Sex Education & Muslim Youth

[Submission_To_Peace]

Studies have shown that the average teenager and preteen receive their sex education from the following sources in order of priority:
1- Friends, who may then share pornographic magazines, books, and Internet

2- TV and movies, which then lead to magazines and newspapers, or school (video or discussions of video), parents (through discussion of TV and movies)

Should parents educate their children if they don’t find any “appropriate” place where their childen can attend classes. At what age should they be educated and to what extent ? Should it be a step by step process ? How to prevent over education ?(avoiding sick things rising from western media)

[Submission_To_Peace]

Re: Sex Education & Muslim Youth

A good article written by Dr. Ahmed Adam I would try to summarize the main points.

Sex is portrayed daily in various forms/ images-directly or indirectly-in all sources of communication.

“Everyone” is influenced by it, most parents find it “delicate” to discuss. Children, maturing faster, ask intelligent questions. Few parents try to satisfy their natural curiosity. Others don’t know how to handle them & assume that the less said of sex, the better. In some homes children are reprimanded for asking related innocent questions. Parents assume that as they grow up “they will learn,” or that the school/ friends are “responsible” for sharing this knowledge. Parents with this view are overlooking a useful source of correct information themselves! Children have the right to be given an unbiased view of sex, based on the Qur’an and the Sunnah of Prophet (saw).

Sex is a fashionable industry and a topic that advertisers/ marketers effectively use to sell their products. The sources of information available to the preteen are often biased. Illusions are created that everyone is having sex … in these modern times, anything goes … you only live once, so make the most of it.

With "planned" marketing, society comes to accept abnormal activities as normal. Ten years ago, what was considered abnormal, unthinkable, abhorrent, immoral, and shameful, is today considered fashionable, normal, and modern. A few episodes of any prime-time soap opera on TV, and one feels that adultery is acceptable and normal. We have reached a stage (through effective marketing) where certain individuals in society justify everything by their right to freedom of expression.

..............to be continued

[Submission_To_Peace]

Re: Sex Education & Muslim Youth

Recent research has shown that two-thirds of the schools in America are now promoting the idea of “no sex before marriage” and that “safe sex” is not the use of condoms, but safe sex is “no sex before marriage,” and only one sex partner for life (no adultery). Furthermore, many states in the US are promoting the idea of having pride in remaining a virgin until marriage, and many students are signing certificates vowing their commitment to this new “fashion” of abstinence.

[MatineeSiren]

Re: Sex Education & Muslim Youth

Abstinence-only sexuality programs don't work. There is little evidence that teens who participate in abstinence-only programs abstain from intercourse longer than others. It is known, however that when they do become sexually active, teens who received abstinence-only education often fail to use condoms or other contraceptives. In fact, 88 percent of students who pledged virginity in middle school and high school still engage in premarital sex. The students who break this pledge are less likely to use contraception at first intercourse, and they have similar rates of sexually transmitted infections as non-pledgers (Bearman and Brueckner, 2001; Walters, 2005).
(Bearman, P.S. & H. Brueckner. (2001). "Promising the Future: Virginity Pledges and First Intercourse." American Journal of Sociology, 106(4), 859–912.)

[Sara516]

Re: Sex Education & Muslim Youth

Recent research has shown that two-thirds of the schools in America are now promoting the idea of “no sex before marriage” and that “safe sex” is not the use of condoms, but safe sex is “no sex before marriage,” and only one sex partner for life (no adultery). Furthermore, many states in the US are promoting the idea of having pride in remaining a virgin until marriage, and many students are signing certificates vowing their commitment to this new “fashion” of abstinence.

And if you do more research, you notice that abstinence-only education is still controversial and on the whole doesn't work. Those students who sign the virginity pledges are more likely to contract sexually transmitted diseases b/c they don't know any better. abstinence only education is like...don't go out in the rain, but if you do go out in the rain get wet and sick. Parents should be the first teachers, it is a lil embarrassing but it's better that kids learn from parents than to find out through friends and media.

