hmmm welll, I have so far not felt any love from her side whatsoever. At my mangni she didnt hug or kiss me, didnt say one single positive about me, but instead she talked harsh to her son and wanted him to keep quiet and not seem happy.
She criticized my cooking and kitchen capablities, while everybody else were so happy about the stuff I had made. She has so far ONLY sent me negative vibes and when she insists on getting my lehnga made I can only get paranoia since I am very picky when it comes to clothing and dont wanna let an old woman take control of how I will look on my big day. specially since her taste is very different from mine.
I feel sorry to feel this way for her, but she has really not done any effort to make me think that she likes me. I fear that she doesnt like me cuz I am divorced from a previous only-paper-nikkah and that her son likes me and she hasnt had any influence on finding her bahu.
Just a few minutes after my father had said yes for the rishta, she explicitly said that she was only coming along cuz of her son and husband....
any girl will feel she is not liked by her mil when she says stuff like that besides critisizing you.
Chameli, she doesnt have to like and you dont have to like her. I am guessing that you will try to be atleast civil to her because you are marrying her son. A lehanga on your valima day is not as big of a deal as your baraat day dress is. Let her choose. A dress is not worth all the pain and hurt some resistance can follow.
Or perhaps its just Barfee and I who think like that. :(
Chameli, i apologize if my post gives you the impression you are getting. I dont think i have said anything taht should make you sound like you are selfish, since it is not my intention to do so. What i have written is my opinion only. No one has to follow it if they dont agree with it. Good luck with your preps. :) Enjoy them as much as you can since this time will only come once in your life.
It is every person's right to look good at the wedding day, be it barat or walima
Chameli, i'm sorry that ur relationship with ur mother has not started of well, and as u've explained it is ur mil who is giving out the negative vibes. I'd say try ur best and be civilised to her. However, that does not mean that u need to compromise with her on ur special day. As long as u have the support of ur fiance (i hope u do) then that is all that should matter. If u compromise now, then she will think she can have her way all the time. But, moreover if u r not happy wearing her choice of lengha, it will not be the best start to married life (and ur poor fiance will probably be stuck in the middle)
Its every girls dream to want to look the best on her wedding day, that does not in anyway imply that u r selfish. Good luck hun, and make sure u post pictures, u'll make a beautiful bride. (If she's really mean, post one of ur mil 2!) :D
its best if u talk to ur 2b hubby directly / some1 in your family to pass on ur message to ur 2b hubby that u want to have a say in deciding the dresses for you. i'm sure he'd understand where ur coming from. better for him to take the step on ur behalf. i'm sure he'd manage it in a decent manner to keep both sides happy. other than that a direct approach by you may result in some unhappy faces and unwanted tension.
PS: that will also give u chance to see where ur 2b hubby stands when it comes to and ur issues with his family members. :p
I would say get an outfit made for the valima as an emergency outfit. So if you absolutely hate the outfit she makes for you at least you will have a 2nd option. But go into it w/ an open mind. I am w/ Burf and Ira on this one - it would be hard to find something ugly in Pak. The good thing is that everyone else agrees w/ you and hopefully will be able to sway your MIL's decision when she goes shopping.
My friend's MIL bought the white wedding gown from Dubai and wanted her to wear it for her Valima but thankfully her husband said "no way in heck!" and she was saved from the embarrasement :-D
Err, u’d be surprised, ive seen lots of otufits in Pak that i wouldn’t be caught dead wearing
Chameli, im sorry… if she was a nicer lady n treated you wiht pyar n mohabbat i’d tell u to let it go, but the way you made her out to be, she sounds like a b*tch… So i’d stick to getting my own dress made
i am only meethi-talk on this forum, dont call him in here u guys dont want to know how it is in REAL :o
BTW chameli I am still with Ira…ur relationship with your MIL and improving it is wayyyy mroe importatn then looking good on your walima. I know its easier said than done, but u gotta do what u gotta do. Hate never conqured anything.
I will give you an example when my mom married my dad, no one wanted it expect for him. My mom had to give up alot (and I am not saying you should) but in the end she ended up being the favorite daughter in law. So, a lil tolerance and patience from your side could make things better.
^things are different now from when our parents go married. She has right to be happy from the start, the only people in the marriage are her husband, she only needs the approval of her fiance, and if she has that then i'm sure chameli will be happy.
^ yeah i agree with that 2 in some sense...but if things are fine between the couple then everything is usually better...its worse when ther's problems between the couples because of interfering family...which is why if his family is not being nice to her, then for her and her fiance's sake she needs to make sure things are water-tight between them before considering his mother. His mother she can deal with later, and not if she does not want to!
All, i'm saying is that if i was in that situation, and i had the full support of my fiance, then his family can do watever they like, i wouldn't care.
i think she needs to have a diplomatic approach in this issue. be flexible. she don't want to be a queen for a day and then have a war with her in laws all her life. even if she manages to persuade her fiance to talk to his mother, do you think her MIL will forget that and let it be a minor issue. i don't think so. she'd take it as a sign that she is already controlling my son and that won't leave her with many options to explore. i'd say don't make it a bigger issue than it already is. if its not possible to talk to your fiance then talk to your mom. let her talk to your MIL and sort out this issue. sure marriage is between two ppl but family means something too. if this is your special once-in-a-life-time-day then same can be said for them. i'm sure they don't plan to marry their son again and again. so be flexible and talk to your mom.
Burn the damn thing while ironing it 8 hours before the event.
Ofcourse I did that by mistake :halo:
and then had a brand new spanking outfit made within 5 hours.
Dont ask at what lengths everybody around me had to go to through, which includes shopping for the perfect dress, bargaining on the price and persuading the damn tailor to stitch the damn thing within 2 hours.
Watch your language and personal attacks. You have been warned.
I agree with saieen if she is as evil as chameli describes her to be than she will make a big issue out of it. And if it hurts his mother, i am sure she will make sure her son knows, and no matter how gorgeous you look on your walima, u aren't gonna look pretty to him.
Chameli, Is she asking for suggestions at all? Maybe you can tell her the kind of things you like, maybe your fav boutiques? Like drop her some hints? lol tell her u wanna go shopping with her. And if your fiance is making plans to go shopping with you then whats the problem? Maybe you guys can settle on a dress that you and ur MIL like?
And if they dont even want you to look at the dress beore the walima and you are so sure that shes such a horrible old woman who would go out of her way to make sure her daughter in law looks liek a churail on her walima then have another "emergency" option dress made.
Holy smoke Barfee! Thats mighty rude. I actually agree with LB :D Burn it by mistake, that way u don;t have to confront ur MIL or argue with anyone about not wanting to wear it, have another one handy though cos this isn;t pakistan where u can go and pick another one up, here chances are that u will find an uglier one! But resort to that option only if the outfit is totally unwearable and hideous.
BEtter idea, give fiance ur colour choice and show him a few pictures so he knows what sort to look for. OR go out with him and show him what u like and then he can insist before his mummy that he wants to buy that particular outfit cos he loves it oh so much :D
u guys dont want to know how it is in REAL :o