Re: Should I accept him?
See…NOW…we all have a better idea about why you are concerned. If you had mentioned the detail about the hot tub earlier…then perhaps even those people who are encouraging you to marry him…would hesitate a bit.
Listen to your gut. When it’s warning you about something…pay attention. Don’t dismiss it. Just because a guy lives abroad and is in the medical profession like you doesn’t automatically make it the best rishta. Look at whether or not your moral values are compatible.
He has admitted to you that he knows fully well that his lifestyle is NOT kosher. Woh is baat ko maan’ta hai. So, if he knows that something is wrong…then he should stop right away…no? What is the sense in continuing something that your own zameer does not agree with until you get a wife? That’s like indirectly saying…I don’t feel like giving it up yet. And human nature is such that first a person says…yeh kaam ho jaye then I will stop…and then jab woh kaam ho jaata hai…then the person says…nahi bachay ho jayen to then I will stop. So, it’s a matter of neeyat…will-power…and self-control, discipline.
There are people in this world who know that they engage in habits that are not right…and then they might try to compensate for it by doing charity or sadaqa or some other good deed. And it is true that when we commit a gunnah…we should try to follow it up with a good deed…but the condition or sharth…is that gunnah or buri aadat also has to stop.
It’s admirable and commendable that he does charitable works. But that can’t be used as compensation for habits that he is currently not only unwilling to drop…but he’s also using the reason of “youth” as a way to dismiss it.
Yes, I understand. It’s not so much me just rushing it with him, as I know plenty of male doctors here in pakistan too whose families I know very well if I wanted a rishta with them. It’s more so the fact that, and as ashamed as I am to admitting it, I just love his personality when I talk to him. I just find him really charming and perhaps that is how I’m becoming blind to all these red flags. I think I should definitely have a serious talk with him yet again.
