Should i be a loving or controling husband?

You are not going through something unheard of.

It is good that you do care for your wife as well. Make a plan for a good life, you will get it if work for it.

Just ignore and forgive your family members. No need to disrespect them since they may be in different mindset that's all. *Respecting does not mean agreeing.
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Try not to tell everything what happens in between you and your family or any dispute over her. Her ignorance of the matter will be her bliss...and eventually yours.

And by the way, don't count on her being sensible, if she is sensible then it is a bonus. She had nothing to do with, when you agreed to marry her on your family wish.

There are women who would come back and say (not necessarily your wife): "Did I ask you to listen to your family and marry me without knowing me?"

This could hurt a man and make them regret their decision, even though those women are justified in saying this.

So take her all the way in to your heart and forget what anyone says unless you don't want to for any real big reason.