She makes me so angry

Lifestyle Relationships
21

Re: She makes me so angry

"ahh the tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive....."
the sad part is that you are actually plotting to deceive your husband.

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Re: She makes me so angry

Wow i have been reading some of the replies and i must say most of you did a very good job and i did learn a lot so that i can pass it on on others.
But i still think you all are very hard on Nadz. Its very easy to say forget about it and just ignore it but the person who is in the situation and undergoing torture does not think rationally at that time. You can't think with clear mind (like all of us here are advising Nadz) when your MIL is tormenting and taunting you.

But what i do agree with is that you must have 100 % your husbands trust. Its easier when husband is fair and non biased but when it comes to parent (parents of husband) its very difficult for hubby to find balance because then he has to choose between wife and husband.
So as i said before its imperative that wife wins the trust of her hubby (vice versa also the case) and shares almost everything with him.

But not every husband is the same. Problem is that every situation is different. I have heard of husbands who are "mothers-boys" and I have seen it happening that the husband did divorce only because mother and sister pressurised the husband.

23

Re: She makes me so angry

I do not live with them anymore. I am so glad. I don’t think her actions were deliberate. I think she is just a bit clumsy and careless. What upset me was that she always thought she was right and never felt sorry for anything. Anyways, that is all in the past now.

Nadz… you need to think calmly and I really think you will benefit from being patient. Not too long ago I was upset with hubby for caring more about his family than me but now I am getting rewarded for my patience. Mashallah. He respects me for dealing with everything quietly and not creating any issues. He apologizes for putting me through all of that and he has changed a lot now. He speaks up for me even if it is things I don’t mind.

For example, Hubby and I were eating.. MIL brought a container, slammed it in front of me and asked me to put the left over food in it. Hubby and I were still eating so I moved the container to the side and continued eating and said “ji ammi.” Hubby got very upset and started explaining to his mom that she was being rude. I quietly said, “It’s ok. I don’t mind. It’s not a big deal.”
Was she a bit rude? Yes!
Did I react? No! Instead hubby appologized to me about it, said this is the reason he respects me and will never let go of me.
I did not react. I don’t let those things get to me because I loose respect if I do. Plus, I would constantly be frustrated if I were to let all these things get to me.
You need to evaluate whether you want respect and love in your relationship or constant competition… because you won’t make your MIL miserable, instead you will effect ur hubby, ur relationship, and your children.

24

Re: She makes me so angry

^ :k:

Pretty much the same happened when my in-laws started creating major drama right after our engagement. Always kept my cool and in the long run, it’s only made my marriage stronger.

25

Re: She makes me so angry

^ ya… I think if I would have been rude or did tit for tat.. I would not have a strong relationship with hubby now.

26

Re: She makes me so angry

hmmmmm ok im listening.

so what shall i do? thing is mil doesnt berate me infrnt of hubby. most f the time its just me. so if i dnt tell him either how will he even know? either i tell him myself ? or?

27

Re: She makes me so angry

THanks for the replies everyone.

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Re: She makes me so angry

Nadz, you are letting her push your buttons, if you continue to ignore her, she might stop one day. It wont be all entertaining when she sees you are not reacting at her tactics. Also, if she is not abusing you then just it go. Remember, you are leaving your husband in Pakistan until he can come over, that might be an year or even more. You have to leave your best impression on your husband i.e of a wife who is not complaining all the time. Play a safe and smart game, it will help you at the end.

29

Re: She makes me so angry

For your sake I cant wait till you move out. She is the one backbiting about you which is a serious sin and going through your things without your knowledge so she is in the wrong - just be the better person and don't do anything to get revenge or not make tea out of spite. Tea is just tea you will get sawab for the good you do. You can't control what other people do but you can control what you do and how you react.

Honestly, your hubby needs to realise his wife and mother just cannot get along and to preserve both relationships he should make a separate house for you.

30

Re: She makes me so angry

i was actually thinking of telling husband that mil is tryingto break us up ( which could be true) .

yes i know its wrong to lie. but its what she does. sits there and complains about me to husband. isnt that an indirect way ofndoing the same. il just tell him she drectly said it.

( or i can just be quiet- but that looks like im weak and a doormat)

31

Re: She makes me so angry

or may be you can be more proactive and start participating in the household activities and treating them as ur family and not as some evil created to destroy your life.

