Okay so I am born and bred in the US and this sort of thing is not one I’d ignore myself. Hot tub with ladies, doling out expensive gifts to female friends, plastering them on Facebook…while chatting me up as well? What is he, stupid? I’d tell him to find me when he gets p diddy out of his system
Now that you’ve painted a more accurate picture, I’d suggest you not get too invested in this. He thinks you’re naive and will go along with whatever he does because you’re from Pakistan.
I regret not fully explaining it, those hot tub pictures and gifts were posted before we really started looking each other. Ever since we’ve had a thing going ~8-9 months, he hasn’t posted anything of that nature. More so just him at parties with his friends and other generic things. I feel so ashamed for talking like this about him but I really appreciate your guys help with this situation.
The fact is..even if he did it before its still in your mind? Thats why you brought it up… He still parties…he might just have just smartened up and not be posting those pics? but instead of more sensible pics…
OP you need to have a very frank discussion with him about your expectations before you move forward. Be clear about what behaviours concern you and see how he responds. If you can’t be frank with this man then you really shouldn’t move ahead with the engagement. Good luck and I hope it all works out for you!
Okay so again…you have to be clear. You’ve just added more information to this picture. That he did this in his past. I would not be able to judge accurately because I don’t know him personally.
You have to ask yourself if you’re okay with his past and if he has indeed changed. And also, the things you find questionable are things ANY woman (Muslim or non-Muslim, Pakistani or not) would find questionable. So don’t doubt your gut instincts because you’re not in America. The rules change a little but not by much. Couple who are committed/dating/engaged/married don’t do this sort of thing. People flirt, hangout and do all sorts of crazy things…but not people who are in serious relationships or have committed to someone.
two things that’s bothering you are:
his spending habits
his lifestyle
since he is single with no responsibilities on his shoulders, its alright if he spends carelessly. Also, everyone spends according to what they make or get. the terms like too much or expensive are also relative.
A same item can be considered expensive by you and reasonable to someone else.
spending habits change according to your stage in life. generally people become careful with their spending once they start a family.
now coming on your second concern i.e. his lifestyle. I have seen people marrying to each other and living happily, who are from different religions, sects and/or culture. But, in all such cases they are deeply and madly in love with each other. and that is that level of love and the feelings that both willingly and happily accept each other with all the differences and shortcomings. From your post, it is evident that neither of you are at that stage in this relationship and hence in my view it is not realistic to think that one can entirely change himself/herself for the other person or start to happily accept the differences. It just can’t happen.
The different lifestyle is not a small thing when it comes to marriage and if you come across a guy who does’t have similar values and lifestyle as yours then i don’t think its wise to go ahead.
I don’t think you two are compatible enough for each other, he will not change his lifestyle for you and you will be upset and you will keep on nagging him about it and he will be upset.
Looks like he wants to have his cake and eat it too. Have fun with the women there and marry a nice shareef girl from back home. Not good, Like Red velvet said he won’t want to give up on the fun part after shaadi too if he is not willing to give it up now.
Heard somewhere, don’t tell the guys what you expect them to do because they might just do it to make you happy at the time but not really mean it. Instead just be around and observe how they act/react and make your decision based on that. There are too many red flags in your scenario.
Awwww … bless your little besharam soul 
