If you are a sunni, would you be open to marry a shia person and vice versa?
If yes, what would you teach your kids? Which sect to follow when it comes to praying, ramazan etc. How would you deal with the psychological issues a kid has to deal with regards to his/her identity?
If not, then why not? Aren’t we all muslims?
(Inspired from Kehta hai dil program on Geo.)
Re: Shia / Sunni Marriages
Hehe, I saw that program… 
I thought the guy that was a son of a shia/sunni - the one that was saying he goes to the masjid closest to his home regardless of whether its shia/sunni - he was a cutie. 
I love guys who have a good dose of common sense in them!
The only reason why I would be hesitant to marry a shia, is because I’m not comfy with the Matham rituals. I don’t think they’re quite Islamic frankly, since I think the Quran and even hadith emphasize not to torture yourself or hurt your body.
But if I find someone who is Shia and he’s not into Matham either and he can promise me (i.e. on the darn nikkahnama) that he wont subject my kids to that - then I’ll marry him anyday.
Edit that - I’m talking about the violent bloody mathams. If they wanna beat their palms against their chest then well, whatever rocks their boat. But none of this slamming your head with chains, etc.
Re: Shia / Sunni Marriages
Yea, I just saw the program. I think the host is a very bright girl. She asks rights questions at the right time. The other girl I like is the one from Uljha Suljhan...she makes her point in a very subtle way. There is hope I guess :-)
I can see your concern Gudia. That's the whole idea of the post. Can we look beyond what is apparent (matham for example) and see eachothers as muslims. Are we tolerant enought to let the kid decide what is right and what is wrong and let him be... till he/she is capable of choosing his/her own path.
Re: Shia / Sunni Marriages
I have no problem in doing that - I'll raise him/her with the Quranic knowledge - and unlike most desi Parents, I want him to read the Quran with meaning the first time 'round he reads the Quran!
I'm not too hot about hadith, but if he/she grew up holding hadith as being sacred, then let him/her - they'll be answerable to God as will I.
But matham I have a problem with because you're violently hurting yourself. Just like I wouldn't want them using drugs and would be really harsh with them if they did....just like I wouldn't want my daughter or son having sex because they're hurting themselves in the long run...just like I wouldn't want my kids to be masochists, because they're hurting their own bodies...
likewise, I think matham is a very big issue. I'm surprised no one raised the topic in the show. But like I said, if they want to just use the palm of their hands, then that's fine. I don't think even in Shia faith, an individual IS REQUIRED to use violence...so, its not like I'm really opposing Shia principles by asking that much.
Re: Shia / Sunni Marriages
From my own experience I think you should be open to hadith as well. It's an added resource to understand Quran. I am reading Quran again with translation and to tell you the truth, I don't get most of it since I don't totally comrehend the literal word to word translation. I want to know why this ayat was revealed and under what circumstances? You can't just get that from reading Quran. Reading an ayat on it's own could be open to various interpretations. Just my two cents.
Back to the topic, what you see on TV is an exagerrated view of matham..I have shia friends and I don't see blood in their house during moharam. It's just a form of expression..some people are more expressive than others. You can teach your kid to pick a moderate ground i.e. if he chooses to follow shia teachings. Or is that too much ot ask? :-)
Re: Shia / Sunni Marriages
Shia families do not marry their daughters into Sunni families while they dont have qualms getting sunni girls into their fold (I have heard). So basically, its the question posed to sunni girls whether they will marry a Shia boy.
Doesnt apply to me to answer. I will read the discussion, however.
Re: Shia / Sunni Marriages
Can someone confirm this comment?
Let’s try to figure out why shia sunni are hesitant integrating with eachother. Hopefully, we can keep this discussion civil and nail down the major differences.
(Nothing wrong with being different…but it is good to know the facts).
Re: Shia / Sunni Marriages
I agree with you. We should get facts and discuss it scientifically. I know following few things about shias which make me drift away from them:
1- They do not believe in the finality of Prophethood.
2- They do not pray five times a day.
3- They do not fast on the timings same as sunnis.
4- They do not pay zakat.
5- Matam karna (as pointed out by PCG) Its not recommended as all of us have to die and we are not supposed to mourn like this.
Baqee abhee yaad naheen aa rahe.
Re: Shia / Sunni Marriages
I knew this Pakistani guy whose mother was Shia and father Sunni. They raised 50% of their (1.5 or 2.5) children as Shia and 50% of them as (other 1.5 or 2.5) sunnis. What I remember of them, they never argued or discussed any theological issues. They were quite content praying Shia way or Sunni way.
Why can’t we all be like this?
Re: Shia / Sunni Marriages
:halo: @ wadera
Personally, i have seen quite a few mixed marraiges including one where the mother is shia and the father sunni. their kids however, dont really know what they are, so they do abit of mix and match. IMO If you’re not into practicing, then mixed marrriages shouldnt really be a problem.
