Growing up, what did your parents tell you about sex, if they told you anything at all?
was it ever spoken about?
This was brought on by a post stating that we’re taught to put sex in a bad light… but i’m not sure I agree with that.
And how would you educate your children with regards to sex? The biology of it then the other messy stuff about it?
I asked my hubby about this, and he says his parents never said a word to him about sex. He says the sum of his Pakistani schooling+parental guidance on the deed was this:
a) In a high school biology class in Pakistan, a very vague description of reproduction that went something like, “Sperm meets egg, and cells begin multiplication.”
b) He claims that on our wedding night his dad took him aside and just said to him, “Be gentle.” But I think he might be pulling my leg on that one. 
Re: Sex education
I was given sex education at school and my parents signed a cosent form saying i could attend.
In my house it wasnt spoken about but it wasnt put in a bad light either.
It wasnt something that was disgusting, like many desis families put it.
Re: Sex education
The first time sex ed came up was when I was in year 5. So my mum got the letter home saying you’re daughter will be learning about sex ed and puberty blah blah. She was like, okay listen to what they say and watch it but I don’t want you mentioning it outside of those lessons! I was like woah, is it that bad? Turned out it wasn’t all that anyways. :no:
But my mum keeps all that talk to a minimum, even at this age she just genuinely feels uncomfortable talking about stuff like that, probably because I’m her daughter? I’m the one who has to pass on the info to the sisters 
Although kids these days work it all out for themselves anyways. Heck they get taught all of it in year 7! (age 12)
Re: Sex education
We were given sex education at school, but when we were young, my mother also gave us the conversation about "the birds and the bees" as my father did so for my brother.... it's when things are considered to be a "taboo" that children, especially in this day and age, start becoming promiscuous...
Re: Sex education
^ I udnno about that
here sex is seen as pretty normal and yet you have little kids (okay HS-ers) even junior high school kids, getting pregnant or at least messing around.
I grew up in Pakistan from a modest family and I was never told a single word about sex. I dont remember even a hint about that. Rather, I remember once watching an indian movie, (now you would laugh), I asked rather exclaimed about someone getting pregnant before marriage that how is it possible and I recieved a very cold scold from my mom. I got it as a strict NO-NO and never repeated that again. :)
I grew up in Pakistan from a modest family and I was never told a single word about sex. I dont remember even a hint about that. Rather, I remember once watching an indian movie, (now you would laugh), I asked rather exclaimed about someone getting pregnant before marriage that how is it possible and I recieved a very cold scold from my mom. I got it as a strict NO-NO and never repeated that again. :)
LOL
Yeah, my husband received a light slap on the arm as recently as last year----he was talking to his sis who was in Pakistan at the time and a few months pregnant. He hadn't seen her in awhile and asked her if her belly was out yet--his mom was standing next to him and not too happy with that question! :)
Re: Sex education
I was told sex without marriage is a big sin.
LOL Yeah, my husband received a light slap on the arm as recently as last year----he was talking to his sis who was in Pakistan at the time and a few months pregnant. He hadn't seen her in awhile and asked her if her belly was out yet--his mom was standing next to him and not too happy with that question! :)
lol.... Ya I can totally imagine that.....
even right now if I go back to my eldest sis in Pakistan,she doesnt tell me directly if someone is pregnant... I have to use my "observation".. talking about sex in family, aahh near to impossible!!
Re: Sex education
Like all normal boys of Pakistan, I learned about sex from street by over hearing those gandi gandi galiyan that guys used to give to each other and later on doing my homework to learn the actual meaning of those galiyan
Re: Sex education
^^
I first heard about it in high school, umm, 9th grade, when one of my teacher’s got pregnant and her belly went big and one of my classmates said “ooo she must have done it.” So a bunch of us connected our biology lesson with that and came to the conclusion. Then the question of me having born came up, and like all normal children, I thought my parents would never indulge in such a disgusting activity so I quickly dismissed that thought.
Anyhoo, then soon after, in college, a few Bollywood movies and gossiping with my buddies you become much more aware, and eventually when I left my home country to come here for further studies, mom sat me down and gave me the famous lecture.
