Re: Should i be hurt?
Men? 
easy to blame everything on the man, another woman is involved as well and mostly the women know that the guy they are with is already married.
Re: Should i be hurt?
Personally, I think they both need to realise what they are doing (the other woman and the husband). Knowing he's married is one thing - when actually face to face with Faroza, it may make them both realise the magnitude of their actions. Regardless, if he insists on the fact that there is nothing going on, then he should have no problem with you tagging along whenever they go out. Khair, it's still disrespectful and he should end it.
Getting a family member involved ... that could go either way.
Re: Should i be hurt?
yeah Sarah you're right actually...
Re: Should i be hurt?
My 2 cents on this:
Feroza first of all, I'm very sorry to hear about the foolish behaviour of your husband. It really makes me mad when I hear about people like that, regardless of whether they are men or women.
Because the core element and most vital and important aspect of a marriage is trust. Alhamdulillah, my wife and I really do have trust in each other 100%. We can and do talk about everything that comes to our minds or where we feel that we should discuss it with each other.
One of the secrets of our successful relation is: "No secrets" and we really follow that motto.
As I understand it, you seem to have lost that trust in your husband which is understandable considering what he is doing.
But in order to keep your chance for a happy future in your married life you will need to get that trust back sooner or later. And your husband should put every possible effort into that. I really hope that he realizes this soon, isA.
I agree with Sarah that involving someone who is very close to both of you, might be a good idea.
And I like that SMS and calling idea too. You should really do that for a while. But at the same time tell him that it would make you happy if he calls you during office hours too (without you calling or SMSing him first).
Re: Should i be hurt?
feroza,
It's not what you say to him that will turn him around. It's how you handle the situation. If you involve someone into this now it can backfire. He might get embarrassed or agitated and this may push him away further. In other words you don't want to do anything that will leave a grudge but at the same time he should know that you'll not give in to any kind of ch*****giri in order to protect your marriage and family no matter what. He will actually admire that in the long run.
So be calm and composed and affirmative and reveal to him with grace that he is an ullu ka patha. That the other woman is using him because she's going through a bad relationship and needs someone on her side so he should stop thinking he's some kind of suddenly-born-again prince charming and a gift to the women of earth. Also tell him that if he will continue with this, he WILL lose you and in the end that woman will leave him too (You can bet your money She WILL).
Don't pester him but at the same time constantly remind him of the above. If this does not work out then leave him for few days/weeks/months and go your maikay etc. Ulla ka patha gotta come back when delivery is due.
As far as your trust is concerned, well don't be too drastic. These sorta things happen to a lot of couples and relationships. We're all fallable by default and work hard everyday to keep that up. For some of us that fallability comes in the form of a woman/man for others it might be the both (I'm kidding, I'm kidding). Some of us do fall here and there, which is bad but not as bad as long as they don't keep falling over and over again. Years from now you both might even laugh over the whole thing and he might lean over and look into your eyes and say " uff feroza meiN kitna baRa ulla ka patha tha" and you might reply, "it's ok. It's my duty as your patni to kick you in the balls to keep you from falling and I'll do it whenever the chance arises (no pun)".
Re: Should i be hurt?
i agree with everyone else here...but this geezer ^ seems to know his stuff, follow his advice
just stay strong
Re: Should i be hurt?
Roman -- Where have you been hiding. Btw excellent advice.
feroza -- The best of luck to you. InshAllah it will all work out.
Re: Should i be hurt?
Roman 
mein aay ho jiaN yaariaN chud dainiaN nay
Marriage is a commitment but some people just want to have their cake and eat it too. It is not that there is something wrong with you or you are missing a ‘quality’ …so don’t get into any kind of complex. Nobody is perfect and people who get into marriage expecting everything from their spouse are idiots.
As for your husband, I think you’ve got good advice already….don’t involve a third person..don’t confront his girl friend…don’t go out of your way spying on him. All you can do is make the guy realize the bond he shares with you and kuch sharam dilao…the only way he will treat you like a wife is when he accepts you as one.
Re: Should i be hurt?
Feroza,
Your husband and your marriage needs your help. Your husband needs your help to save him from another woman -- he is being used. Approach the situation as of protector (of your marriage/relationship) rather than a victim.
Imagine if the situation was reversed and you were making a mistake, wouldn't you want your spouse/lover to be there for you and SAVE you from making that mistake?
Sometimes spouses/partners/lovers are too proud to ask for help or intervention but are grateful for it later.
Re: Should i be hurt?
:k: This is precisely why I’m against involving others in personal matters.
Roman, you were missed!!!
Re: Should i be hurt?
Roman? I almost fell off my chair! Lovely piece of advice.
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Long live Roman !! :k:
but do find a moment to kick his a$$
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You live up to your name
Great advice roman, :k:
Goodluck Feroz. My Allah keep u strong.
