Re: Should I accept him?
I really hope so, as we are getting quite serious about our relationship.
Re: Should I accept him?
So if you pose like that the way he did with another guy thats a “friend”… he has no problem with it?
If thats the case and he can’t understand ask him what he considered the line you shouldn’t cross?
Re: Should I accept him?
As much as I don’t want to be confrontational, I think this is something I’m going to have to do.
Re: Should I accept him?
The reason to ask that question is to gauge what he considers acceptable and to determine for you how far he will go. And if that’s something you can/can’t accept. From there you can determine if you can ignore/accept/live with his lifestyle choices, or if he will stop doing/living his partying lifestyle now…aka what third string was saying if he’s able to change… (even now when he’s single)…there’s one thing of not being able to understand. But you can still explain to him that even though its okay in his culture, its unacceptable in yours. And thats something you don’t like about western culture. If after all this deliberation he’s not willing to change..or understand what your spittin, and you can’t live and accept his lifestyle.. Than we have what you called a good old deal breaker.
Re: Should I accept him?
Ok. So he is 26 and he is a trainee plastic surgeon in the UK? did he tell you he was a trainee plastic surgeon or he wants to be a plastic surgeon? At 26, he is more likely to be in his internship (foundation year 1 or 2) and there is a big difference between doing an internship (a very junior clerking job) on a plastic surgery ward and a ‘trainee plastic surgeon’ (registrar, usually ST3 onwards, which is FOUR years from foundation level, most people reach that level by 29/30 years of age at the earliest)
So either he is not a trainee plastic surgeon (yet) or he is not 26. You have to be tad bit more careful and make sure there is no lie involved at such an early stage.
Re: Should I accept him?
Yes I totally agree with you, his actions will basically depict my entire future really. He’s not a bad guy, I just think with a little patience and an agenda, I’m sure he will come around and understand how I’m not comfortable with his lifestyle. Thank you 
Re: Should I accept him?
Yea he is currently doing his FY2. He regularly travels to do Plastic surgery internships in America, and like mentioned before, often comes to Pakistan to paediatric wards to learn about cleft lips and all that, basically comes to volunteer. I do apologise, I definitely should have phrased it better. And he is dead set on Plastic Surgery.
Re: Should I accept him?
If you know which hospital he works at, let me know and I can run some background checks on him.
Re: Should I accept him?
Thank you, I appreciate that. However, I would not want to interfere with his work, it’s just not my place. I do admire your concern, however, my family have already done their checks, and speak to his family regularly (because as I mentioned, his mother moved back to Pakistan). Thank you though
Re: Should I accept him?
how does he get all this time to go to Pakistan and America whilst doing something like a UK internship? maybe he went there during his student days whilst on a gap year, I went to Africa for some volunteer work.
he may be a junior doctor but it seems he has a tendency to proliferate and exaggerate things to make him look better/show off, which may not come across the way intended.
Re: Should I accept him?
Yes, his initial intention was to go to America, so as he was preparing for his USMLE, during the end of second and fourth year he went for internships in America for the attending’s references. However, due to some unforeseen circumstances, he wasn’t able to do his USMLE. But in the past 1.5 years ish he’s came 3 times, only for a couple days each. I understand how you think he’s slightly pretentious, that’s what I thought too, I thought he was lying, but nope all the credentials checked out. Perhaps as my english is not as good, I may be exaggerating by accident?
Re: Should I accept him?
Don’t worry about things like partying, having girlfriends, swimming in unisex pools etc, there are very normal things and we all did it. It does not mean he will not be faithful to you after marriage. It may be a very different culture and lifestyle to you, but very normal here. If this is such a big issue, either go for a more conservative, ghettoised British Muslim (from Bradford or Birmingham) or marry from Pakistan.
Re: Should I accept him?
Yes, to be honest that is what I am slightly concerned about, faithful after marriage. I just feel like he is the one, he’s such a sweetheart I just hope we’d be able to adjust to each other. Thank you for your concern, I really appreciated that
Re: Should I accept him?
No it looks he is OK after your clarification, just the usual ambitious cocky young doctor who is interested in surgery and starts calling himself a surgeon even before graduation. I was very similar, but left surgical training after some time as the long on-call nights and ruthless rosters got the better of me.
I still feel it may be too early to get married, have you thought about specialisation?
Re: Should I accept him?
That seems nosy af
Re: Should I accept him?
To be honest, I feel like I am ready for marriage. And as for specialisation, he told me that if I want to work, he’d recommend becoming a GP, as it would be probably an easier speciality to get into, however, I’d either prefer not to work or just do part time, he’s left the decision to me if we did further things
Re: Should I accept him?
Professional camaraderie
Re: Should I accept him?
IF he is a genuine guy then I wouldn’t worry about the other stuff. Marriage changes the most stubborn of people. If you two are interested in each other, have compatibility, he cares about you and wants to make a life with you…all of the rest will fall by the wayside. Things that do NOT change are: disrespectful behavior, rudeness, anger issues, violence, etc. What you’re referring to are single-life habits of a guy who has more money than he knows what to do with. So he spends it on life and luxuries. When he has kids, that money will automatically be funneled in their direction. When he gets married, that time will automatically be spent with his wife. With decent and genuine people, these changes DO occur. With assholes, they don’t.
Re: Should I accept him?
I think it is not a bad option. I think things might work out for you two. Again, as I said before, his lifestyle should not be a deal breaker as I have seen guys with similar ways marrying from Pakistan and leading happy married lives.
Good luck.
Re: Should I accept him?
Thank you for typing that out, Reha. He is definitely well mannered, and you can tell he has been brought up correctly. I hope you’re certainly correct about him changing, as some of my friends aren’t too keen on his lifestyle, whereas others love it, so even my own friends are making me double minded lol