Re: Sex Education & Muslim Youth
Let me explain my thought process here.
There are several different things that are kinda inter-mixed in this discussion.
First, a discussion about puberty. Hair growth. Hormones. And other bodily changes. Whether you discuss these with your kids or not, they will go through these changes in the natural course of time. It helps to educate the kids so they are not confused by the changes in their bodies. It used to be that girls will reach puberty first (about age 9 and above) and boys reach puberty a bit later (age 11 and above). These days, its probably safe to assume that kids reach these stages a bit earlier (don't ask me why :)) Anyway, so there is some education that needs to happen. Kids need to understand what changes are taking place in their bodies, how to combat body odors, and generally be mindful of whats going on. Girls need knowledge about menstruation etc. This is all scientific knowledge, and doesn't really matter which religion you belong to. You can either do it yourself or you can have the school impart this knowledge, with follow-up discussions at home.
Second is the discussion on masturbation and sex. While there are scientific studies that suggest that very small kids may also indugle in masturbation, its safe to assume that they do it unknowingly, so lets start our discussion for kids that have reached puberty. Parents should determine when is the right age and right time for this discussion.
Third and most important is the cultural and religious values discussion. There can be many precursors to this talk. The real important thing is to carefully explain what and why of your rationale and your values to your kids. Its probably not good enough to say "don't do this", but more about "why not do this". You want to educate your kids so they can make intelligent decisions even when you are not around (when they go to college etc). Provide them good values as to what is acceptable and not acceptable in our value system. If pre-marital sexual relations, pre-marital gf/bf relations are not acceptable, explain that and also explain the reasons (Islamic and others). Explain "peer pressure" and how you expect your child to make the right decisions at every point. You want your kids to be convinced of the reasons and not simply be non-responsive. Be a good role model for kids and then re-emphasize this discussion periodically. Its not like a one-time shot; and then you forget about it.
"Where do babies come from" discussion should be age-appropriate. If you are expecting a new baby and your 3-yrs old child asks this question, your answer will be different than when you are explaining this to a 9 or a 12 year year old.
IMV the whole "how to perform sex" etc, discussion can wait till you believe your child is ready to have sexual relations. It is at that time you explain contraceptives and safe sex and other assorted ideas. You figure out when is the right time for that.
And most important, rule of thumb: DON'T EVER LIE TO YOUR CHILDREN. If they ask a question which has a very grown-up answer, either distract the child, playfully skip around or explain that they will get the answer at the appropriate age. You are the grown-up. Surely you can skip around a question if you chose not answer, especially when talking to a kid whose age is in single digits. Trust me, kids some times ask questions that will just stump you as "where did they even think of this thing". Kids see television, they read books, skimp through newspapers, talk to friends, over-hear grown-ups. In short they have plenty of sources to come up with wild questions. You want to establish a relationship of trust with your kids, where they know you won't lie to them. Don't breach that trust. You may choose not to answer their question, but don't feed them bull.