Sex Education & Muslim Youth

Society Religion & Philosophy
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Re: Sex Education & Muslim Youth

Wth is a muslim pov of sex? The memo was sent a long time ago - it is quite universal and has no religious connotations (except for a few to whom sex is their religion!)

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Re: Sex Education & Muslim Youth

It means that a muslim youth does not indulge in it before proper marriage and also not indulge in what leads to it before proper marriage and they realize the religious implications of it.

i want dimples.
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Re: Sex Education & Muslim Youth

Children should never be taught that their genitals are dirty or disgusting, and that touching them or deriving pleasure from them is wrong. What we learn as children becomes hardwired in our brains, and isn't easily changed. Children should be taught that it is natural to have sexual feelings, it's natural to derive pleasure from touching themselves, but they should also be taught enough self respect to know with whom to engage in these activities. They should be taught that no one should force or coerce them into these activities, and they should only be done will full knowledge of all the consequences.

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Re: Sex Education & Muslim Youth

Let me explain my thought process here.

There are several different things that are kinda inter-mixed in this discussion.

  1. First, a discussion about puberty. Hair growth. Hormones. And other bodily changes. Whether you discuss these with your kids or not, they will go through these changes in the natural course of time. It helps to educate the kids so they are not confused by the changes in their bodies. It used to be that girls will reach puberty first (about age 9 and above) and boys reach puberty a bit later (age 11 and above). These days, its probably safe to assume that kids reach these stages a bit earlier (don't ask me why :)) Anyway, so there is some education that needs to happen. Kids need to understand what changes are taking place in their bodies, how to combat body odors, and generally be mindful of whats going on. Girls need knowledge about menstruation etc. This is all scientific knowledge, and doesn't really matter which religion you belong to. You can either do it yourself or you can have the school impart this knowledge, with follow-up discussions at home.

  2. Second is the discussion on masturbation and sex. While there are scientific studies that suggest that very small kids may also indugle in masturbation, its safe to assume that they do it unknowingly, so lets start our discussion for kids that have reached puberty. Parents should determine when is the right age and right time for this discussion.

  3. Third and most important is the cultural and religious values discussion. There can be many precursors to this talk. The real important thing is to carefully explain what and why of your rationale and your values to your kids. Its probably not good enough to say "don't do this", but more about "why not do this". You want to educate your kids so they can make intelligent decisions even when you are not around (when they go to college etc). Provide them good values as to what is acceptable and not acceptable in our value system. If pre-marital sexual relations, pre-marital gf/bf relations are not acceptable, explain that and also explain the reasons (Islamic and others). Explain "peer pressure" and how you expect your child to make the right decisions at every point. You want your kids to be convinced of the reasons and not simply be non-responsive. Be a good role model for kids and then re-emphasize this discussion periodically. Its not like a one-time shot; and then you forget about it.

"Where do babies come from" discussion should be age-appropriate. If you are expecting a new baby and your 3-yrs old child asks this question, your answer will be different than when you are explaining this to a 9 or a 12 year year old.

IMV the whole "how to perform sex" etc, discussion can wait till you believe your child is ready to have sexual relations. It is at that time you explain contraceptives and safe sex and other assorted ideas. You figure out when is the right time for that.

And most important, rule of thumb: DON'T EVER LIE TO YOUR CHILDREN. If they ask a question which has a very grown-up answer, either distract the child, playfully skip around or explain that they will get the answer at the appropriate age. You are the grown-up. Surely you can skip around a question if you chose not answer, especially when talking to a kid whose age is in single digits. Trust me, kids some times ask questions that will just stump you as "where did they even think of this thing". Kids see television, they read books, skimp through newspapers, talk to friends, over-hear grown-ups. In short they have plenty of sources to come up with wild questions. You want to establish a relationship of trust with your kids, where they know you won't lie to them. Don't breach that trust. You may choose not to answer their question, but don't feed them bull.

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Re: Sex Education & Muslim Youth

USResident: If you want advice, I’d say talk to them about it clearly and honestly when they ask you questions. If they haven’t asked you a question by the time they hit late middle school, entering high school, you should pretty much suspect they’ve learned it from someone else. Giving them educational materials and explaining it in terms that are more scientific and also in terms that are religious helps a great deal.