[MatineeSiren]

Re: Sex Education & Muslim Youth

There’s a lot more information on this site:
http://www.plannedparenthood.org/issues-action/sex-education/abstinence-6236.htm

You can refer to their citations and sources. Abstinence only education does not work.

[Mirch]

Re: Sex Education & Muslim Youth

@MatineeSiren

There’s a lot more information on this site:
http://www.plannedparenthood.org/issues-action/sex-education/abstinence-6236.htm

You can refer to their citations and sources. Abstinence only education does not work.

So what works ? Please enlighten me ? I am a parent of a teen and a preteen boy.

[TeenDabbyWala]

Re: Sex Education & Muslim Youth

I think the original post was about a Muslim Pakistani perspective. All the replies so far have been about US.

[MatineeSiren]

Re: Sex Education & Muslim Youth

So what works ? Please enlighten me ? I am a parent of a teen and a preteen boy.

What works is giving them the facts about sex, and teaching them self respect so that they don't falter under pressure to have sex before they're ready.

The point is that you can't control your kids, you can merely guide them in the healthiest direction. That's all that needs to be done :)

[MatineeSiren]

Re: Sex Education & Muslim Youth

I think the original post was about a Muslim Pakistani perspective. All the replies so far have been about US.

I saw no mention of Pakistan in the posting, but I did see a mention of virginity contracts in US states.

[Submission_To_Peace]

Re: Sex Education & Muslim Youth

@Mirch

So what works ? Please enlighten me ? I am a parent of a teen and a preteen boy.

Children daily face mages from TV, movies, videos, Internet, newspapers, magazines, and books about* **“sexual revolution.” ***Young minds are being brainwashed with ideas that morals, modesty, and values are old-fashioned. If we do not tell our children about the facts of life and what is acceptable moral behavior from a cultural, and, more importantly, from an Islamic viewpoint, then we should share the blame with our children.

Advice to a Preteen Daughter

Your body is now undergoing various changes that will prepare you to be a woman. With these changes comes the responsibility that you will one day be a mother. Your body will undergo various changes in the size of your breasts, face, height, weight, as well as the onset of a flow of menstrual blood on a regular basis every month-this is nothing to be scared of, it is Allah Most High’s miracle, where your womb is made ready every month to receive an egg for fertilization.

These changes are coming much earlier in this generation compared to a few decades ago. Children are maturing much faster than we can ever imagine. In previous generations, young girls started menstruating from the age of 13 years; today, girls as young as 9 years are beginning to menstruate. This means that if you have sex at this age, you can become pregnant. If you become pregnant at this age, your life will be shattered and the whole course of your life will be changed. Your dreams, goals, and wishes to pursue a career may have to be postponed or abandoned forever.
You must be happy with your own body. Your body will undergo various hormonal changes, which will lead to emotional changes and mood fluctuations as well as pimples. This is a time for conflict with everyone, and parents have to restrain themselves and discuss issues with love and understanding. The main word of caution for you is to avoid peer pressure from your friends, who will encourage you to start experimenting with kissing and sex. Some teenagers can make very hurtful remarks and may make you feel very isolated if you do not participate. Don’t listen to them. You must have enough confidence in yourself that you are following the commands laid down by Allah Most High and you should simply say “No, I am not interested.” It will be a decision that you will never regret. Particularly avoid the older boys and men. They will shower you with gifts, flowers, and false proclamations of love, but they are simply throwing out a net to get you into bed so that you lose your virginity. They will then dump you and go to the next unsuspecting girl. You will have lost various personal things in the process:
1. You will have lost your virginity.
2. You will have contravened the Qur’anic injunction not to commit fornication (zina).
3. You may well have gained an unwanted pregnancy (many girls still have the mistaken myth that they cannot fall pregnant after their first sexual encounter.)
4. You may have gained a sexually transmitted disease (including HIV/AIDS). 5. There are no cures for some sexual diseases: herpes and genital warts, for example. Some diseases, if not properly treated, can lead to infertility and you will not be able to have children. Or they lead to an increased incidence of cancer of the cervix (entrance to the womb).

