anya
March 22, 2013, 6:05pm
41
Re: Should I feel insecure?
Every time we go out, obviously she’s with me, and If I like something I say “oh this is so pretty but too expensive” and she’ll go “hammad, mujhe le do tum” and he buys it! Like she shows to me on purpose that my son gives me preference and he does…but she and others take advantage of it! She doesn’t wear a lot of makeup but last week I saw a lipgloss for like $30 in the mall and said “I wish it was cheaper, it’s such a nice shade” and she goes “mujhe dikhao, han bauhat accha hai, hammad mujhe lekar do”…wth? Lipgloss? she doesn’t it wear it!! Like, she could have said apni wife ko le do use bauhat pasand hai…NO! She just wants to show how important she is and gets her way in everything by demanding or crying!!
Your mil is just competing with you, and this will not end. She is just exploiting her son and will continue to do so because the son is allowing it. Maybe he is under guilt of not marrying according to his mother’s wishes but he is just being unfair to you. He is the one who needs to strike a balance here. And to be honest, you cannot ‘ehsaas dila’ your husband regarding that…he needs to feel that on his own because its not like he cannot do anything against his parents’ wishes…he got married to you because he wanted to.
FIL has not earned it for himself. He has nothing, I mean not even a single penny saved up. He didn’t pay for any of the kids’ education or weddings. He didn’t even buy a house for himself after living here for 25+ years and now he just wants to use hubby’s money as he pleases. Mind you, he’s not like that with other two sons. He says the eldest has the responsibility. The other two are 27 and 23. My hubby is 29. Not much difference if you ask me! If I tell me to be equal he says ammi abu ka waise hi zyada haq hota hai. And sometimes when he’s really angry he says “I’m feeding you, clothing you, have a place to live, what else do you want?”. I don’t even care about material things, it only hurts emotionally that I’m being treated like dirt and he’s letting them take advantage!
And so I thought! But h*ll has broken loose numerous times and continues to do so! She cries, shouts, etc. Brings out the quran to show him how parents k baare mein kya likha hai, etc. So much drama!!! He’s so obedient to them and still they cause so much drama, imagine if he says no to something they say. Yeah they stay with me, but they don’t talk to me. Only tell me to serve khaana or do this chore or the other. Other than that, no communication, only random taaney they blurt out towards me but say it among themselves.
How can you live in this stress?? You don’t need a chaperone 24/7 and can you live like this for the rest of your life without any privacy??
What I have heard is that you may be able to ‘bardasht’ all this on yourself but once you have kids, it is very difficult to see them go through it.
And forget what the community will say, they are not coming here to help you solve your problems, are they? I am not asking you to divorce or anything but you need to decide what is best for you without thinking about some random people in the society. So decide if its worth the effort…your peace of mind/sanity/respect versus this life.