and women…will at times pull away in a relationship. Let them. By giving him his space…you’re showing him that you UNDERSTAND/RESPECT him…and everyone wants to be understood/respected and in turn he in turn will appreciate that…and it increases the chances of him missing you and coming back. Chasing after him will backfire.

5. I’m not guaranteeing that your boyfriend will definitely want to get in touch with you and marry you. THIS SHOULD NOT be the reason for you taking a break from him. You should take a break for 2 reasons: Firstly out of respect for his wishes and secondly for yourself. We all need a break to focus on other things. It’s so easy to get caught up in another person and lose yourself. This time apart will put things in perspective for you…and if you realize that he’s not the one for you…it’s better to figure that out now instead after the wedding and ending up with a divorce. Don’t rush to the decision of dumping him. Take a break from him…take it one day a time…and it’ll give you a better feel for what you want in your life and whether or not he should be a part of it. A marriage is not only based on the other person’s approval/acceptance of you…your own approval of them is very important as well. I know it’s tough, been there done that. Hang in there and best wishes.

Wow, loved reading from you! Indeed a very helpful post! Thanks a lot dear