Re: Should i be hurt?
Feroza,
You've got a massive responsibility on your hands and your whole demeanor and method of treatment can make or break this relationship.
Right now, you have no ABSOLUTE proof that this is an affair. You have not caught them in any physical acts. You've only seen some messages and e-mails, etc.
You've already talked to him, and he's already given a response to you. Now you need to be firm. He's not stopping his meetings with this lady. The first thing I would suggest if I were in your position in a COOL AND CALM manner, is to casually suggest that if he's so close to this woman, then why not invite her to your home for dinner?
I know you probably will hate looking at her face, but just keep in mind that you probably associated with other men in FRIENDSHIPS before marriage too (during marriage maybe, I dunno much about your life of course).
See what his reaction to that is - I'm sure it will totally catch him off guard.
If he refuses - well you have this girl's phone number I presume from his cell-phone. Why don't YOU give her a call and invite her over? Talk to her and see what is going on.
There's definitely NO NEED to hide this friendship from you. You need to make that clear to both of them, that you don't mind that they are friends, but just the FACT that they're hiding it would tell anyone that there might be an affair going on. I would say this to the girl's face.
After all this confrontation, if things get worse THEN I would indeed involve family members into all this. At that point, have proof - print out his e-mails, forward his sms messages to your phone or take pictures of the phone with the messages on them. Also maybe hire someone to follow him and take pictures of his daily activities. See where he goes and what he's doing.
Then take his ass to court and make into the century's biggest lawsuit. Make sure at least 3/4 of his income is coming into your pocket every month after a possible divorce.
I'm not even remotely trying to be funny about this. You wouldn't want your kids to find out that mummy took her beating silently while daddy had his fun?
Re: Should i be hurt?
… just perfect …
Re: Should i be hurt?
That post made me wonder if mods need to remove the “Quote” button for certain people 
Re: Should i be hurt?
well well well....
What an overwhelming response in less than 24 hours!
You guys have been absolutely brilliniant in your concern for me and my situation....Like real brothers and sisters so i feel u deserve to know what the outcome of this situation was yesterday and the breakdown briefly.
Alhumdullilah things are looking up again and I think i have my same husband back the one I know, love and trusted before....turns out she is a bit possesisive about this friendship.
I was in mental torture yesterday and needed to drop my kid off to nursery so gave my hubby a call and said that i needed to go out somewhere and have a chat somewhere private after dropping my kid off. He agreed.
So we met up at his workplace during lunch break.
We discussed every issue under the sun relating to our mariage what they used to talk about what she asked him what he asked her, if there was anything lacking in our relationshiop which made him meet up with her. If there was anything i needed to change about myself, the environment of the house....
It was a very clearcut and no nonsense discussion.
He was honest...i think.....(trust is not my forte right now but i would like to give the benefit of the doubt), and it seemed to me that he was just extending a hand of friendship as she needed to discuss some of her issues, but had taken this friednship too far. She is becoming a bit possessive about this friendship, something he had begun to realise too recently especially after the e-mails, sms etc.
Now my hubby dioesnt know i have been checking his mails isnce this faiasco.
Yesterday i checked and there was a fresh mail from her. Apparently she called up my hubby again yesterday and he was a bit to the point, i cant talk to u right now im with my wife/family (actually we were not) and she didnt take this too well..She had written so much bakwvaas in the mail like so what if ur wife is with you, pehle tumhe uski kya kabhi yaad nahin ayi what r u trying to do avoid me? blah blah blah . It sounded like tantrum from an over possessed freak and ended with I HATE YOU.
I asked my hubby if he had had any contact with her, in the last day or so to which he replied no, but said i think ur right she is too clingy about this friendship i am going to tell her today my wofe does not approve of it and will end this mess today. i didnt realise she was taking my shoulder (to cry on) so seriosuly. My wife and family are of utmost importance to me , i dont care what she thinks or says, im will end it today.
Today is a new day, i will ask him if he came face to face with her today.
Things are looking up Alhumdullilah and i think we have got ridden of her once and for all.
I explaned to my husband that perhaps it was innocent friendship on ur part but u still encouraged something wrong by going out with her alone. It gave her the green signal.
We acnt blame this whiole situation entirely on her, u r also to blame big time.
He realised his foolishness and Alhumdullilah last night i slept like a baby for the first time in days!!!
Re: Should i be hurt?
chelo anty mubarik hoo .... aap ki to nikel peri ;) .... m so happy for ya !! m glad he's bak at u yar ... i mean seriouly , GULS TAKE TOO MUCH OUTA FRINDSHIP lol so yea .. yall guls need to settle down !!! n anty g .. we hope to see u more often. aight so u have fun n May God keep ur home a real blessing . Allah hafiz . n thnx for sharing !
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no SUGER !! anty saab ... i m glad that ur happy n bak to life again :)