Re: She did not call back…
You were supporting white girl … now if your nephew wants to marry out of culture… why are you so uncomfortable?
Re: She did not call back…
This one doesn’t want to marry out of culture but he might have to. Desi families and their demands are getting out of hand. Contrarily I am supporting marrying out of culture. What will happen to all these girls if all the quality boys marry out of culture? I am seeing a huge number of boys raised here marrying in different faiths and cultures.
Re: She did not call back…
I’m in the same boat as your nephew. Speaking from first hand experience. The pool is as big and as small as you allow it to be. There are something’s he’ll have to compromise on. For me, I want someone who hasn’t had pre-marital sex, done drugs, party, drink etc. Everything else I don’t care. As long as I’m attracted to her is all that matters. I’m as shareef as they come. I wouldn’t go out and do something that is against my religion. With that being said, being shareef is a test in of it self, and sure the marriage process can be frustraiting but I wouldn’t bend my morals and I disagree with you raising shareef guys isn’t a mistake. Nothing is wrong with marrying out of culture as long as the girl holds the same values as him. Like Arab girls…etc, although the same issue arises in their culture where they want some one who is arab as well.
As well, the pool as guys age gets larger, he can be 32, 33 and still get proposals from 25 year olds.
Re: She did not call back…
Why is it a mistake?
Re: She did not call back…
Girls seem to prefer players, the shareef boys have a hard time hooking up and get lonely or don’t know their real worth and settle for someone who is not their equal. I have exposed my boys and prepared them for the dating scene You need to able to bring it on for the dating scene..Also the choice is very limited within the culture and I see awesome girls and boys approaching mid 30s with no hope in sight. I am talking doctors, pharmacists, executives.
Re: She did not call back…
Something you will have to understand about values here is that morality is subjective, in older days having sex with young captive of war slave girls was allowed and that was not immoral and religiously sanctioned, the modern society would call it immoral. Most people here would not consider pre-marital sex as immoral. Consensual sex does not make you immoral it is just against your faith. I think a good person who has experienced sex is a better choice than a horrible person who hasnt. My wife’s nephew married a girl whose only attribute is that she didnt have pre marital sex, my BIL gave them hundreds of thousands, has transferred a million plus house to them and she wont let him in her house even though he is very lonely after his wife passed away.
Re: She did not call back…
I don’t think one should let go of their moral values just because there seems to be trend of something in a society. Plus idk which girls you have met bobby uncle but I don’t know ANY girl who prefers a player over someone who is loyal. As far as difficulty of trying to find someone compatible of marrying, that is a dilemma many face, whether it is the reserved crowd or the liberal crowd.
I would also like to point out that it is literally rejection from just ONE GIRL, aren’t you going a little overboard with generalizations of painting your shareef nephew as bechara? At the end of the day, it is just luck to be honest, some find their significant other early on, the rest of us have to face some difficulties. He will be fine.
Re: She did not call back…
Baita if you don’t adapt to change you get crushed by it. My opinion is based on hundreds of boys and girls, this is becoming a disaster. This amazing doctor girl I sold a townhome to, her 3 professional sisters, her specialist brother all of them are approaching serious age and didn’t find partners. My land developer friend who is amazingly wealthy cant find suitable matches for his three professional kids. I just see all around the community and see these people getting old without finding love. The criterions are so rigid and demands so unrealistic. I planned my childrens development where they will have a great shot at finding love. I see 16/17 yr olds enjoying love and then in the shareef situations there are boys in late 30s who have never been with a female, what a waste of life.
Both my brother and myself had many relationships before marriage but were dedicated faithful partners to our wives. People should just date and should know how to attract and be attractive.
Re: She did not call back…
I know many girls who want shareef guys. Don’t let this bad experience hold you back. Finding the one is a process and it takes time.
Everyone has different values and wants different things out of life and relationships. Especially with society having a disposable mindset, people just keep moving to the next thing instead of accepting others and even changing themselves (within reason) to make things work. I’m sure he’ll be fine and you should be really supportive throughout this process. I’ve had some friends marry Arabs and they’re mashaAllah really happy. Nothing wrong with marrying outside of your ethnicity as long as we don’t put labels on a group of people. There will be good and bad people in every culture.
I would disagree you need to ‘bring it on’ for the dating scene. It’s getting easier and easier to just hook up and the trend is moving towards people having absolutely no standards anymore. Two people swipe right and that’s pretty much it. You need to ‘bring it on’ during the rishta scene. Get your act together as you’ll be screened by potential and entire family. Have your career lined up, have a good reputation, be personable, etc. The end goal for most people in the rishta process is marriage so they’ll be looking for potential spouse qualities. You really have to have it together whereas in the dating scene it could just be for fun with the possibility of it developing into a more serious thing. (Lol and I know I’m probably being really biased because I’m not into the dating scene…)
Re: She did not call back…
I dunno young missy I see scores of awesome young professionals out there with everything to offer and their life is wasting away, they were looking in 20s and now in 30s with no reprieve in sight, arranged marriages are falling like a deck of cards. Western desis will have to reevaluate. I see my western hosts and assistants and they have partners at 16/17/18 they go camping, traveling, skiing together enjoying their youth and desi kids lonely and sad.
Life is a competition and every mammal has to compete to win the best female, mothers better be preparing the boys to be able to bring it on. Right from the onset, I gave my boys many skills like lifeguard training, boating license, canoeing, kayaking, skiing, snowboarding etc. They traveled for training and competition my family and community ridiculed me but now they will never have problems finding girls, eldest’s gf is black belt 2nd degree, studying to be a physician, she is also a hunter and very active and polite You think a vanilla boy will attract a partner like that. So what if it doesn’t last, at least for a short period they would have touched the sky. This was a very planned upbringing I did for my kids. I wanted them to fully enjoy their youth.