If you are a practicing shia/sunni on the other hand, it would be rather difficult to marry a spouse of another sect, unless both agree beforehand on which sect/faith the kids will follow. They may grow up having a better understanding of either side, however, it is likely to cause confusion as to which ruling to apply to a certain situation. For example, the differences in namaz, usool e fiqh, muharram, taqleed, ijtihad etc. condradict outright in both, hence to avoid these disagreements in the first place, people tend to stay away from inter faith marriages. generally speaking however, there is no hard and fast rule against shia/sunni marraiges from our side.
Re: Shia / Sunni Marriages
1 - totally false
2- false, we just combine zohar/asar and maghrib/isha
3- now who said the sunni timings are accurate? its basically from sunrise to sunset..sunnio ka sooraj 5 minute pehlay dhal jata hai thats all
4 - totally false
5 - i don’t want this to become a religious debate
btw fayz…even though you are sunni…you seem cool
Re: Shia / Sunni Marriages
sheraz, who would know more about shias than a non-shia. shia gals are hooot. i used to go to imam bara with my shia friends in isbd. oh those were the days.
yes, i would be okay with marrying a shia but not my parents. i hate the daqianoosiat.
Re: Shia / Sunni Marriages
Re: Shia / Sunni Marriages
This is not some shia sunni debate however, id like to clarify,
dope;
1) you're not the first to state as such, nevertheless you heard wrong.
2) the emphasis from wadera was actually on five.
Re: Shia / Sunni Marriages
dope..like i said ..Totally false
2 - It is recorded in your own hadith books that the Prophet used to offer prayers separately as well as combined at home and without any obstruction
Re: Shia / Sunni Marriages
Thanks for the replies. I think this is going in the right direction.
Ma mooli, I agree that practicing shia / sunnies would have a tough time living under one roof. But who are non-practicing shia sunni? Is that another sect? :-) I think what I am getting at is that if the differences are so significant then maybe one sect is not a muslim by definition, otherwise there should be a middle ground we could agree on. If you are knoweldegable about differences, could you elaborate on them?
Zalim, thanks for bringing up some of the issues
1) Sheraz hasn't disagreed on 'finality' on the prophet. Sheraz please correct me if I am wrong.
2) Ok, the info on 5 namazes was informative. Is the timing of namaz an issue to reject a girl/guy? I say it's better to pray 5 namazes than to skip a few but that's me.
3) So we agree that Shias pay zakat. There goes one misunderstanding out of the window.
4) Ok, let's not talk about Matham. Even though to me, it's just an added ritual to express your faith. How you do it is very much under your own control.
Sheraz, I know you are married but did you look at any sunni girls as potential rishta when you were looking. Since it is a personal question, you can choose not to answer this question however, if you do, then let us know what were your concerns (if any).
Re: Shia / Sunni Marriages
i've seen couple of people marrying into different fiqh, it does get kinda confusing though. .. like ma mooli said, if u r not practicing muslim or fiqh.. it wudn't really matter in the first place. and then its the level of comfort you have with different belief system.
personally, no i never wanted to marry into different faith or fiqh. i am more comfortable with familiar surrounding and belief system ( not that i think any religion or fiqh is not better than mine. more has to do with me being comfortable with it.)
Re: Shia / Sunni Marriages
if u love the person then it shouldnt matter - whether they worship Allah, Ali, Bajrangbali or Jesus..
Re: Shia / Sunni Marriages
Is the whole belief system different or the details? Are the details significant enough to get you out of your comfort zone? What I am hearing from you is ‘yes’.
Re: Shia / Sunni Marriages
shias absolutely believe in the finality of the Prophet, and the veracity of the Quran down to every last word of it. and given that the Quran mentions the Prophet as the last of them, there can be no debate on this issue between Muslims. secondly, another article of our faith is that Quran is the only infallible book, so any hadees should be compared against the Quran, if it is in keeping with the Quran then accept it, otherwise it is basically libel. most of the truly controversial stuff that both extremist shias and extremist sunnis say about each other comes from ahadith, both sides quote obscure ahadith from each other’s books, such as this one, quoted by dope. the equivalent to that would be shias believing that sunnis believe a goat ate a portion of the original Quran (nauzubillah), which apparently is a little believed sunni hadees. but i know sunnis dont believe in that.
the option to combine prayers is available to sunnis as well. it is sunnah of the Prophet, recorded in sahih sunni books, where the Prophet did combine his prayers, without being in travel or illness. what sunnis do say is that it is afzal to pray them awwal waqt (as soon as possible), something that shias believe in too. Which is why, the more religious shias tend to pray awwal waqt too, and then act a bit snooty towards us combiners. but the option is available to sunnis too. this was discussed in this thread that im quoting gupguppy from:
http://www.paklinks.com/gs/showthread.php?t=178868
zakat we do give, the deal with State Bank of Pakistan is that since shias have a different way of ascertaining the amount of zakat due, shias will not pay zakat through the banks, but privately.
matam is an issue that divides shias quite a bit, especially the bloody sort of matam. i dont believe that should be allowed, similarly shia religious ulema have discouraged any form of matam where blood is drawn, however there subcontinental version of muharram is more traditional than anything else, and pakistanis tend to be very fond of tradition.