Re: Shaabaash
Life1 threads are eye openers for you? LOL
Re: Shaabaash
i think i never actually heard a story about nasty inlaws whilst growing up. Especially none from my own family.
I didn't, either. In fact, my parents absolutely hated it when people would try to bring up these stories about XYZ's awful MIL or ABC's hellish nand. They always believed that there are multiple sides to a story and that talking about it was gheebat. Unfortunately, it's hard to avoid those stories when it's all everybody speaks about at parties, weddings, masjids, etc. So I got quite the earful growing up...unfortunately. Thank goodness my parents countered it all with some common sense.
Re: Shaabaash
Life1 threads are eye openers for you? LOL
not really. And shouldnt be.
They are just a very small represenation of the problems that exist in the world.
Re: Shaabaash
- The stupid expectation that a bahu jee is supposed to be the nokrani of the house while the inlaws do eff all And when she stands up for her rights the ridiculous accusations on her will range from her being 'modern' or somehow her 'trying to stop inlaws meeting the husband' or something similar to this delusion.
Its rather unfortunate, couldnt have said it better, really.
Re: Shaabaash
One wonders how these women ever lived in their parents homes.
Does our tolerance level depend on the "name" of the relationship or the actual relationship?
Do we expect to have separate kitchens to our mothers as we so often demand of our husbands to provide when we get married and are asked to live with his parents? Do we make irrational demands of our parents to unreasonable amounts of privacy?
I think not yeah?
People ought to think about what they are demanding or how much hurt they may be causing. It never hurts to be the better or bigger person.
Very Well Said.
Re: Shaabaash
i think the root of this problem are the mothers that are raising their daughters in the shadows of hatred they themselves felt and continue feeling for their own in laws (the girl's paternal grandparents)... khud tho himmat nahi hui to get their own sep living (for whatever reason)... so they just poision their girls minds with a very twisted pic of what or how in laws are like. with such upbringing, its only normal a girl express great interest in having her own place and not want to live in a joint family system. before even knowing how its gonna be... just be lucky your honay wali biwi is allowing you to see your own parents, alag rehna tho bohat choti si baath hai. cuz thats what the mother has taught her daughter... mil is chalak and will do everything to make you suffer just like your dadi did with me, and the fil, well he is just a good for nothing buddha tuddha you have to cater to morning noon and night.
if these same mothers taught their girls HOW to live in a joint family system, put forth a positive image of how in laws can be, how to respect those elder than you, how to just shut up for the first yr of marriage (unless you are being abused verbally or physically, then you speak up) and dont take everything ure mil or fil or sil or bil say to heart.... girls wouldnt be so paranoid about living with in laws... they would atleast be willing to do so ... and then leave it to the actual live in bit to know if they wanna continue doing so.
but noooooooo.... the very thought is a recipe for disaster since that is how its been portrayed from the very beginning.
thank you such mommies.
Very Well Said.
Re: Shaabaash
I think the problem is mothers bringing up their sons to be mama’s boys who can’t think for themselves and are instead lazy, useless enough and taught to shove down all responsibility of taking care of the parents down the throat of the bahu instead of THEIR OWN CHILDREN. So they poison their son’s mind in such a way that as soon as a girl demands her own house (under our religion) she’ll get labelled with ridiculous labels.
Your enlightful second paragraph:
If the same mothers taught the sons exactly how to adapt to married life and take in consideration of the fact that his wife has left ALL HER previous life behind to move in with him, and maybe if the sons are taught that maybe, just maybe, striking a balance between the relationships and not expecting his wifey to do everything for his ama aba, then maybe it would all work out.
^ Tongue in cheek more or less. As I said before both are fine, its what suits each family should work FOR THEM.
But.
See how easy it is to reverse and replace the word ‘girl’ with ‘boy’ in the not-so-clever and vastly generalised frankly drivel (sorry I tried to find a politer word) you’ve written above? :halo:
Re: Shaabaash
^ moms of both Girl and Boys have to alter they way they around raising their kids. You simply can not put all blame on Boy's or Girl's mom. Key problem I see is prejudice. We raise our kids with the fear of unknown and that approach needs to be changed.
Girl mom should have courage to shut girl up when she is doing Ghebat of in-laws but no they take part with the daughter with great will. Similarly, Guy's mom should have courage to understand that she does not own the guy and should provide the space to couple to live their life too. These are just couple of example. I am sure if we go on to compile a list, it will be pretty long one.
