Re: Sex Education & Muslim Youth
My children are still kindergarteners but there is not a day that passes by where I do not think about this issue and want to know successful experiences.
Late to the thread...and reading the first few pages of it I'm rather thankful for it...in any case USR, thanks for a nice and sensible entry point ...
It's complicated...bottom line is you have to be more influential than your child's peers.
I first found out about sex when I was in grade 4 (I think...)...in a very blunt, and functional way to be sure. I believe my initial reaction was to think that the person telling me this, a friend who had the "talk" the previous night, was insane. Formal education came in Grade 6...essentially an anatomy and biology lesson. Temptation and peer pressure came in High school, so what I say below applies to kids who are going through or done with puberty.
I was essentially told, point blank, that it was a sin to engage in pre-marital sex...neither of my siblings dated, so neither did I. This conviction, and the absolutist "can't do this" stance set by familial standards, helped a lot.
Looking back, I'd say a sense of an independent Muslim identity - whereby it was okay or almost expected on my part to be different in many ways from my friends, who were from various cultural backgrounds, helped in that it curbed the influence they had over me. That my friends were from different cultural backgrounds also helped, as their own mores on the matter were not projected onto me. To wit, when I was growing up it was a common taunt to refer to one as a virgin…it didn’t apply to me, as being an exotic peer I was in fact respected for being different…I don’t know if it was a fear of being labeled a racist, or a genuine respect…but it was there.
This is a double edged sword. I'm noticing this in our community now where we have Paksitanis who are quite open with their sexual affairs amongst their peers.
This may be a problem as it could shatter or confuse the independence afforded by a Muslim identity from what we would consider an external cultural influence, namely sexual permissiveness. My guess is that a safeguard...that self-respect and pride in being different as a rationalization for restricting one's own behavior...is lost. So one is more likely to question familial norms and adopt those of permissive friends who come from very similar religio-cultural backgrounds.
So as far as what you can tell your children, it's pretty much what is expected of them in this regard. If the values take hold or not...just understand you're in competition with those who hold differing values on this issue and many others.
It is my opinion that rarely are the values we adopt a result of prolonged, intellectual reflections. On the contrary, they're internalized almost at a subconscious level. Social groupings often give us the cohesive narrative to articulate and justify these values, often by distancing ourselves from other social groups. In an environment where a child has competing identities, something has to give on those points where there is contradiction. If helping a child out in choosing the Muslim way means flirting with a (hopefully mild) Muslim chauvinism...then so be it. I can't be certain, but I think that's what worked for me...good old fashioned Muslim pride, and a genuine concern for the faith even though I wasn't really a good practitioner. The sense of loss would have been overwhelming if I had succumbed to my base desires.