Should I accept him?

[ayeshasha123]

Re: Should I accept him?

@redvelvet

No, it’s not strange at all. Have you ever heard of the saying, “When in Rome, do as the Romans do”…? People do manage to make changes to adjust to the environment around them. Again, nothing weird about that.

Okay, so he attends parties. He has female friends. But by your own own admission, you also have male friends. So, what exactly is the problem? He neither smokes nor drinks. But you are concerned about his partying and his female friends but you haven’t explained exactly what bothers you. I feel that you’re being vague about it. What are you seeing in his FB pictures? Is his body language a little “too close” or too flirtatious or too intimate with the girls? Or are you worried about the type of company that he keeps in the pictures? Are the girls in the pics scantily dressed? Are the comments on his FB inappropriate? What exactly is the issue that has you so worried enough to create a thread?

You shouldn’t be so shocked that he behaves differently in Pakistan. Zaahir hai, it’s a different mahol. But the more worrying thing is that if a person believes that certain lifestyle choices are not right…then they should stop as soon as possible as opposed to setting marriage as a pre-requisite for stopping as that doesn’t quite make sense. It’s kinda like saying, “Oh I’ll stop smoking once I get a wife.” It only shows that one doesn’t really want to give it up and is looking for a way to delay it…and sometimes the behavior continues even after the pre-requiste condition has been met.

When this guy tells you that he’ll “stop after marriage”…why don’t you ask him this question: “If you believe that this lifestyle is not right due to religious reasons or whatever reason, then why wait until marriage to stop? Why is marriage a pre-requisite condition?” And then see what he says.

You can also ask him what his expectations of a wife are? What is he looking for in a partner? What his life goals are? Ask him how he handles conflicts as they are a part of every relationship. This would provide more insight into whether or not you both are compatible.

My apologies about being vague. Yes his pictures are him very close to girls, in an incredibly flirtatious way. And because these pictures are at parties, the girls are only covering like 20% of their bodies or another example is of him in a hot tub with many other women and buying them very expensive gifts. His friends and his company seem like decent people, they are all his friends from medical school, so no funny business there. Yes, I’ve mentioned I have male friends, but I’d never do something like what he does with them. He says the reason why he doesn’t want to stop now is because he is still young, and just wants to live a little before settling down for good.
And it’s not only about his female friends. It’s also like I mentioned his spending habits.
The main quest of this thread was to get first hand experience from Pakistani women who had married a western Pakistani and how they adjusted to the surroundings.