I already shared my story of how I learned about it, but I doubt most kids are learning it the same way. No one I know learned about it by looking things up in encyclopedias and at the library. But its not a bad way to go about it. I knew from the get-go that sex wasn’t something to act silly or immaturely about it, and that it was a very precisely timed event: the making of a baby. There are steps and stages, and then there are repercussions, etc. Like in 7th grade, we had a project to take care of an egg ( :rolleyes: my middle school was too ghetto to get us dolls, and even more ghetto that they asked US to buy our own eggs) and pretend it was our baby. Needless to say, it was pretty easy to break the egg and many kids did. I don’t know how effective it was…most of us thought the project was a joke. But there are really good videos that you can get that show the process of how the egg and sperm unite at a cellular level and how that transforms into a baby.

I think our masjids need to do more in this regard. Would it hurt to have a program where school kids can get together and talk about their peer pressures and maybe speak to someone who had an early pregnancy out of wedlock to find out how hard it is? The problem is that our population is so short-sided that many would object to even having such a female speaker even enter their masjid!

One thing that was very effective: Showing us a video of a live birth. When you’re a kid, that kind of thing scares you. And again, there would be protest because people would say that’s like showing porn to your child. I saw the video in 7th grade, a complement to the egg assignment. It was ridiculously scary. I was too scared to talk to guys all throughout high school. Now that’s effective birth control.

Even if you don’t want to broach some of those issues at a young age, you should begin to talk to your kids about puberty, esp when they start entering it! And its not always obvious! Girls will get pubic hair and nipple enlargement and you’ll have no clue, because by that age, you’re no longer bathing your child. And she might not even tell you about. Things like that - very imporant. You want to make sure your kid is respectful and understanding about these things so that he/she isn’t the jerk standing in the lunch line making dirty jokes and making fun of the kid with zits on his face or a strong adult body odor.

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Re: Sex Education & Muslim Youth

then what will people do with hoors :(
dunia main bi hoor na mili and jannah main bi hoor kam ki na nikli :(

~**~ Aaaj aap ne Dinner main kaya khaya ~**~
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Re: Sex Education & Muslim Youth

"kam ki na nikli"?????

What kind of attitude is that towards females. We're not your pieces of a%%.

Touchstones of humanity!
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JAK for the replies Pico, Matinee, Faisal and PCG.

I think I was looking for specific experiences with regards to how to keep your children convinced that pre-marital sex or exteraneous relations are forbidden among muslims.

From the replies I gather that it is important to emphasize the absoluteness of DO NOT EVER INDULGE IN ANY SORT OF PRE-MARITAL RELATIONS. This is the yardstick.

Now as for ways how we enforce this in our children is what is important. The discussions about bodily changes are in my opinion important as far as growing up is concerned but not as much in inculcating the values we need to in our children.

My real concern is how do we inculcate a set of values in them in which they know what the muslim norms are and they are able to steer clear of indulgences which are to the contrary.

For instance as Picoico said, in his/her upbringing there was an absoluteness regarding this subject and the fact that we are muslim already separates our identity in a crowd. What are the things that make our children feel good about being separate and not give into peer pressure so that one day your child does not come and ask you all my friends date, why can't i do it. Its not like I'm getting married. Don't you trust me.

Or this phenomenon of muslim dating i.e. muslims kids going out with each other. How do we make sure they do not cross the norms? Following up what Picoico stated, more discussions in the community actually are actually removing some of the barriers of permissiveness which will be needed when our muslim children are in a crowd where such barriers are required.

Or like PCG said, have discussions in the masajid by actual people who have gone through early pregnancies and elaborate on the fateful consequences of it.

Overall, educating your child is needed but does not do the job of setting the moral standards in the child. It just opens a world of options as if the options are valid at a certain age whether you are married or not.

What have people done or what did your parents do to keep you morally upright enough to stay away from this ever thinking or indulging in UnIslamic relationships.

Please everyone carry on this discussion.

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JazakAllah Khair All for writing more appropriate posts … I have gathered the information necessary to justify my points and address the question of bro. USResident more definitively, which are gathered from many sources both Shi’a and Sunni.

To Summarise:

For Muslims who think it is okay for children to play or touch themselves:

To explore the najiz regions either for a child or adult it is considered dirty and indecent. Surely, when we touch these regions out of necessity we must wash our hands, the washing of hands has before it a sense not only of manners but of scientific wisdom because the najiz regions are breeding grounds for bacteria, due to the warm and moist environment. For Muslims to promote or allow the touching of privates they should read up the story of Uthman (RA) who was given two of the daughters of Muhammad (SAW) in marriage due to his shyness. Even the angels were shy of him and he was even shy when behind closed doors in private lest the jinn were looking, in a report I heard that he never even looked at himself due to his chastity. This is the standard we cannot possibly achieve but we should realise that is the example of excellence we need to aspire towards. We cannot do this by allowing our children to play with themselves.