Re: Shaabaash
^ Er thats why I said 90% of the post was tongue in cheek 
Re: Shaabaash
Let the tongue in the cheek. Daroo uss waqat sai jub lerkyoon keee tongue OUT OF CHEEK ho jayee 
Re: Shaabaash
SHAQ: why are you deviating from the topic? if you wish to discuss the etiquettes of raising a well rounded man, then please open another thread. this thread is for GIRLS. not SONS.
the same person who has written drivel bout mother daugther will then proceed to write about the mother and son relationship... aap bismilla tho karein aur thread kholein.
and may i say... pehlay shaadi karo, phir bolna. its great to have theories but to find out if these theories even work, one must try them out. So, get married and then come back here to write how your exp has been... until then, let the experienced talk :)
i too used to live in lala land pre marriage... where you think you will follow a certain formula and it will all be dandy. boy does marriage burst your bubble.
Re: Shaabaash
This thread is about family systems so noone is deviating from the topic.
Noone lives in Lala land, I am saying what my religion backs up and whats frankly common sense.
Since you’re the one who’s babbling on about A corrupting B’s mind bla bla (Your not so fantastic post that I quoted in my recent post) maybe you’d do the honours first 
Perhaps you’d tell the joint family system buddies to experience it themselves or does that clever rhetoric only works on people who don’t agree with your view?
In any case, I think expecting you to respond to any points properly was perhaps asking too much. I apologize.
Re: Shaabaash
im sorry but the only one not making sense is you.
to think i actually thought you were smart going by your previous post in the other thread.. made me think see if only more guys would be open minded then we wouldnt have so much of a mess
but unfortunately, you are no different from those imposing their belief that one way is better than the other.
im in no way advocating that joint family system is the way to go.. nor am i saying that girls wanting to live alone are devils... infact ive pointed it out already that there is no clear cut answer to any of this .. until you actually get married and start living your life as a couple.
my post was related to a growing issue im seeing in our married social circle.. but then you refuse to acknowledge that as drivel so maybe i cant go into further discussion without you getting defensive and maybe even rude.... which brings me back to the point of you not knowing how it is to be married thus dont understand the issues involved.
anyways, please dont bother with my useless post.. its way beneath your superior understanding. actually.. put my nick on block so you dont injure your grey cells reading my banter. im not gonna argue with you over an opinion.
cheers
Re: Shaabaash
^ I think you should stop assuming you are the only with marital experience here. Look around life1- plenty of girls have genuine in-law problems, and that too whilst living with them, so it doesn't behove you to dismiss their concerns as ill-bred drivel...just because you have had it easy.
Re: Shaabaash
You don't have to be an intolerant person to acquire your God given rights. how patronising can you get?
One wonders how these women ever lived in their parents homes.
Does our tolerance level depend on the "name" of the relationship or the actual relationship?
Do we expect to have separate kitchens to our mothers as we so often demand of our husbands to provide when we get married and are asked to live with his parents? Do we make irrational demands of our parents to unreasonable amounts of privacy?
I think not yeah?
People ought to think about what they are demanding or how much hurt they may be causing. It never hurts to be the better or bigger person.
Re: Shaabaash
^I wonder if these women have ever lived or tried to live in a joint family system?
Re: Shaabaash
Some girls grow up seeing the in laws problems and decide for themselves what they want out of life, it doesnt mean their mothers planted any ideas inside their heads.
Re: Shaabaash
Am I the only one starting to find this funny?
I wonder if there’d be less drama had the person who started the thread on this topic avoided using the word “pick” or “choose”…considering that situations are not always black/white…and such words are just sticky. Anyhoo.
Re: Shaabaash
at first i read this as ‘Has some unlucky woman snagged Shak yet?’ 
Re: Shaabaash
^ I think you should stop assuming you are the only with marital experience here. Look around life1- plenty of girls have genuine in-law problems, and that too whilst living with them, so it doesn't behove you to dismiss their concerns as ill-bred drivel...just because you have had it easy.
pls refrain from putting words in my mouth. from where did you get the idea that i have it easy? and if you could read patiently without jumping to your own half cooked conclusion, you would have noticed i wrote thats how it is "in MY social circle." the OP was wondering about why some girls are the way they are in the said debate, i gave my 2 cents. Where did i say ALL MOTHERS or ALL GIRLS? and other than this, where have i said its only because of this reason girls dont want to live with their in laws? if you had bothered to read all my posts in this thread and the other one that was the base of this spin off thread, you would realize that i hold no such feelings about girls that wanna live on their own. i didnt take any side and DID say its not a clean cut case and each case is diff.
honestly ...
a) learn to read and UNDERSTAND
b) dont make it personal. i definately didnt.
c) dont even bother assuming how i have had it.. you dont have any idea nor do i care to educate you on the matter.