Yeah, no talk here either. I even remember my mom being so uncomfortable telling me about monthly cycles when i had mine (i was really young). And the way she told me not to tell anyone (for example, abbu etc), i thought it was some embarassing and punishing act for some reason. I wish she had given me some explanation for it, like in medical terms. I am sure she didnt get it from my grandmother either and didnt knw any better. InshaAllah i can make it ebtter for my kids. But i dont know when i will do it.
hey,
well i was taught in school, high school. Here in the uk kids in primary school are being taught, unfortunately too early coz of the society we live in. I believe kids shud be taught during puberty, i know its toobo, BUT these days kids out there messing around, its important to let them know when there in school. Unfortunately the society we live in is no longer the same, the media really influences ppl, negatively, Music,/films/poronography messing ppl up, i wish their were better, intelligient, islamic and respectable role models to follow. im not being a hypocrite, i do watch movies /listen to music, but we all gotta becareful. Kids these days have changed, alot has changed in the last few years, Got to ARM your kids wid knowledge, as there is too much rubbish going on out there, in the uk and every where else, sorry 4 goin off topic, somethings just really wind me up, we accepting alot western values we dont need, theres good in the west, we should adopt those things rather than the filth.
I give this advice to myself b4 u all, were all gunghar, but do ur bit to save the ummah and urselves.
Another thing i had on my mind but forgot to mention in the initial post
sex is such a wide and varied topic...there's the basics/biology of it, and of course the religious aspect to it...not to mention the criminal part (rape, prostitution, trafficking etc)..don't know how much that latter part needs to be addressed during childhood tho...
oh and let's not forget the media, pornography, being "porn-star chic" etc.
and most of all the relationship part... having feelings fo rsomeone, wanting to date, etc...doesnt necessarily mean sex itself but all the relationship aspects to it
true, but we gotta teach kids to becareful, from strangers... young kids dont understand those things.. so good awareness.
I dont mean to be rude, plz forgive if its sounds it, but is it the norm to date in pak? i know in villages thats defo a no no, which i totally agree wid, but r some parents, in cities ok wid their daughters dating, coz i get the feeling it is :S
True, i heard this story, sorry to go off topic, im paraphrasing, but roughly it goes like this:
There was this very pious man, and for 60 years his islam was perfect, he was religious and very practising.
One day he seen a beautiful woman and committed Zina, for a few days. He returned to the mosque and within a few days he died.
When his GOOD/BAD DEEDS were counted,
THE 60 YEARS OF GOOD HE DID, DID NOT OUTWEIGH THE 6 DAYS OF ZINA HE COMMITTED!!!.
i remember when we heard this at an event , we were shocked, that one major sin can WIPE OUT A LIFETIME OF GOOD, serious, it was the small good deed he did in the mosque, like sharing food, which weighed out his bad deeds.
i hope Allah swt protects us from the haram and guides us on 'Sirat ul Mustaqeem'
the straight path. Inshallah. May Allah swt forgive me for my mistakes in the message, the story.
Khair,
LOL
Yeah, my husband received a light slap on the arm as recently as last year----he was talking to his sis who was in Pakistan at the time and a few months pregnant. He hadn't seen her in awhile and asked her if her belly was out yet--his mom was standing next to him and not too happy with that question! :)
Hehehehe. My bro asked me how my pregnancy was going...I was telling my brother about baby movements and my mom gave me the most evil stare....and told me in my generation we NEVER talked that openly...etc....im like geez. He has a daughter, and i am having 2nd kid...please where is the shame??
In grade 7 I got to know that babies are born and delivered and how babies are created. I always knew it as allah mia se basket mai atey hain bachey. Mom and dad never told me! The whole biology class I was in shock and my friend was like it's true!! I was arguing with the professor and telling that noo my mom said babies come in a basket from Allah lol
Hehehehe. My bro asked me how my pregnancy was going...I was telling my brother about baby movements and my mom gave me the most evil stare....and told me in my generation we NEVER talked that openly...etc....im like geez. He has a daughter, and i am having 2nd kid...please where is the shame??
Afro, that's so funny! Yeah, I made the mistake of mentioning in my FIL's presence a couple months ago that I was going to have a baby shower for my SIL. He got very bent out of shape and said that back in the village, no one talks about these things and they don't even know a woman is having a baby until the baby is born! I did the baby shower anyway but kept it on the down-low from the older folks. :) My MIL was cute about the whole thing---she took my husband quietly aside and whispered, "Tell her don't worry, I'll have a baby shower for her when the time comes." :)
A bit off topic perhaps, but as an aside, but I do have a six-year-old niece who will still sit around with her skirt hiked up above her undies. I love her dearly, but every time I see this I wonder what her mom is thinking to not teach her to keep her skirt down.
this really bugs me too. my husband's cousin was over from europe with his two kids. his daughter is 6 too and the entire time they were visiting our place, her skirt was hiked up all the way, and my husband and her own father were sitting there too. it made me so uncomfortable... i really just wanted to reach over and pull her skirt down.
as in most desi households, sex ed was completely off topic in our house, and to be honest, i never really wondered. i found out in grade 8 or 9 biology class-- our teacher was very pregnant at one point, and outside of teaching us the ins and outs of our bodies, she'd also say things like, labour pain is 100 times worse than your monthly cramps. let me tell you, she scared the crap out of all of us with that statement.
things are a lot more open now between mum and i re: pregnancy and precautions and all that. i mean, we don't discuss the details but i can have a conversation about her regarding this stuff and its not uncomfortable for either of us. my dad is more conservative, bless him, but then i wouldn't speak to him about this either, so its ok.
i think for our kids we'll probably tackle it together.