Advice to a Preteen Son

Your body is undergoing various changes that will prepare you to enter adulthood so that one day you can be a father. You will notice changes in your voice; you may develop acne and hair on various parts of your body. Nocturnal emission is common at this age, as well as mood swings. Your natural body odors will increase, so it is important for you to bathe regularly and pay special attention to personal hygiene. Your body will be growing rapidly and you will need to eat a lot, exercise a lot, and sleep a lot to allow your body to gain maximum physical benefits.
You will be encouraged or ridiculed by some of your friends to have sex with a girl. You should be confident in your abilities as a freethinking individual to make your own choices based on the Qur’an and the Sunnah of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him). You should treat all girls and women with respect, kindness, and courtesy-not as a commodity that can be used, abused, and thrown aside. You will see advertisements on TV and in newspapers and magazines that in order to avoid HIV/AIDS, you should use a condom. Remember that this is not what Islam teaches us. Islam says safe sex is “no sex before marriage.” Indulge in all activities that will develop your mind, body, and spirit within the framework of Islam. These are wonderful years that you are going through, free of responsibility (except the homework!).

Try to be the best “you” you can be..

source: shawuniversitymosque.org

[psyah]

Re: Sex Education & Muslim Youth

Peace All

My son is 3 and he already knows that women hold babies in their tummies, he knows where breast milk is made too.

People often confuse especially in non-religious institutions sexual maturity education with sex education. The latter is what is wrong. We can not possibly teach about sex, connect it with love and enjoyment and then require the children not to practice it.

What we need to do is teach that it is disgusting and sinful, to avoid touching or looking as much as possible, due to it being 'dirty' only then can innocence be maintained as long as possible.

[Seminole]

Re: Sex Education & Muslim Youth

Innumerous societal injustices, discrimination, rapes, ignorance, unwanted pregnancies, doomed marriages, growth and emotional problems and untold other problems result from teaching kids that sex is disgusting and filthy. Now teaching them that it is sinful - yes, that makes sense. So is teaching morality and abstinence. If a parent doesn't teach that sex is about love and enjoyment, their friends, internet or worse will give them a version that isn't what it is supposed to be.

[hareem01]

Re: Sex Education & Muslim Youth

Ofcourse sex is disgusting.

*Innumerous societal injustices, discrimination, rapes, ignorance, unwanted pregnancies, doomed marriages, growth and emotional problems and untold other problems result from teaching kids that sex is disgusting and filthy. *

Above is the most strangest and weirdest thing I've heard in my life......do you have any proof for making this most strangest and weirdest statement Mr?

[hareem01]

Re: Sex Education & Muslim Youth

Good topic Bro STP.

I suggest every muslim parent should give these books to read to their preteens for guidance.

A Muslim Boy’s Guide to Life’s Big Changes

*Sami Khan *

This book gives brotherly advice on life in general from Islam and friends, school and home life through to the physical changes a boy will experience from the age of 11 onwards

A Muslim Girls Guide to Life’s Big Changes

Rayhana Khan

Written from a big Sister perspective, this book explains all, from choosing the right friendship group, advice about school life and social life, to the physical changes a girl will experience as she grows up.

http://www.taha.co.uk/shopping/?id=17

[ssingh]

Re: Sex Education & Muslim Youth

Ofcourse sex is disgusting.

If it is disgusting then it must be haram also as per you in islam!!...

[hareem01]

Re: Sex Education & Muslim Youth

If it is disgusting then it must be haram also as per you in islam!!...

No its not haram if its between husband and wife. It would've been completely haram if it was unhealthy for mind or body or society.

[MatineeSiren]

Re: Sex Education & Muslim Youth

@Submission_To_Peace

Children daily face mages from TV, movies, videos, Internet, newspapers, magazines, and books about* **“sexual revolution.” ***Young minds are being brainwashed with ideas that morals, modesty, and values are old-fashioned. If we do not tell our children about the facts of life and what is acceptable moral behavior from a cultural, and, more importantly, from an Islamic viewpoint, then we should share the blame with our children.

Advice to a Preteen Daughter

Your body is now undergoing various changes that will prepare you to be a woman. With these changes comes the responsibility that you will one day be a mother. Your body will undergo various changes in the size of your breasts, face, height, weight, as well as the onset of a flow of menstrual blood on a regular basis every month-this is nothing to be scared of, it is Allah Most High’s miracle, where your womb is made ready every month to receive an egg for fertilization.

