Should I feel insecure?

[BusyBee]

Re: Should I feel insecure?

@queen_24

and you know the entire situation? only because you are in the same boat?

To OP, I think what I suggested was worth reading with the limited information you gave in your first post.
Based on your second post, 6 years IS a big deal, if he has been doing the same since the day first with you then you really need to sit, talk and get it sorted out.

Has it happened before that she asked for different items from his boy and he gives it to her and when it comes to you, he never?
Is it just about a ring or he has been doing same things in the past?
If he is doing that, then DEFINITELY he is doing wrong!!

Communicate and let him know what you feel. Have you done it already?

I read your other post too. Yes, it has happened numerous times since day one! One week after we got married, she demanded $8000 just because she wanted to buy some jewelry. He didn’t even give me jewelry worth more than a $1000 on my wedding!! He gave her that. Then, few months later, to buy them a house, which he did, then a new car, then a car for his sister who wasn’t married, then a car for his bro (who was working!!!). I’m just giving you examples of the big things, small things happen every single day. Every time we go out, obviously she’s with me, and If I like something I say “oh this is so pretty but too expensive” and she’ll go “hammad, mujhe le do tum” and he buys it! Like she shows to me on purpose that my son gives me preference and he does…but she and others take advantage of it! She doesn’t wear a lot of makeup but last week I saw a lipgloss for like $30 in the mall and said “I wish it was cheaper, it’s such a nice shade” and she goes “mujhe dikhao, han bauhat accha hai, hammad mujhe lekar do”…wth? Lipgloss? she doesn’t it wear it!! Like, she could have said apni wife ko le do use bauhat pasand hai…NO! She just wants to show how important she is and gets her way in everything by demanding or crying!!
I have tried to talk to him in the past. He says I know she is doing it on purpose but I can’t change her mentality at this age and they’re my parents and they have more rights. After he says this, I have nothing left to say honestly. I can argue all I want, logically or islamically, he will say what he believes and what his parents believe, I can’t change their thinking.

@Ghost14

You need specific instances of when you’ve felt left out or neglected. Personally, I think his parents deciding to sit on their butts while their son is trying to start a family is very selfish. He should send them money if they need help, but retiring at 50 is ridiculous (unless you’ve earned it yourself).

I agree with what Paheli said, you’re a grown ass woman with two degrees. You need to be able to talk to your husband about wanting to work and asking for what you feel is fair. If and when you talk to him, make sure to stress that you want him to take care of his parents but would like him to moderate it a little bit.

FIL has not earned it for himself. He has nothing, I mean not even a single penny saved up. He didn’t pay for any of the kids’ education or weddings. He didn’t even buy a house for himself after living here for 25+ years and now he just wants to use hubby’s money as he pleases. Mind you, he’s not like that with other two sons. He says the eldest has the responsibility. The other two are 27 and 23. My hubby is 29. Not much difference if you ask me! If I tell me to be equal he says ammi abu ka waise hi zyada haq hota hai. And sometimes when he’s really angry he says “I’m feeding you, clothing you, have a place to live, what else do you want?”. I don’t even care about material things, it only hurts emotionally that I’m being treated like dirt and he’s letting them take advantage!

@Reha

Doing justice with your parents doesn’t mean doing injustice with your wife. Why do desi people think mistreating your wife is actually doing insaaf with parents? Apni bivi ko dukh dekay hi betay ko maa ka dil rakhna hota hai?

If caring for your mother means making your wife listen to tanay bazi then not only is he a horrible husband but an even worse son because he got married yet never taught his parents how to treat his wife.

And going to your friends’ homes with your MIL is just weird. Who cares if hell breaks loose? It’ll break loose once, twice, thrice, eventually they’ll get tired of breaking hell everyday. Let her cry, she’ll get over it.

People don’t know how to treat others…you teach them.

And so I thought! But h*ll has broken loose numerous times and continues to do so! She cries, shouts, etc. Brings out the quran to show him how parents k baare mein kya likha hai, etc. So much drama!!! He’s so obedient to them and still they cause so much drama, imagine if he says no to something they say. Yeah they stay with me, but they don’t talk to me. Only tell me to serve khaana or do this chore or the other. Other than that, no communication, only random taaney they blurt out towards me but say it among themselves.
I have to take her everywhere, even if I go out to throw the garbage. Even if I’m going to a friends or even my dr.'s appointment or anywhere, she wants to come. If I make a new friend, she wants their phone number in her phone, even if she’s met them or not!! She has many times called my friends behind my back and spoken ill about me in a polite way…I don’t know how to explain. Like she’s told me bad about me but said it in a nicer or pity tone so they believe her. Of course my friends told me!! She has done so in the community as well. Now, even the aunties that used to praise me have become distant and I can notice a difference. Like, I don’t know what she wants from me!!!