So getting to the second part of Sara's question, how do you all plan to break the big birds and bees news to your kids?
I don't have kids yet, so I guess I won't know for sure until they reach that age, but I honestly don't think I'll have a hard time having a pretty frank and open discussion with them. My husband has already indicated to me that he will probably sink into the earth with embarrassment if he has to do it, so I may have to handle both boys and girls. But I tend to just not be too embarrassed by all that stuff, which is funny/ironic because until I was in college the very mention of sex made me want to crawl under a rock.
I think around the age of 11 or so is good to start discussing this stuff, though if my kids initiated questions before them I would answer them. And yes, I would also include the moral elements of no premarital sex, no girlfriends/boyfriends, that sex is for married people, etc.---and when they go to college I'll just have to make dua that the lessons stuck. :)
Re: Sex education
Heeeeuuuuu good point NYCG… 
You know, i try to follow in the footsteps of my parents, in terms of how they brought us up, but i just dont understand how they parented us so well, and with such strength and vigour…they were very fran and open when discussing these thigns with us…
But the prospect of discussing these kinda things (e.g. explaining the birds and bees, boys, recreational activities) to MY children really scares me… i think i may leave it to the hubby, as he can explain better from an islamic/medical perspective… i just get too emotional…
I think i’m scared cos they’re my babies… and i don’t want them to grow up 
Re: Sex education
Another thing i had on my mind but forgot to mention in the initial post
sex is such a wide and varied topic...there's the basics/biology of it, and of course the religious aspect to it...not to mention the criminal part (rape, prostitution, trafficking etc)..don't know how much that latter part needs to be addressed during childhood tho...
oh and let's not forget the media, pornography, being "porn-star chic" etc.
and most of all the relationship part... having feelings fo rsomeone, wanting to date, etc...doesnt necessarily mean sex itself but all the relationship aspects to it
Re: Sex education
When I was in pakistan some patakha girl came over told us about the "act" and another girl said - "oh we are muslim we don't do that. My parents never did that and there must be another way"
We all said stupidly - "oh yes - there must be another way" - I actually believe that until I was 16
Re: Sex education
My mom is an OBGYN and the topic never came up. She would just start blushing or just didn't get the nerve.
My dad basically sat us down when we were teenagers and just talked briefly about it. Most of it we got from our friends, the biology book diagrams.
In 4th grade - my parents talked to principal and pulled me out of SEX ED. I sat in the playground by myself during the month where they covered that topic.
How embarassing.
Re: Sex education
grade 2= man has penis, female has vagina.
grade 3-6 = pretty much the same thing as above.
grade 7 = how we make babies.
grade 9= inisde penis, inside vaginva etc etc.z
gade 10= had indian teacher and he didnt even talk about it. Just said " you already know this stuff from previous years we dont have to go over it again" lolz lolz
Re: Sex education
Mum explained it all to me. Even bought me books! :)
Another thing i had on my mind but forgot to mention in the initial post
sex is such a wide and varied topic...there's the basics/biology of it, and of course the religious aspect to it...not to mention the criminal part (rape, prostitution, trafficking etc)..don't know how much that latter part needs to be addressed during childhood tho... oh and let's not forget the media, pornography, being "porn-star chic" etc.
and most of all the relationship part... having feelings fo rsomeone, wanting to date, etc...doesnt necessarily mean sex itself but all the relationship aspects to it
Yeah, there are really so many other connecting issues. I do know that I want to make sure my children understand from a really early age about certain parts being private and good touching/bad touching, yelling 'no' and running to another adult if anyone tries to mess with them.
A bit off topic perhaps, but as an aside, but I do have a six-year-old niece who will still sit around with her skirt hiked up above her undies. I love her dearly, but every time I see this I wonder what her mom is thinking to not teach her to keep her skirt down. :) Same thing with little boys and playing with themselves. So although I'm not super-obsessed with dress codes per se, I think teaching basic modesty and awareness that certain parts are private from an early age will be an important part of my parenting.