Re: She did not call back…
Wasting life imo is not being productive and doing the things you have always aspired to do. Not being in a relationship is not a waste of life. You can enjoy your youth with family, friends and have great experiences. I can happily say I’ve lived my life really well. Have traveled, went on many outdoor adventures, went to uni, made some great friends and experiences and have had tons of opportunities because of my go-getter and ambitious outlook. That too while not dating around. Being married is not the end and be all goal. You need to have a great personality and be a well rounded person and learn to be happy with yourself before ever having a successful, healthy relationship. Many teenage relationships don’t work out as girls and guys are very insecure, lack confidence and end up being emotionally abusive. They try to find their happiness in others and when the issues start arising they just jump ship because it’s not bringing them happiness, nor do they have the coping/problem solving skills to help them. Maturing takes time and when you’re ready I think that’s when you should allow someone to be a part of your life.
There is a time for everything. Some people are struggling now but they’ll find someone eventually. I do agree that you need to be smart and make sure you’re networking. It’s not the strongest that is most successful, it’s the one who is most adaptable. Desis just need to learn to adapt and learn to compromise when its appropriate.
I am all for people doing their own thing. These are my personal experiences and I wouldn’t change them for anything. I hope things work out well for your family 
Re: She did not call back…
So what sounds like more fun, my 19 yr old going on a ski trip with me and his mom or with his beautiful gf. Everyone has a desire for intimacy and it is the greatest at the peak youthful years.
You seem like a happy person but among desis you would be one in a million. Men need relationships more than women.
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haha the latter would definitely be more fun. I can’t lie now, can I? I love my parents and we hang out a fair amount, so for me I’d be okay with spending time with them. People do what they have to do. Everyone has different levels of spirituality and things that are more important to them that they cannot compromise on to be in a relationship. We just have to accept it and learn to appreciate the diversity we have in the world in terms of upbringing and how people are raised and what things they value. I think everyone desires intimacy but some people would rather wait while others are okay with experimenting. It is what it is and that’s life.
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When you have a problem that is becoming an epidemic than things need to change, wouldn’t it be nice if desi parents would allow their kids to hangout with each other and get to know each other, the other thing is that you need to be exposed to the opposite sex to explore what you really like. People who haven’t had an interaction with the opposite sex would not know what they really like/ My boys gf datd a couple of losers first as she thought that is what she likes then she at 18 realized losers are not the solution and went for an exciting athlete. If she waited till 30 and married a loser. she would never be able to recoup her life. I fell head over heel for nasty girls for I believed those are the girls for me and later realized that is really not what i want. You think you know what you want but I promise you, you dont. How would you know you like chicken without ever eating it?
Re: She did not call back…
I think living in the West you do get to meet people of the opposite gender and interact with them to get a good idea of how they think and ‘be exposed’ through work, school, extra curriculars, etc. lol I would equate dating losers with having bad rishtas come your way. Same issues, heartbreak, learning about different personality types, etc. Most of my friends that have gotten married did ‘halal dating’. Ie. meeting guys with the presence of a mahram or outdoors in public spaces. It was a few meetings to get to know them because let’s be real you can never get to know someone 100%. Marriage is taking a chance to make something beautiful, it requires effort from both sides.
Hopefully by 30, girls are past marrying the loser stage and have matured and have got their lives together to realize they want a quality guy. People who date sometimes marry losers too, so you never know!
The marriage problem in the West is an epidemic, but it’s the same for white people. They have other issues like guys not wanting to commit, too many baby mamas and single moms. People marrying for 2nd, 3rd, 4th time. People not wanting to marry at all or just living together to see if it works out. Marriage is tough for everyone and every culture has their own challenges. Let’s not discriminate here. It always has been a challenge and always will be.
Re: She did not call back…
I think I have a pretty good idea of what I want. The fundamentals at least but I am pretty adaptable. If it’s the right person I think I can make adjustments. We will never know what we really want because we are fluid and always changing. I might want a certain guy right now and might want someone with different characteristics later. It’s important to love what you have and make a commitment to improve and help your partner become a better person. If I make a commitment I’m sure I’ll stick by it. I like chicken but I probably won’t want to try alligator. Ever. Just not my thing.
Re: She did not call back…
So I was with Dianne for 7 years, things didn’t work out because my family influenced me but I had amazing seven years with her, we did a ton of traveling socializing etc way better than waking up with no one beside you and no-one to share your life with. My best friend Bridgette was telling me that the new concept now is serial monogamy. Most of my boys friends moms are divorced and they all got a better shinier model and are going on vacations all the time. Separation and divorce is not the end of the world here.
Re: She did not call back…
It’s not.
We just have different approaches and that’s okay. I’m pretty young so I am open to learn things, it was nice hearing your perspective.
Re: She did not call back…
A reason a lot of desis are single is because they have high demands like wanting a doctor ristha etc. Westerners are open to all type of professions. they adopt a profession because they enjoy it not just because of the money factor. If desis were open minded like that, they would find, nice well settled people within the same culture and religion without having to compromise on their religious beliefs. lets face it, even among westerners, people do marry among their own type. Its just easier. Whites marry among whites mostly and balcks among balcks etc. Do they have more inter racial relationships than desis? yes, but its still not the majority for them.
Re: She did not call back…
I’m going to go with Eastern Dresses and say that it is the boy’s side that should do the asking. Maybe your wife should go in person to the pharmacy because yes it is her place of work but around the public so striking up a conversation with her when your wife goes there would allow her to see that it isn’t some random woman on the phone inquiring about her.