Re: Shaabaash
if these same mothers taught their girls HOW to live in a joint family system, put forth a positive image of how in laws can be, how to respect those elder than you, how to just shut up for the first yr of marriage (unless you are being abused verbally or physically, then you speak up)
Seriously is that respect? are you getting married or putting yourself up for bonded labour?
Re: Shaabaash
If people can make it work, great. Living with inlaws is a great thing…until you have to actually do it. Living in the joint family system is easy if you’re not the newcomer.
I just dont understand why a woman has to sit there and justify herself to people for doing something she has every right to do. Its like asking her why she is wearing certain clothes or her hair a certain way. Yes, thats an oversimplified example but the idea is the same: its her right. She doesnt owe anyone explanations except her husband.
If people recognized this…maybe girls would take a step back and realize they really have no reason to leave. Then, they wouldnt. But questioning basic things like this is just weird.
You’re married, you want to live a certain way, set up your own home, decorate, have your own routine, give your kids stability, spread out in front of the TV with a pint of ice cream and your PJs, have a fight with your husband, talk to your friends on the phone, etc etc etc.
These are basic choices…what is the big deal? Why cant people live 5 minutes away and still be happy? This just boggles my mind because I want the same thing for my parents!
I am one of 4 girls and I want to take care of my parents too…but I wouldnt force my parents on my husband and make him live with them. The joint family system/bahu susraal jaati hai is a Hindu concept that we Pakistanis think is Islamic…LOL. Believe it or not, Ive actually read on these forums where people think the joint family system is ordained by Islam…
People can live within close proximity and still be over for dinner, see each other on even a daily basis if they want, do the doctor’s appointments, family functions, etc.
Why is it so important to be in each other’s face all the time?
Re: Shaabaash
Mothers should do this and mothers should do that. I agree and I guess our mothers are great , most of the time.
Now apart from what mom's should do, look at it this way >>> The gal has lived her imp years of life, which are her teenage or/and after teens, when she was growing up and learning abt life, she lived that part mostly away from family.
Like she was in hostel, then got job in different city/country, living there of her own etc. Now she has gotten used to living alone or in other words without family or she has gotten used to have her own privacy. What do you suggest in that scenario?
Assume gal is really good, very respecting n loving, has no probs seeing her in laws even several times in a year, doesnt mind in laws coming over n staying for vacation, but she is not comfortable with having many ppl (including her own siblings) at home living parmanently with her.
Re: Shaabaash
Should come back to this thread in a couple of decades to see how mother-in-laws are dealing with the daughter-in-laws.