These changes are coming much earlier in this generation compared to a few decades ago. Children are maturing much faster than we can ever imagine. In previous generations, young girls started menstruating from the age of 13 years; today, girls as young as 9 years are beginning to menstruate. This means that if you have sex at this age, you can become pregnant. If you become pregnant at this age, your life will be shattered and the whole course of your life will be changed. Your dreams, goals, and wishes to pursue a career may have to be postponed or abandoned forever.
You must be happy with your own body. Your body will undergo various hormonal changes, which will lead to emotional changes and mood fluctuations as well as pimples. This is a time for conflict with everyone, and parents have to restrain themselves and discuss issues with love and understanding. The main word of caution for you is to avoid peer pressure from your friends, who will encourage you to start experimenting with kissing and sex. Some teenagers can make very hurtful remarks and may make you feel very isolated if you do not participate. Don’t listen to them. You must have enough confidence in yourself that you are following the commands laid down by Allah Most High and you should simply say “No, I am not interested.” It will be a decision that you will never regret. Particularly avoid the older boys and men. They will shower you with gifts, flowers, and false proclamations of love, but they are simply throwing out a net to get you into bed so that you lose your virginity. They will then dump you and go to the next unsuspecting girl. You will have lost various personal things in the process:
1. You will have lost your virginity.
2. You will have contravened the Qur’anic injunction not to commit fornication (zina).
3. You may well have gained an unwanted pregnancy (many girls still have the mistaken myth that they cannot fall pregnant after their first sexual encounter.)
4. You may have gained a sexually transmitted disease (including HIV/AIDS). 5. There are no cures for some sexual diseases: herpes and genital warts, for example. Some diseases, if not properly treated, can lead to infertility and you will not be able to have children. Or they lead to an increased incidence of cancer of the cervix (entrance to the womb).

Advice to a Preteen Son

Your body is undergoing various changes that will prepare you to enter adulthood so that one day you can be a father. You will notice changes in your voice; you may develop acne and hair on various parts of your body. Nocturnal emission is common at this age, as well as mood swings. Your natural body odors will increase, so it is important for you to bathe regularly and pay special attention to personal hygiene. Your body will be growing rapidly and you will need to eat a lot, exercise a lot, and sleep a lot to allow your body to gain maximum physical benefits.
You will be encouraged or ridiculed by some of your friends to have sex with a girl. You should be confident in your abilities as a freethinking individual to make your own choices based on the Qur’an and the Sunnah of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him). You should treat all girls and women with respect, kindness, and courtesy-not as a commodity that can be used, abused, and thrown aside. You will see advertisements on TV and in newspapers and magazines that in order to avoid HIV/AIDS, you should use a condom. Remember that this is not what Islam teaches us. Islam says safe sex is “no sex before marriage.” Indulge in all activities that will develop your mind, body, and spirit within the framework of Islam. These are wonderful years that you are going through, free of responsibility (except the homework!).

Try to be the best “you” you can be..

source: shawuniversitymosque.org

That’s all fine and dandy, but as a parent your responsibility is not only to morally guide your children, but to educate them about all outcomes. Therefore, if your kids are going to have sex, you should let them know that they can come to you for advice. If they can’t ask their parents these questions, who can they ask?

[MatineeSiren]

Re: Sex Education & Muslim Youth

@Submission_To_Peace

Children daily face mages from TV, movies, videos, Internet, newspapers, magazines, and books about* **“sexual revolution.” ***Young minds are being brainwashed with ideas that morals, modesty, and values are old-fashioned. If we do not tell our children about the facts of life and what is acceptable moral behavior from a cultural, and, more importantly, from an Islamic viewpoint, then we should share the blame with our children.

Advice to a Preteen Daughter

Your body is now undergoing various changes that will prepare you to be a woman. With these changes comes the responsibility that you will one day be a mother. Your body will undergo various changes in the size of your breasts, face, height, weight, as well as the onset of a flow of menstrual blood on a regular basis every month-this is nothing to be scared of, it is Allah Most High’s miracle, where your womb is made ready every month to receive an egg for fertilization.

