I have had a question in my mind for a long time and hopefully nobody will get offended by me asking it, but I was wondering why in our pakistani/indian culture, talking about human sexuality is considered wrong and/or a taboo ? Why do we as young adults have inhibitions about our sexual feelings ? I guess what I am trying to say is that in the western culture, its considered a “norm” and people of all ages talk about it but in our culture, you are looked down upon talking about such topics. Its not considered a good thing.
Is sexuality that bad ???
Any views on this topic or personal experiences ?
Again…I do not mean to offend anybody and I hope we can all be adults about this topic.
hmm i dunno, but i remember asking my sis-in-law (before she liked my bro) whether she liked anyone.. and if she ever did, whether she'd admit it... she was so embarrassed back then, her elder sis was the same. Now both are med/pharmacy students.. and talk about sexuality, having babies, growing up like they are talking bout clothes..
i think a lot is based on education and your surroundings.. also to do with the way your’re brought up. There are girls and guys in the west, who dont know a thing (thats me )
I don't think we should compare western culture with eastern culture. Both have different types of customs and beleifs. Sex topics are a bit of taboo in our culture because we have no concept of having sex before marriage or having it w/ multiple partners or having it in a variety of ways, etc...West does have this concept so they have to specially educate young people about what is safe and what is not...Pakistan has these problems too but on a very small scale. Maybe that's why it's a taboo for unmarried or young people to discuss these topics...but well, all these things are changing slowly...
BTW, my own personal experience has been very different. I have dicussed such topics w/ my mom number of times...plus I've seen quite a lot of desi girls discussing sexuality and many of them seem to know a lot of about it so I don't think most of desi young people are illiterate about these topics...it's quite the opposite!
I seem to recall a Hadith in which the a man got up for Fajr and went to bathe, but was ashamed to show that he was bathing (rather than simply doing his wudu) because it implied that he had had sex the night before. From what I recall of the Hadith, the Prophet (SAW) told him that there was nothing to be ashamed of. Anyone heard of this before? I'll search for it later.
Sex is not wrong but unfortunately taboo. I think this is actually very sad because this taboo keeps children from asking their parents when the are curious. We need to step beyond our embarrassment of such topics and address them. If we are not capable of the required level of maturity and honesty, I think that that is the real shame.
CA: I don't think sex is only taboo depending on whether or not there pre-marital relations. I think that many people are curious about reproduction, desire, etc whether or not they are sexually active. I think honestly and openly addressing these issues is important regardless of where one is.
Everyone should be educated about sexuality and body changes. Its sad to see that most girls in pakistan dont know anything about this stuff before they get married. People dont necessarily need to discuss it openly, but if there was proper education about it, it'll solve a lot of problems. At least u wont have 11-12 yr old girls screaming when they see blood in the bathroom
^ My mumani was shocked when she got pregnant within the first month of her marriage (she only realized she was pregnant when she started bleeding and having pains after going on rides at an amusement park). MashAllah everything was okay, but I think we need to make sure everyone is well-educated about such issues.
CA: I agree, many girls do talk to each other about this. But I think the fact that they are uncomfortable talking to adults can be detrimental.
hiccup it just depends.. i have two mamoos and their daughters are worlds apart (as in knowledge) one of em knows EVERYTHING.. i have to ask what things mean. Whereas my other mamoos kids dont know a thing (well now they do cus they have to know)
I think it depends on the people u hang out with... and yeah which pind one resides from
Hm. Here’s the Hadith I was talking about. It’s a bit different from what I remembered.
Volume 1, Book 5, Number 281:
Narrated Abu Huraira:
The Prophet came across me in one of the streets of Medina and at that time I was Junub. So I slipped away from him and went to take a bath. On my return the Prophet said, “O Abu Huraira! Where have you been?” I replied, “I was Junub, so I disliked to sit in your company.” The Prophet said, “Subhan Allah! A believer never becomes impure.”
CA: I don't think sex is only taboo depending on whether or not there pre-marital relations. I think that many people are curious about reproduction, desire, etc whether or not they are sexually active. I think honestly and openly addressing these issues is important regardless of where one is.
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Yes, I agree these topics should be discussed and they are discussed most of the times...Young desis do discuss these topics among themselves but elders do too w/ their kids when there's a need(ie. before marriage)... Don't think desis are illiterate about issues regarding sexuality. They do know a lot!
I see all your perspectives but I guess I am coming from the point of view that sexuality should be considered a "good" thing. I mean it doesn't have to be a bad thing. I mean women are creatures of nature too. Women have feelings also. The way it appears in our culture is that to talk about feeling a certain way is supposed to be bad. Which in my eyes is a shame. Women are "scared" of it instead of being calm and enjoying it. It should be a mutual display of affections and people should be okay about the "natural" feelings.
thanks for clarifying...yes, nobody is saying desis are illiterate, but the fact is that there are wrong messages out there about sexuality. The fact that it is bad and taboo. My point is that there is more good about it than bad and so why are people so negative ?
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*Originally posted by Diva4U: *
I see all your perspectives but I guess I am coming from the point of view that sexuality should be considered a "good" thing. I mean it doesn't have to be a bad thing. I mean women are creatures of nature too. Women have feelings also. The way it appears in our culture is that to talk about feeling a certain way is supposed to be bad. Which in my eyes is a shame. Women are "scared" of it instead of being calm and enjoying it. It should be a mutual display of affections and people should be okay about the "natural" feelings.
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I absolutely agree. I think it's a shame that a girl is considered "unnatural" if she enjoys sex. But this is not the case in just our culture. Most cultures I've encountered (including the Western culture) have an underlying notion that alludes to the belief that women are passive participants in sex and should not enjoy or desire it.
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*Originally posted by Diva4U: *
thanks for clarifying...yes, nobody is saying desis are illiterate, but the fact is that there are wrong messages out there about sexuality. The fact that it is bad and taboo. My point is that there is more good about it than bad and so why are people so negative ?
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^ Because the are uncomfortable and don't know how to broach the topic with others without making themselves look bad. Things are changing, I think, but I don't think it will be a quick and easy process.
I wonder if there was ever a time when it WASN'T such a taboo topic (I ask especially after looking again at all those fairly explicit Hadith).
)
:k: