If it were me…I’d have coughed to let her know I heard her.
Um, actually in America…Pakistani couples usually end up divorcing because of the in-laws as well. The MILs here do not straighten themselves out after drinking American water…if anything they try to sink in their claws a little deeper. Because “hayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyye…mein bilkul akeli hojaungi” or the famous “bivi kya agayi…amma ko to bilkul bhool gaya”. I don’t think I know anybody that hasn’t used the last one.
Sure they do…but that is a global problem. The MIL issue is in Pakistani blood…doesn’t matter if its America or Pakistan…The Saas doesn’t go anywhere. She’s always there…staring, judging, whispering in her son’s ears about how evil his wife is…even though she picked her out herself. Okay I admit…I’ve been watching some Pakistani dramas lately…lol.
Nadz...be nice to her in front of him. Not because you're acting. But because your behavior in front of your husband is what will come to your defense in case she tries to brainwash him later after you're gone. When he's not there...be as courteous as you can.
Oy… my dadi used to use that line all the time… and now my fiance’s mom has started using it. Why don’t MILs understand we’re not out to replace them and remove them out of their son’s life? They just have to learn to let their son grow up and let go just a little.
Marrying a gora admi seems more and more appealing the more I read these threads LOL.
not if the orphan has persecution issues and baggage too…
honestly folks, there is no sure fire way to ensure that you will not faces issues…what if you start off with a perfectly sane and “normal” individual and somewhere along the line he/she has a life changing episode that screws him/her up in the head? what then?
Good point! I know 1 desi couple where the guy is a orphan. His parents died in horrible car accident when he was in college. He’s on only child. Since the wedding, he pretty much considers her parents as his own…even calls them mom/dad. Whenever I deal with issues with my in-laws…I always think of her (the wife). :hinna: I guess grass always seems greener on the other side.
Hold on…lemme text my husband to see what he plans to do next…
That’s true…no guarantees in life no matter who you marry or where.
What is the difference nowadays in the culture? I don’t get this ideology. Pakistan is becoming more and more western as time goes…it makes no difference nowadays…the divorce rate in Pakistan is pretty nice and healthy too at this point. I had a family come to our home to meet my parents a few weeks ago…okay so this lady is going on and on about how unke ghar mein sharmo haya is huge. She said this because I guess she didn’t like my outfit (long kurta and leggings)…her own bahu joined us an hour later…in jeans and a sleeveless top. Dudette JUST got here…months ago. What cultural differences? Talaaq is given in Pakistan over just as petty of things…my own cousin got divorced over some stupid furniture her MIL wanted IN PAKISTAN. She has not set foot on American soil, ever. I mean, come on.
That's true...no guarantees in life no matter who you marry or where.
What is the difference nowadays in the culture? I don't get this ideology. Pakistan is becoming more and more western as time goes...it makes no difference nowadays...the divorce rate in Pakistan is pretty nice and healthy too at this point. I had a family come to our home to meet my parents a few weeks ago...okay so this lady is going on and on about how unke ghar mein sharmo haya is huge. She said this because I guess she didn't like my outfit (long kurta and leggings)...her own bahu joined us an hour later...in jeans and a sleeveless top. Dudette JUST got here...months ago. What cultural differences? Talaaq is given in Pakistan over just as petty of things...my own cousin got divorced over some stupid furniture her MIL wanted IN PAKISTAN. She has not set foot on American soil, ever. I mean, come on.
Whatever anybody is wearing where, I cannot imagine any non-desi American man deciding that his wife was not nice enough to his momma and so he was going to dump the wife and move in with momma. The idea is absurd. Savaal paida nahin hota.
Whatever anybody is wearing where, I cannot imagine any non-desi American man deciding that his wife was not nice enough to his momma and so he was going to dump the wife and move in with momma. The idea is absurd. Savaal paida nahin hota.
Doesn't matter why...the divorce rates the world over are in pretty close competition nowadays because of God knows what (another topic). My point is...America is Talaaqistan according to you. Pakistan ain't so far behind us. My friend works in a predominantly Arab school...the average man AND woman is on their second marriage. Not half...average. The idea that goray log can't stay married is quite archaic now...because neither can Pakistanis or Arabs. Its old news.
Doesn't matter why...the divorce rates the world over are in pretty close competition nowadays because of God knows what (another topic). My point is...America is Talaaqistan according to you. Pakistan ain't so far behind us. My friend works in a predominantly Arab school...the average man AND woman is on their second marriage. Not half...average. The idea that goray log can't stay married is quite archaic now...because neither can Pakistanis or Arabs. Its old news.
I guarantee you, my family has them beat: among 3 cousins and their parents, three siblings and my parents, we have racked up 13 divorces. One of those cousins has never married, and my brother is still working on his first marriage.
Really though Nadz...how hard is it to act nice to her in front of ur husband? Just do that and ur set for life. Whenever she tries to brainwash him, he'll think of the numerous times when you were being nice to her. I do feel for u...it's horrible living with someone who u know dislikes u. Even moreso when it's their home. Focus ur last few months on just showing ur husband how great u are...don't expect any compliments from him or anyone..but just do it...it'll stay on his brain when ur gone.
Thank her for organising ur cupboard and then go and organise her cupboard. But disorganise it a bit lol. If shez taking the mick out of u, 2 can play at that game. But don't be obvious like her, be sneaky. Feed her lots of fatty food that she likes, but don't eat any yourself and then tell her shez gained weight lol. But just pretend ur eating it or already have eaten it. Keep telling her that u like the food she cooks with her own hands, and that even when u follow her recipes u still don't have the magic like she does. She will get tired of cooking lol. Let her cook the main stuff n u do something easy n pretend like it took u ages to cook. For example use her left over mince meat n then top it with ready mashed potatoes. All u do is add water n then some ready grated cheese n bung it in oven lol. Take short cuts cos no point wasting ur effort with this ungrateful woman.
OK you do two things. one, take a more active part in the household chores and such. You are no longer a guest at this point, it is your house too and as far as I know you are not working, so you have the time. Be proactive in doing so, as if it were your own place. You are making tea for yourself, ask everyone around if they would like some too. Two, next time she throws a mean comment or whatever to you, literally laugh and walk away. I mean it, laugh, shake your head and slowly walk away. If you seriously feel like her comments are not warranted and are ridiculous, treat them as such: ridiculous behaviour not worth your time- Its so immature its something you actually laugh about, and you know its not true so you dont let it faze you- no need to be overly nice, just respectful and gracious. Respectful because you wont insult her back (ok, maybe you will kind of laugh in her face, but oh well) and gracious because you treat everyone there as if they were in your own house.