Ok so same as everyone else it wasn’t really mentioned…at least it was between me and my mom and my dad never “knew”…so imagine my surprise when my mom openly started talking about pregnancy in front of my dad.
I have to say the whole desi pregnancy taboo thing really caught me by surprise–I mean, I can understand not openly discussing sex, but I guess I put pregnancy in a separate category! In my time in the Middle East, even in conservative families, pregnancy was never this huge embarrassment/hush-hush type of deal. Although I’ve never lived in the Gulf—perhaps there they are closer to the desi perspective.
^ not really… i used to live in dubai so i can say from observation that being pregnant wasn’t a huge deal there. i think they more of those fab designer preggo clothes stores there than here. it might be because of the large number of expats there too- they’re generally more open than, for eg. saudia arabia.
i think that mentality varies from family to family- in pakistan, its considered more of a taboo subject maybe because its a visual reminder that you and your husband had sex and that makes people uncomfortable? d’oh!
my family has its quirks, but AH, they’re not bizarre about pregnancy. iA i’ll be sharing my scans, the baby’s movements, all the ups and downs with them, and i can’t wait!
and another thing, i’m all for wearing smart, fitted, appropriate clothing and reveling in the experience, instead of walking around in a frickin’ tent because its “shameful”. and so many pregnant women in pakistan just seem to socially disappear and when you do see them, they’ve got these huge chaadar’s wrapped around them as if to hide their belly.
i mean, honestly. its the singular, most miraculous and blessed experience you could have in your life, as a human being- to not only create a baby but to then grow it inside you and give it strength. it is definitely nothing to be ashamed of or horrified by. can you tell that attitude is a pet peeve of mine? grrrr.
When I was in year 5, we were told about puberty and sex. It was a real shock for me.. I mean when I grew up I was told Allah sends the baby down to hospital and then mommy/daddy get a call to go and pick it up I totally believed it, like really truly believed it. I didn’t ever question it either.. a lot of the kids when I was still like 7-8ish would say stuff about it that they had overheard their parents saying or from good old bollywood but I dunno why I never really picked up on what they would say.. I was toooo satisfied with the explanation I already had
My sister is 7 and veryyyy curious as to how babies are born. I told her the story about the baby being a gift from Allah to the parents, since my mom suddenly goes deaf when she asks.. :halo: I think she’s okay with that for now.. I’ll explain things properly when she’s older (God knows how ) but I suppose I’m lucky in one sense.. whenever her friends say things or she overhears anything (generally) she always comes running to me for clarifications and is reassured when I give them to her. I couldn’t do that when I was growing up, which often left me totally confused & clueless.
NYCGori and others, i wish i could understand why diuscussing pregnancy within family is a taboo. My parents were horrified when i shared our good news with my siblings. They called and talked to my husband about it who didnt agree with sharing either but went with it since it was my wish. I didnt like it much but did keep sharing my scans etc with the siblings. Since my baby is the first one in the family, they were super excited and i didnt want to rob them of it. I mean they could obviously see i was pregnant so why ignore it?
When I was younger and asked about where babies come from, my mother told me in all seriousness that you just pray for it, then a baby starts growing inside you, then a doctor cuts open your belly and takes it out. I asked if that happened to her, she said yes. I asked if she had a scar from the operation, she said yes. I asked to see the scar, and she said later (when I was younger), and then "no" when I was older.
Finally when I was 11 I read a biology book in the library and started to realise things were different. Then when I was 13 my school sent a letter saying we would have sex ed classes. I remember my other reading out the letter - from the tone of her voice I could tell that she was thinking "Thanks God we'll never have to have THAT conversation with him!"
When i was younger i was told, babies come in baskets, Allah Tallah sends them, if boy then with blue balloons n stuff n grl then pink..hehe funny! I believed this for such a long time... later when in teenyrs, i thot when u get married u get a baby automatically,how No clue. Then thought when hubby n wife sleep together, they hug (skin touch) they get a baby.... i guess few years later after that i got to know the reality.. but never ever talked about such things with parents...
I totally believed it, like really truly believed it. I didn’t ever question it either.. a lot of the kids when I was still like 7-8ish would say stuff about it that they had overheard their parents saying or from good old bollywood but I dunno why I never really picked up on what they would say.. I was toooo satisfied with the explanation I already had 