I overheard him talking about me to his mother this morning. It wasn’t general chit chat…he was comparing me to our cousins wives in terms of everything really. And he said something like…“you can yell at her all you want…she won’t say anything to you”…he said more..but it’s hurtful and i don’t want to repeat it. Should i talk to him about it?
Re: Should i confront my husband?
LOL
If you want to talk to him then go ahead, but he was actuary doing the right thing.
Probably (and I am only assuming), your mil was complaining about you and all he said that why don't you directly yell at her, implying that you have a direct relationship with my wife, and you have a right to directly confront her. This approach gives mil this satisfaction that oh my son is not protecting his wife against everything. This approach usually calms the mil down, and she never even talk to dil about it, as all they wanted was a sense of security, knowing that how insecure uduakkyr mil s are
Re: Should i confront my husband?
Yes you should confront him. If he is a reasonable person, I am sure he will atleast feel guilty about passing such a remark.
If that doesnt work, you can put "jamal ghota" in his food on his way to office.
i want to believe that…but idk…the rest of his comments were too weird. He said when i go to Pakistan cooking and cleaning day and night for my in-laws will “tighten any loose screws” that i have. I’ve lived with my husband since after our marriage…his parents have been in Pakistan. I Skype and phone then regularly. Don’t complain about them at all. Idk. I’m confused.
Re: Should i confront my husband?
dekh lo...... if you have any other issues besides this........ making this a huge phadda won't do any good..... he will try to explain, or give you context.......you ain't going to believe that either....... and the shiit hits the fan soon enough...
Re: Should i confront my husband?
the thing is the advice giver must know the stories of both sides, in your case three sides, and also the demeanor of each one of you in order to give a sound advice.
as per your story, it's your husband who should talk to you what he was talking to his mother...after all it was all about you...he should explain what was going on so you aren't caught off guard when your MIL talks to you.
imho, i think mothers and sons do talk about their DILs and wives...but, it shouldn't be hurtful or in secrecy.
Re: Should i confront my husband?
It really depends on what kind of relationship you two have.
I’ve never really eavesdropped on my husband…but after this i wonder what else my MIL says abt me when she talks to my husband alone. Oh and my sister in law was talking to my husband as well…abt me. I dont get it. I dont want this to be an issue but my husband has always seem me as a crappy wife cos i’m trying to juggle full-time school, the house and a baby. I’m not allowed to bring food from my moms house so dinner is cooked late sometimes cos of my schedule. The house isn’t sparkling clean 24/7 blah blah. But i don’t think these are huge mistakes upon which he should be talking abt me like im a servant who didnt do her job properly. At the end of the day…i dont think any MIL has the right to treat her DIL like crap. If she has an issue with me my husband could have said..“yes ill make sure its resolved..dont worry” why would he say “sure u can yell at her and slap her around when ahe visits u next summer…she wont say a word in retaliation. If she does…i would deal with her harshly.” Those were his words talking abt me. =/
Like do we generally discuss things? Yeah. Have we discussed something about our families before? Yeah. But he takes things about his parents and family way too sensitively. Idk…it’s hard to explain. Example: My FIL has a Civic in Pakistan. We were talking abt cars and i said i don’t like Civics. My husband took it as an insult to his father. =/ He has complained abt my parents numerous times and it’s come to the point where my parents don’t ask/talk to him abt anything other than the weather and our son…fearing he’ll get offended if anything else is said. Idk what to do.
Ok he certainly hasn’t each the level of maturity yet that is required for him to play a balanced husband/son role. I would advice, after reading this post of yours, is to be a mature I’ve and let it go this time.
Re: Should i confront my husband?
Seriously? Tell him to grow a pair and stop acting like a jerk
Re: Should i confront my husband?
i want to believe that...but idk...the rest of his comments were too weird. He said when i go to Pakistan cooking and cleaning day and night for my in-laws will "tighten any loose screws" that i have. I've lived with my husband since after our marriage...his parents have been in Pakistan. I Skype and phone then regularly. Don't complain about them at all. Idk. I'm confused.
I suggest you should talk to him. If he is a reasonable man, he will give you a satisfactory answer.
Also, if you give incomplete information on the situation in your post, people will give you wrong advice.
Re: Should i confront my husband?
Like do we generally discuss things? Yeah. Have we discussed something about our families before? Yeah. But he takes things about his parents and family way too sensitively. Idk...it's hard to explain. Example: My FIL has a Civic in Pakistan. We were talking abt cars and i said i don't like Civics. M*y husband took it as an insult to his father. *=/ He has complained abt my parents numerous times and it's come to the point where my parents don't ask/talk to him abt anything other than the weather and our son...fearing he'll get offended if anything else is said. Idk what to do.
Yeah, based on what you have said so far, your situation doesn't look that good.
I’m not perfect…and the ‘problem’ started when my in-laws complained that i don’t Skype or phone then regularly…i didn’t make it an issue and made it a point to regularly Skype with them. My husband has a falling put with my dad around the same time bcos he was working with my dad and wouldn’t show up to work 4/5 days out of the week and racked up a ton of debt…which also led to him not sending money to his parents…he lied tothem continuously that he was wprking and made me do the same. My dad spoke to him about it cos my FIL made some comments about me spending money like a nutjob and not having a budget…when in reality…my husband just wasn’t going to work. Also, he fought with me abt having my mom helpout 2 days a week when my school schedule was really late (i got home at 10pm)…she would basically make dinner those two days and i would make roti at home. My husband made it an issue and forbid me from doing that. I felt bad amd we argued about it for a few days but eventually i felt bad and decided not to do it of he didn’t like it. Theres a lot more but yeah…thats the gist of it. =/
My husband calls me badtameez and disrespectful if i talk back when we argue. It makes me feel like crap cos he insiniates that my parenta haven’t raised me properly. So i can’t really do that.
Re: Should i confront my husband?
I'm not perfect...and the 'problem' started when my in-laws complained that i don't Skype or phone then regularly...i didn't make it an issue and made it a point to regularly Skype with them. My husband has a falling put with my dad around the same time bcos he was working with my dad and wouldn't show up to work 4/5 days out of the week and racked up a ton of debt...which also led to him not sending money to his parents...he lied tothem continuously that he was wprking and made me do the same. My dad spoke to him about it cos my FIL made some comments about me spending money like a nutjob and not having a budget...when in reality...my husband just wasn't going to work. Also, he fought with me abt having my mom helpout 2 days a week when my school schedule was really late (i got home at 10pm)...she would basically make dinner those two days and i would make roti at home. My husband made it an issue and forbid me from doing that. I felt bad amd we argued about it for a few days but eventually i felt bad and decided not to do it of he didn't like it. Theres a lot more but yeah...thats the gist of it. =/
Listen, I agree with you on all accounts. You have to realized and understand what is the best for you. And you alone. In most cased being rebellious is not a good options, especially if your husband is not on your side.
Easy answer for this situation is, as TLK said, let it go this time.
But work on how to fix your household situation that it deeper than it may seem. And this is a 'long term' plan that would need to work on. Assume in-laws to remain idiots but learn how to lead them to believe the are the best and their wishes are fulfilled. If someone says sorry first, she becomes superior in front of the other. Learn how to manipulate your husband to think he is in charge and you do whatever he wants you to do or expects from you. Eventually, if he is a jerk, he will stop looking into your eyes and may things will start working out for you.
In the end of all this, all you have to do in survive. If you are not powerful enough do not start a full on fight that would not have able to manager later.
You sound very reasonable. You should be the stronger one of the two and bring the family to a resolute situation.
Was he brought from Pak..and i am assuming u were raised here??
Re: Should i confront my husband?
S_Punk, I think you should not bring up this issue and confront your husband about it because it will only make him more defensive.
You said your husband used to work with your father, but they had a falling out. What does he do now? Does he have a job?
I think the bigger problem is that you're carrying an unfairly large workload between the baby, your degree, and housework. Stop giving in to your husband's crazy demand that you do all the housework. If he doesn't like your mom to give you food, start ordering food from outside. It's inhuman to expect you to do all the cooking and housework after you're home at 10. What does he do the whole day anyway? Why can't he help?
Sorry to be blunt, but I think your husband sounds like a bully, and you should take a firm stand against this. Rather than fighting over what he says to his mother, pick and choose your battles carefully.
My mom and dad say the same thing…and i’ve tried it and continue doing it. However, it’s been three years and there doesn’t seem to be a change. And i don’t know what i’m doing wrong. As i stated before, i do my level best to keep the house, cook and take care of him and the baby. I don’t want to fight as that’s not my nature…but my husband always goes on the defensive when we start talking about any problem. This leads to him yelling/insulting me and me sitting quietly waiting for him to stop. The one time i did speak back…he called my mother at the same minute and told her to take me away cos i’m badtameez and whatnot. When i ask him if im doing everything fine…at the time he says yeah ur great…i have no problems with u etc etc. Yet then he tells his mom im horrible and says picks fights over nothing.