These changes are coming much earlier in this generation compared to a few decades ago. Children are maturing much faster than we can ever imagine. In previous generations, young girls started menstruating from the age of 13 years; today, girls as young as 9 years are beginning to menstruate. This means that if you have sex at this age, you can become pregnant. If you become pregnant at this age, your life will be shattered and the whole course of your life will be changed. Your dreams, goals, and wishes to pursue a career may have to be postponed or abandoned forever.
You must be happy with your own body. Your body will undergo various hormonal changes, which will lead to emotional changes and mood fluctuations as well as pimples. This is a time for conflict with everyone, and parents have to restrain themselves and discuss issues with love and understanding. The main word of caution for you is to avoid peer pressure from your friends, who will encourage you to start experimenting with kissing and sex. Some teenagers can make very hurtful remarks and may make you feel very isolated if you do not participate. Don’t listen to them. You must have enough confidence in yourself that you are following the commands laid down by Allah Most High and you should simply say “No, I am not interested.” It will be a decision that you will never regret. Particularly avoid the older boys and men. They will shower you with gifts, flowers, and false proclamations of love, but they are simply throwing out a net to get you into bed so that you lose your virginity. They will then dump you and go to the next unsuspecting girl. You will have lost various personal things in the process:
1. You will have lost your virginity.
2. You will have contravened the Qur’anic injunction not to commit fornication (zina).
3. You may well have gained an unwanted pregnancy (many girls still have the mistaken myth that they cannot fall pregnant after their first sexual encounter.)
4. You may have gained a sexually transmitted disease (including HIV/AIDS). 5. There are no cures for some sexual diseases: herpes and genital warts, for example. Some diseases, if not properly treated, can lead to infertility and you will not be able to have children. Or they lead to an increased incidence of cancer of the cervix (entrance to the womb).

Advice to a Preteen Son

Your body is undergoing various changes that will prepare you to enter adulthood so that one day you can be a father. You will notice changes in your voice; you may develop acne and hair on various parts of your body. Nocturnal emission is common at this age, as well as mood swings. Your natural body odors will increase, so it is important for you to bathe regularly and pay special attention to personal hygiene. Your body will be growing rapidly and you will need to eat a lot, exercise a lot, and sleep a lot to allow your body to gain maximum physical benefits.
You will be encouraged or ridiculed by some of your friends to have sex with a girl. You should be confident in your abilities as a freethinking individual to make your own choices based on the Qur’an and the Sunnah of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him). You should treat all girls and women with respect, kindness, and courtesy-not as a commodity that can be used, abused, and thrown aside. You will see advertisements on TV and in newspapers and magazines that in order to avoid HIV/AIDS, you should use a condom. Remember that this is not what Islam teaches us. Islam says safe sex is “no sex before marriage.” Indulge in all activities that will develop your mind, body, and spirit within the framework of Islam. These are wonderful years that you are going through, free of responsibility (except the homework!).

Try to be the best “you” you can be..

source: shawuniversitymosque.org

I also find it very disturbing that the girl is given all this advice about her virginity, but not the boy. It seems to echo that women are only worth something if they are virgins, especially considering all of the references to virginity, and the statement that a man will jump to another bed as soon as he’s taken her virginity.

[Seminole]

Re: Sex Education & Muslim Youth

@hareem01

Ofcourse sex is disgusting.

Now* that* is the most strangest and weirdest thing I’ve heard in my life.
You are either brainwashed, have the wrong partner or a physical/emotional problem if that is what you think.

Above is the most strangest and weirdest thing I’ve heard in my life…do you have any proof for making this most strangest and weirdest statement Mr?

Because (with your strange views on sex aside), if you tell children it is filthy and disgusting instead of the natural and beautiful thing for married couples that it is, you are lying. They will grow up thinking the most natural thing in the world isn’t natural. They will grow up with warped views on the opposite sex. How can you teach them about the virtues of sex and relationships when you basically tell them the foundation of that relationship is filthy?