32

Re: She makes me so angry

You are still lucky to be called moti and all at your back (you again eavesdropped while she was talking to her daughter, didnt you? )

I wonder what if she hears you call her in front of your people.

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Re: She makes me so angry

You're not getting it Nadz. Being nice and looking like a doormat is the best revenge you can have against your MIL! Complaining about her and saying negative stuff about her to your husband will not win you any brownie points with him. Its going to be difficult for your husband to choose a side when BOTH sides are behaving the same way!

Sooo.....you need to stop caring about your MIL so much. Truly disliking someone doesn't mean you hate them.....it means you're indifferent towards their existence. Whether she's complimenting you or saying the most disgusting thing about you.......you should not actually care either way. Just smile and be polite. Shut down all your emotions when it comes to her.

Stop making decisions based on your emotions and think with your brain. Making your marriage stronger should be your primary goal & you should stop allowing your MIL to distract you from that. In front of your husband, treat your MIL with total respect. It's not about what you feel....it's about what your husband PERCEIVES your feelings to be. So learn to act!

You need to make him believe that despite all the past drama, no matter what your MIL currently does........you will treat her with respect and care for her. So next time your husband is around and you're making chai for him, make a cup for MIL and offer it to her IN FRONT of him. If you guys are eating dinner and you see your MIL's water or anything else (roti, sabzi whatever) running low........ask her nicely if she's like some more. In front of him, offer to help her clear the table, help with dishes, cook whatever. If she complains of not feeling well, when he's there, ask about her health and if there's anything you can do to make her comfortable. Kill her with kindness while he's watching/listening. And when he's not around, be totally indifferent. Stay away from her as much as possible and ignore any jabs she throws at you.

Before leaving for UK, you must make sure your husband has very positive memories of you. Not memories of you bashing his mother and creating drama when he comes home. Unless you're actually being physically abused...given the fact that you have tickets booked for UK......stay quiet about all the drama your MIL is causing. When your husband is with you, make his time pleasant. If your MIL wants to continue to bash you to him......let her. If your husband mentions that your MIL is upset b/c you did or said something......then you should say something like "I feel bad that I hurt her feelings. If you think it will make her feel better, I have no problem apologizing to her." Allow your MIL to provide all the negativity/stress/complaints/nagging etc in your husband's life. When he's with you....give him nothing but love and peace. You'd be amazed as to what difference this can make to a man after a while.

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Re: She makes me so angry

I think in alot of the threads i’ve read created by the OP every regular poster to her threads have told her the same thing over and over again :chai: me thinks somone is not reading the replies either at all or properly :yawn:

35

Re: She makes me so angry

Do they have Jerry Springer in Pakistan yet? How about a reality show called the Nastiest Saas? There's real potential for Nadz to be a star...;)

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Re: She makes me so angry

nadz123 at least your MIL did it behind your back. I know someone whose MIL does it right infront of her and her husband as well as her mum and dad and other family member

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Re: She makes me so angry

thus far this is THE BEST advise you can get on gupshup. Please memorize every word of this and follow to the core before leaving for UK. It's time for you to put a show face.

38

Re: She makes me so angry

Hahahaa

Thats what i was thinking, she is writing about her mil to the whole world and complaining about her talking to her daughter! !

Talk about hypocrisy

39

Re: She makes me so angry

While the rest of Paheli's advice is excellent, this part is not going to work. Anybody will see through it. The problem is the complete falseness of it.

What she needs to do is be straight, honest, decent, respectful and courteous to her saas. Treat her like a human being. Even if she does not reciprocate. At least then she can stand firm in her own correctness of behaviour. Being a tattechuk or chamchi will just be more BS. Enough with all of that.

40

Re: She makes me so angry

Absolutely wonderful and well written advice.

Nadz..I certainly hope you do not push your husband to the point where he will have to choose between you, his wife, or his mother. He could if push comes to shove, cut you AND his mother out of his life.

A few more weeks remain before you leave for the UK. Do you have other family in the UK? Does your husband have family in the UK? Will he feel he had to leave/abandon his family for you?

His mother is his mother, and will always have that status. There are MIL and DIL who do not get along, and will never get along. For your sake and for the sake of your marriage, keep the peace from YOUR end.

I don't know too much about your history, but I saw my own Mom with her in laws. Your daily commentary pales in comparison to what I saw and what I remember. Kids remember things too, you do not want your children to remember that all our Mom does is complain to Dad about Dadi all day long.