I'm an American Pakistani... one hand I would want the girl to come clean... but on the other hand maybe just keep quite.
When one feels guilty after cheating... the guilt...the urge to tell their partner is vastly driven by selfishness. There was no guilt setting up the affair...it was actually propagated by another dude. So there should be no guilt keeping quiet.
I've actually cheated on a few girlfriends during my early 20's... over the years i figured out why i cheated... it's because the women I was with... I didn't respect, and most of all i didn't respect myself. Plus it wasn't the right relationship for me...cheating is an indicator of partner inadequacy.
"Once a cheater always a cheater" - That's just bull*. Just because you * up a few times, doesn't mean you'll always be a **** up. That's not what they teach in Islam.
That being said...seeing how this is postfacto...after the fact... the chick can really do anything she wants...but if she continues to cheat...she should stop cheating the guy and herself and move on.
Pray and repent. It'll lessen the guilt she's feeling right now. It's early in her marriage, she doesn't live with her husband and maybe her raging hormones did take over but that doesn't excuse it. At the same time, have we not heard of guys living in the motherland waiting for their wives to bring them to America and in the mean time they have relationships over there that their American wives don't know about- and many never find out about. I'm not excusing this girl, but crap happens. And who knows, maybe if she would tell her husband he'll "forgive" her but once he gets his papers, divorce her. I have a feeling everything is going to come full circle... She used her ex to satisfy her curiosity. And just like that if she tells her husband, he may end up using her as well to get his papers.
She's kinda screwed- hooking up with a family friend and an ex- it's going to be hard to keep it on the DL. I'll be surprised if it doesn't get out. The guys might even try to approach her again since she gave the impression that she's easy and wants to experiment.
She's kinda screwed- hooking up with a family friend and an ex- it's going to be hard to keep it on the DL. I'll be surprised if it doesn't get out. The guys might even try to approach her again since she gave the impression that she's easy and wants to experiment.
according to her neither of the guys have threatened to talk of the indiscretion...and she says there's no animosity on any side so why would they defame her. they're both guys that have had previous relationships and havent defamed those women, so why would she be any different. that is her reasoning right now.
as for the approaching and her being an easy target...thats definitely a possibility but she says she'll just have to ward them off nicely enough and let them know that she isnt willing to cross her limits again.
as for the approaching and her being an easy target...thats definitely a possibility but she says she'll just have to ward them off nicely enough and let them know that she isnt willing to cross her limits again.
If there is possibility (implying that she is still in contact with them) then she leaves that room open for herself. The correct answer should be there is no way it is a possibility.
Don't want to say anything, but how would she have liked it had she been in her husband's shoes?
On the other hand it's better to keep a Gunnah to yourself and sincerely repent. Telling her husband will just end up in an ugly disaster for everyone.
well she is repenting to Allah...i suppose her only dilemma was if she should confess to her husband and if its mandatory for her to do so...will Allah forgive her even if she doesnt tell her husband or does she HAVE to confess to her husband and accept the punishment from him to get Allah's forgiveness.
She should ask her husband's forgiveness. It's his right which is violated.
spoken like a true brown guy who thinks its ok for him to fool around but women who've ever looked at a guy should be stoned to death.
If you read my previous posts you'd know I wasnt even discussing cheating.
most of these studs dont tell the grls they're fooling around with "hey by the way, i'm only fooling around with you but i will marry someone i'm more attracted to and think is a better person than you are" anyway this thread is not for my views on players. i was only seeking some advice for a frnd that had confided in me. we can discuss your views on how men who cheat are still above women who cheat in another thread
They are under no obligation to tell anyone what their intention is. If women want marriage ..its their problem..they should be the ones to bring it up as early as possible in dating. "Hey, I'm looking for a husband so I'd only have sex with you if this leads to marriage" They should wait until the guy makes an explicit commitment to them. The guy is only at fault if he still beds her and isnt serious.
Oh wait. I forgot that women are afraid to put so many conditions on sex when dating player and stud types. You know conditions like waiting for at least 50 years before having the first kiss, making promises and meeting the parents first etc. Whatever happened to those conditions?
And maybe the guys are a bit desperate (and pathetic) fooling around with girls they don't find attractive..
An attractive man will marry an attractive woman (his equal). But for short term flings he may go for women who are average-alright looking as well. That doesn't mean he is not attracted to the latter. A man can be attracted to different women to varying degrees. For marriage he would ideally want someone he's attracted to to a high degree because its a lifelong and exclusive relationship. For short term he may feel that a moderate degree of attraction is good enough.
There's no dichotomy whereby you could either be strongly attracted to OR completely repelled by someone. Its tiring.
There's no rule which states thou shalt only fooleth around with someone you find acceptable for marriage as well. If a person has had 15 partners (s)he isnt gonna marry all of them.
I do wonder though, whats way more pathetic: having sex with someone you don't intend to marry OR marrying someone you wouldn't have had sex with. We all know which gender is almost exclusively guilty of the latter.