should he know?

NaMaan · February 23, 2009, 6:52am

Re: should he know?

Do some cost benefit analysis. What is more important ... he being told about it or future life of child and married life of couple ??

All people who knows about it need a closure and for that they can talk to the lady. Ask her if she repent her actions and is fully dedicated to her new relationship. If she is positive about it than just cover her sins and God will cover your sins ... inshaAllah.

sumorani · February 23, 2009, 6:52am

Completely agree. Just remember this situation is very complicated cuz of the other sisters marriage in the same family.

meher1982 · February 23, 2009, 7:05am

yes u are right. in hudood cases the witnesses should be men, muslim,adult and rigteous. and they should have seen the sin commited with their own eyes. and should all bear witness in the court at the same time/session.. if any of these conditions is missing, hadd punishment can not be imposed.

this is a very very strict criteria and almost impossible to meet. this is the sole reason that not a single person had been punished with hadd on witness in the period of the Holy Prophet (p.b.u.h).all the punishments had been based on confession

meher1982 · February 23, 2009, 7:09am

no this is the case for matters other than hudood e.g financial or family issues. for proving a hadd u have to have four witnesses, all of them should be men.

hanibal · February 23, 2009, 7:21am

I agree, these four ppl ( if every thing is real, as now u have created doubt in my mind about the existence of the situation, more likely a filmy one) have their equal share in this mess...

inta_habibi · February 23, 2009, 7:27am

Re: should he know?

i heard abt this one man who got married to a "nice" girl and found out a few weeks into the marriage that she was pregnant from before their wedding. he did not keep it to himself, told the family and ended up getting divorced.

this is a very serious case that could ruin multiple lives. i believe it;s too late to tell him although he does have the right to know. but it's only gonna make a negative impact on the couple's relationship and the family.

Bonbonniere · February 23, 2009, 11:41am

Re: should he know?

Ummmmmmmmmmm...it also depends on who she cheated with? I mean, if the cheatee is someone with blonde hair and blue eyes then the girl has some explaining to do in the delivery room.

Cant blame everything on nature unless the husband is one to be easily fooled.

Sara516 · February 23, 2009, 1:31pm

Re: should he know?

^Uh no i think in this case the woman is totally to blame. Sheesh!

Mirch · February 23, 2009, 1:52pm

Depends who is asking or dieing to tell the hubby or family of her hubby. If one of these people are dieing to tell someone then they should go in the jungle and tell the trees and animals of jungle.
If She is dieing to tell someone I guess she has already done that , how else four other people will know if she did not tell one or four of them.
She does not need to tell anybody , one of these four people in some way or the form will tell someone else and then that someone else will that someone else and eventually hubby and his family and neighbors and soon the whole village will find out.

Mamaof3 · February 23, 2009, 2:22pm

Re: should he know?

The way I see it, she should have called off the wedding but thats spilt milk now yeah? Since she told a few people, her secret is a secret no more and it will come out eventually.

Its a very sad and potentially tragic situation. As a friend the best thing you can do is to tell her that her "secret" is going to be found out at one time or another so she should adjust and plan accordingly. Leave it to her to decide how she wants to handle it. But perhaps let her know that the real father of her child has a right to know about his child and her husband has every right to know that it isnt his.

The thing is, perhaps her marriage is happy. But her dark secret is known and will become known by more people over time. Does she want to let this thing fester or better to face it straight away. The way I see it, her very life could be in danger here so she needs to think very carefully about what to do and how to handle it.

Mirch · February 23, 2009, 2:29pm

You nailed it. This can be a bitter reality too. She and others around her who know have to be careful about all . This two lives are depending on this secret now.

Deeba1234 · February 23, 2009, 3:05pm

Yes, the witnesses need to have seen the actual penetration taking place. The conditions are v.strict.

Mamaof3 · February 23, 2009, 3:23pm

Re: should he know?

With the advent of DNA testing, there will be no question whatsoever about who is the father of the child.

Bonbonniere · February 23, 2009, 3:34pm

Mamaof3:

The way I see it, she should have called off the wedding but thats spilt milk now yeah? Since she told a few people, her secret is a secret no more and it will come out eventually.

Its a very sad and potentially tragic situation. As a friend the best thing you can do is to tell her that her "secret" is going to be found out at one time or another so she should adjust and plan accordingly. Leave it to her to decide how she wants to handle it. But perhaps let her know that the real father of her child has a right to know about his child and her husband has every right to know that it isnt his.

The thing is, perhaps her marriage is happy. But her dark secret is known and will become known by more people over time. Does she want to let this thing fester or better to face it straight away. The way I see it, her very life could be in danger here so she needs to think very carefully about what to do and how to handle it.

What she said.

Bonbonniere · February 23, 2009, 3:35pm

Of course she is to blame. I meant that she might be able to fool her husband about the time of conception by blaming it on nature but not other things like the baby's features and whatnot.

Bonbonniere · February 23, 2009, 3:36pm

Re: should he know?

I really dont understand how and why people screw up their own lives like this.

Deeba1234 · February 23, 2009, 3:40pm

Re: should he know?

^ Yep, of course. I imagine a lot of women would have an abortion if they're worried about paternity issues, obviously not right but they're too scared to deal with the situation and with non-desis (and some desis) it's far easier to tell what with different hair and eye colours (I know it's not definitive proof but it often leads father to doubt and then ask for dna test). Also, imagine child or father gets ill and they get tested and it comes out later they don't share genes.

Does the baby's real father know? I kinda feel he has the right but then again as others have pointed out it's a very sticky situation. Is she definately sure that hubby isn't the father? I mean she may have slept with 2 of them within a short time frame. So many questions....

Monk · February 23, 2009, 3:56pm

OH MY EFin Gosh.
I am back to virgin only mode!!!!!!!
holy shyttttt
Let me guess what must have happend to your friend. she was obsessed whit he Ex.(idiot)
Ex didn't give Shyt!!!!!!
1-He(idiot) did your frind just b4 wedding
2-did with out protection.
3-didn;t find you frind good enough to marry.

But girl wanted his baby any ways, Because sucker(hubby) who is willing to provide girl for rest of her life is just not good enogh for the the girl.
So pretty much she wanted to have idiots baby.
You know Sucker should back off!!!!!!
girl and idiot deserve each other.

WOMEN!!!!!!!!!!
my god!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PS: how the F is this "fling"

Monk · February 23, 2009, 3:56pm

lol
mama stop watching jerry springer.

Mirch · February 23, 2009, 4:05pm

Re: should he know?

At the end of the day. He might accept this woman and the baby, there is no dearth of good people in this world. But only if she comes out clean and be honest and open to him . In desi community this is a big sin and big no no, so nobody knows how things are going to unfold in case she tell him or he finds out some how. But hiding it is not a good option. He will come to know specially when four other people know. People in the know will keep multiplying that I am sure of.