For Non-Muslims and Muslim alike who think it is a ‘good’ thing to let children explore their bodies:

If the argument being used is that touching oneself is natural and by explaining the body to children is ‘good’ then this will not only serve to increase the chances of sexual deviancy, due to there being no increased state of arousal when in adulthood but it is a lie for the norms of society, that the so called scientists are subjecting the current populous to.

Compare Uthman (RA) story above to the man in a city who wears jeans three sizes too big with his hand down his boxers. Or think what it would be like if a man or woman in a meeting or in the office were to have their hand down their trousers or skirt it is inevitable to raise the response of disgust. Furthermore young children are always touching things and putting them in their mouth, they will more than likely do this with everything they can feel to test its taste, they may do this with their privates after touching them, will you then wash your child’s hands and prevent them from touching? Even when they are older and marginally more sensible at the age of 11 say, will you look at your children after they masturbate and say “Wash your hands afterwards before you have your dinner son” … ??? … SubhanAllah we live in an American Pie age !!!

To address the issue of preventing the children from adultery or fornication:

Well we need to set two things a criterion to aim towards and a criterion to avoid.

The aim towards should be close to the life of Uthman (RA) who was admired due to his shyness.

The aim to avoid should be by relating the stark context of zina … that it is the WORST sin after SHIRK. For reference read below:

Peace

http://www.al-islam.org/encyclopedia/chapter7/2.html

In the Book Morals and Manners in Islam - A Guide to Islamic Adab by Marwan Ibrahim Al-Kaysi
Section Bodily Functions, Relieving oneself, point 8 it states: “It is indecent for a Muslim
to look at his private parts or excretion” Islamic Foundation 1989.

http://www.soundvision.com/info/life/porn/isporn.asp

Uthmaan (Radhiallaahu Anhu) was an extremely modest man. Once Rasulullah (Sallallaahu alayhi Wasallam)
was resting on the ground in the house of Aaisha (Radiyallahu anha) when his shin became exposed.
Abu Bakr (Radhiallaahu Anhu) asked for permission and entered the house. Then Umar (Radhiallaahu Anhu)
asked for permission and entered the house. Thereafter Uthmaan (Radhiallaahu Anhu) sought permission to enter.
Rasulullah (Sallallaahu layhi Wasallam) permitted him to enter and covered his shin (properly). After they had all
gone, Aaisha (Radiyallahu anha) asked Rasulullah (Sallallaahu alayhi Wasallam) the reason for covering his shin.
He replied, Why should I not be shy of the person of whom the Malaaikah (Angels) are shy.?(Mishkaat p.560)

The Prophet said to Uthman: “If I had forty daughters, I would have wedded them with you one after the other,
until no one of them was left”.

Firdaws

The Shyness of ‘Uthman (radiya Allahu Anh)

Al-Hasan (radiya Allahu Anh) said describing
his shyness:

“He might be in the house with the door closed,
might not take off his garment to pour water over
his body. Shyness prevented him from holding
his back upright.” [1]

His shyness was unique.‘Uthman (radiya Allahu Anh)
was not only shy from people, but also felt shy from
the invisible jinn and angels he knew existed.

Anas (radiya Allahu Anh) narrated that the Prophet,
Sallallahu `alayhe wa sallam, said:

The most kind of my nation is Abu Bakr.The most
stern regarding the religion of Allah is ‘Umar.And the
most truthful in shyness is ‘Uthman.” [2]

[1] Musnad Ahmad 543.
[2] Reported by Ibn ‘Askir.

In explaining the meaning of the verse concerning Hell,
“It has seven gates, to each of these gates a class (of sinners) is assigned.” (15:44);
`Ataa says: “The most severe of these gates in terms of heat, pain, sorrow, and stinking
air is the gate for the doers of fornication,
who did it (even) after knowing the awfulness of it.”

http://www.islaam.com/Article.aspx?id=132

The Prophet said, “There is no sin after shirk greater in the sight of Allah
than a drop of semen which a man places in the womb which is not lawful for him.”
[Al-Bukhaari, Kitabul-Hudood]

Imam Ahmad said: “I do not know of any sin after murder that is worse than zina.”

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I always wondered........what would be the benefit/harm of telling children how amazing sex actually feels?? as opposed to telling them......that it was disgusting??

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Peace,

Oky guyz lets move on.