She makes me so angry

[Paheli00]

Re: She makes me so angry

@Muzna

I understand the sentiment Paheli…but I don’t think that any of this should be about making the husband choose a side.

In my experience, whenever a woman has consciously demanded that her husband choose a side, she has suffered. I would never ask any person to pick me over their parent…ever..

I’m not suggesting Nadz make the husband choose a side or even demand it. But if she wants her husband to defend her more often to the MIL…then her behavior must change.

@Muzna

If by “learn to act” you are suggesting that she learn to manipulate then I’m not sure that this is good advice. Why not take a step back and treat everyone, including MIL, with total respect whether anyone else is around to witness it or not? Isn’t that what our deen stipulates?

Even when a person does not behave in a fashion that invites respect, treating them with it will always leave you looking good and eventually may even turn their attitude towards you around.

All good advice except I would add that you should keep up the behaviour even when there is nobody to witness it but Allah.

I agree with all the above. What is stated is the ideal situation. As as you yourself stated…we need a much more mature and tolerant Nadz in order for this to become a reality in this situation.

The major problem here is the lack of time. Nadz herself has complained about her husband’s lack of affection/consideration towards her. Her long term goal is to get the husband to move to the UK AND be happy living with her there. In order for her to do this…its crucial that she improve her relationship with her husband. Phone calls/Skype chats with Skype will only do so much. There is not a set date as to when the husband will join her in the UK. I firmly believe that Nadz needs to do ANYTHING she can in order to leave her husband with positive memories of her in the next 2 months. Filling this time with love/affection towards him, not complaining about the MIL, and being extra nice to the MIL (especially when the husband is watching/listening) will only help with that.

IMHO, Nadz’s current mental state and her lack of time does not give her the luxury to behave in this ideal/perfect way that you and Kashmir described.

** Side note: Perhaps you and Kashmir see it differently but I don’t think my suggestion that she avoid the MIL as much as possible and not react at all if the MIL says/does something negative is anyway similar to not treating the MIL with respect or being rude towards her.