Shall I end this marriage or not?

Lifestyle Relationships
1

Hi Guys,

My husband and I dated for three years and have been married for three years too. In our six year relationship, I would say the dating days were the best ever. I never knew it was possible to love someone so much and get the same amount of love back in return. Then again, I was young, naive and innocent seeing as this was my first and I thought would be my last relationship.

When we got married the family pressures started to kick in. My in laws were extremely over protective of my husband and never seemed to like me/accept me (I don’t know why). No matter what I did to make them happy, it was never enough.

After the first year of marriage my husband became violent and aggressive. I had a gut instinct something was wrong, but I never had any proof. I continued to love him. care for him and even provide for him. Last year I received a phone call from another woman telling me he had been having an affair with her 11 months after we got married and it continued for two and a half years. I couldn’t get my head round it. I was heartbroken, shocked and devastated. My whole world fell apart. I realised he had lied to me hundreds of times and had dragged me through hell for no reason.

I fought for my marriage from the start and would have done anything for my husband/ for our marriage. Now, I think he may be on coke because all the symptoms are there and it would explain why his money is going missing, why he continued this affair for so long and why he has such bad mood swings.

He is adamant we can still make our marriage work, but how do you learn to trust someone who has caused you to get to the lowest point of your life?

We are living apart and have been for the last four months. I don’t know if he loves me, it seems like he is’t bothered about whether we stay together or not. I don’t know why he can’t fight for our marriage or be a man and be assertive.

What do I do?

2

Re: Shall I end this marriage or not?

Wow this is a really horrible situation. Sorry I don't know what to say, I just hope you can find some peace.

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Re: Shall I end this marriage or not?

http://i56.tinypic.com/29av7s2.jpg

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Re: Shall I end this marriage or not?

I usually never advise people to quit but in case of disloyalty, I think its the only option left.

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Re: Shall I end this marriage or not?

:smack:

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Re: Shall I end this marriage or not?

get the hell out of this wedlock as soon as possible or else it may be too late. Good Luck :)

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Re: Shall I end this marriage or not?

1) before you say anything to him or anyone, talk to a lawyer, make sure you can adequately protect your rights. have a plan ready to leave him and get as much in a divorce as you can,

2) optional..and then talk to him about sorting the marriage out..if you want to do that. then see how it goes, give it a finite period for substantial changes to become the norm. and if it is not apparent that he is doing the best he can or making a sincere effort, walk away as soon as possible.

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Re: Shall I end this marriage or not?

What good is a husband you can't trust and who's not losing any sleep over the fact that you aren't living with him.

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Re: Shall I end this marriage or not?

You should talk to a divorce lawyer, then say goodbye...unless there's a little bit of love left in your heart and his to try to make things work.

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Re: Shall I end this marriage or not?

:( Get out, I'm sorry to say that.

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Re: Shall I end this marriage or not?

Just be grateful there are no kids involved. Get legal advice, get your rights sorted and leave this man.

Im sorry things have gone wrong for you x

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Re: Shall I end this marriage or not?

i am sorry for the situation you are in. I think may be its time he saves this relationship if he really wishes to. You should wait to see if he makes any effort otherwise its useless .He not only cheated but hes also into drugs.

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Re: Shall I end this marriage or not?

kick his arse to the curb ! .. n milk the wacko for as much moola as u can ! ..

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Re: Shall I end this marriage or not?

Yes

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Re: Shall I end this marriage or not?

If you're not 100% sure that he's cheating on you....consider investigating the issue further. However, the violence alone....(without the cheating) is bad enough and there's no justification for that. That alone....can warrant an end to a marriage.

You say that you've been living apart from him for some time. Has this time been peaceful....do you feel safer ....more relieved.... being apart from him? If so...then maybe you should end it. Infidelity and violence are difficult things to overcome in a marriage.......both of those actions not only break your trust in your partner.......they also destroy your self-esteem and change the way you perceive your spouse.....all three of which are like foundations for a relationship.

There are some things in life.....such as your self-respect and your health (physical/emotional well-being) and sanity that you can't compromise on. And if being single brings you these basic things that you've been missing for the longest time.......then move on from him.

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Re: Shall I end this marriage or not?

You can never be 100% sure that the girl is telling you the truth. You have not caught him with other girls so assuming will not get you anywhere. Being a women, I am totally against guys treating girls like toys. You never know the girl could have been trying to get revenge on your husband for doing something to her.(tooo many dramas i swear:))Then again if he has pleaded guilty then it is best to walk out,but before you do make sure you have your facts correct. Things aren't always the way they may seem to be. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you, yes it will hurt. Although remem. once your out that door you are out of it forever. Make a decision that will not make you regret it later on in life.
Anyways, I wish you all the best.Keep on believing in god sweety:)

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Re: Shall I end this marriage or not?

do you still love him after all the violence, drug addiction, lies and alleged infidelity? does he still love you or does he just want to stay together for the sake of all the relatives and friends. ask him

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Re: Shall I end this marriage or not?

End it.

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Re: Shall I end this marriage or not?

*I am sorry darling to hear your story, your husband really put you in a bad situation and he is being so inconsiderate towards your feelings. I can totally empathize how heart breaking it is for you right now to go through hardship as he was your world but he has stoop himself very LOW, PLZ DONT FORGET THAT!... One of my cousin went through the same scenario that you are in at this moment. Make him your past and move on! InshAllah, you will have a better husband than him in future. Just be glad that you didnt have to put up with this serial cheater, deceiver, idiot, heart-breaker for 20+ years.. HE IS COMPLETELY EXPOSED..." Once a cheater, always a cheater". .. Please dont allow thIS douche bag to hurt you more. He never loved you truly, please get out of this relationship as soon as possible, dont try to save it because in a long run, he will still hurt u.... In terms of his personality, he wont put any efforts to work through your relationship with him. You better not trust a dishonest person again unless he really/truly feels sorry for his actions. Allah has someone better for you... Get urself together and LEAVE HIM FOR UR OWN BENEFIT..... He doesnt deserve you, he is a user!!!..... HUGS!!! *

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Re: Shall I end this marriage or not?

if she does divorce him, the ones that say someone better will come or she'll get a better husband, looking at the threads that ask whether anybody will marry a divorced person, not too many men raised their hand with enthusiasm.

It's easy for us to say that she should drop him but the word divorce is still a bit taboo and not so eagerly accepted in desi society, yes laws allow it and thankfully they do for such marriages but i'm praying she'll be in a better, happier place if she does opt for something like divorce and if this "better husband" doesn't come along for her then what?

that's the thing with desi society sometimes, when the dream life of great wedding, wonderful marriage, kids doesn't come off so well and there's the not so fairy tale type of situation of violence, volatility, disrespect, alleged infidelity, emotional pain.......then what happens to those that weren't so lucky in desi society?