PS squared I agree with every single word that you wrote and this is exactly how I have been approaching this whole thing. I dont let any side try to wind me up against the other. I told my parents if u ask me to choose, id choose her n if my wife asked me to choose, id choose my parents. I have already arranged for separate accommodation for us even tho we had enough place in our parents. I did that without her even mentioning it or askin me abt accommodation bcz i felt that was d right thing to do. So im not expectin her to lick my parents feet. I even told her, my parents r my parents, not hers n she got married to me, not them. Similarly, her parents r her parents, not myn. Not ideal but v have to do it.
On the other hand, i wudnt tolerate her tryin to manipulate me or tel me her parents r right n myn r wrong. i found it insulting when she tried to manipulate me. Its like d oda person is thinkin ur stupid n wudnt know wat dey r tryin to do. I know all des games n im too clever for dat. im I am wonderin now that may b im givin her too much jus in an attempt to make her feel secure, loved n happy. i think all dat is her right but she has duties aswel which she seems oblivious to. I get d impression that she thinks im doin all this bcz im so madly in love with her n cant live without her which is far from reality. If i cud get outa it, i wud. I dont love her(YET) n im tryin to find sum common ground so v can fall in luv in future. Then again, i do make her feel like i love her n shes d best thing since slice bread. I think a wife shud feel dat way n its her right to be treated like dat but im scared what if this approach backfires in future. She makes me laff when she thinks dat im doin al dis cz i miss her too much or love her too much.
Sometimes i wish i cud jus say luk im doin it cz i think v need to workhard so v can b happy togeda AND I expect her to put effort into our relationship jus like i am instead of takin it for granted but i cnt say dis to her n she is not lookin at it from dat point of view. She just thinks im madly in love n i dnt wana ruin her happines by tellin her im not. THEREFORE, It seems to me dat shes takin it all for granted. so may b i shud hold back n make her work for it, instead of her takin it for granted?
Makin me question if its a gud idea to be too overly nice or ring her too often. So confusing.
GSUK,
When you work on your relationship, it doesnt mean just being nice to the person. Its complete, total and bare honesty...in all its glory. If you go see a marriage counselor, he/she will not tell you to just sweet talk and make each other feel all warm and fuzzy. They will tell you to be open and blunt about your feelings, vocalize all and any issues, troubleshoot them together and come to a conclusion. Yes, making her feel loved is a good thing BUT look what you've done: you've led her to believe you are madly in love with her, she is overconfident now and is saying things about your parents in front of you thinking you wont stop her because you love her so much. By the same token, you've also made it okay for your parents to not have good relations with your inlaws. Agar meethi meethi baatein karne se hi ghar banney hotey to ghar tootein kyun?
Being nice doesnt mean saying nice things to her. It means being good to her. Good doesnt always equal mushiness. For instance, taking an interest in her hobbies, life, friends, lifestyle, etc. Being good to her also means arguing with her about certain things and coming to some sort of a conclusion about it. Being good also means helping her figure out what she will do when she gets here.
AND it also means helping her realize her mistakes and where she is going wrong.
WHen you are looking for an honest opinion about something like your work, clothes, look, etc....you go to your family because they care enough to be honest with you.
Remember, husband and wife are together for better and for worse.